wow

This may be the least amount I have ever written in a year. The poetry blog hasnt had an update in 8 months. I spose that piece a few posts down could go there... but in general I just havent been writing. I come up with poems and songs and let them go with the wind that blew them into my ears in the first place.
I think there is a lot of good going on in my life, so I haven't felt the need to write or complain... I have been seeing friends so often that I don't need the retreat to my private (public) journal... I have been going to counseling so I have an outlet for some of the more private matters... I had a kickass roommate for a while and even though she is gone I still get to hang with her now and then. My other roommate and I are spending a lot of time watching movies and smirking at the cheesy shit on tv...
I also just feel extremely boring.
I wrote a bit on my trip, but it wasn't anything too crazy.
Work is extremely fulfilling... for now. I love my coworkers... I just really enjoy their presence. I wish it felt more natural to break some of those barriers down and hang out with them outside of work. I am really enjoying just laughing and joking with the students... there is a tremendous amount of positivity in the air and its addicting ... so much so that when the students are suddenly having a bad day it feels really stressful... (wish me luck for winter) There is also clearly a tremendous amount of learning going on at all different levels... I helped a kid learn some basic math and he was so charmed or whatever that when he saw me walk by the room today he waved me over to help again. Its funny because I think my math level is really low right now so I am just barely ahead of him... meaning when he struggles to get through one but manages I also feel like I accomplished something great because I barely understand it myself.
By the end of the day the kids wake up and get into the discussions, they are intimidated earlier in the day but by the end they are all sharing their opinions.

Today we were discussing the concept of democracy (real democracy -majority rule shit) I had the students do a reading, find a definition and examples of how it played out in ancient Greece, then real descriptions of how the popular philosophers felt about it, Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, not big fans of the democracy... but why?
Eventually they could recognize the positives and negatives... and felt fairly strongly that majority rule wasn't a great concept... but then instantly they were asking questions... why do we still try it? why try to improve it? why not go with something else? What else is there? etc etc... and they are simple questions but then you follow their line of reasoning for a second and pose another question... all of a sudden I have one student who sticks after class and says "I think it would be best to have an impartial group of outsiders who could hear all the different sides and make a good decision because they aren't personally invested." and I say "yeah I like where you are going with this, but we have that its called "court" she says yeah but that doesnt work... and I say so we have a second court a third court etc to look after the first one... anyway the whole process is fun because they are working from the ground up... its just cool to see how they end up thinking through the same things people have been thinking about for thousands of years... and it takes place in an hour in front of me.... I'm such a nerd and its golden.
Its just really really fun... really teaching is like the most fun ever.

I just wish I could share more... had the opportunity and the right medium and the right way to say or show or have them act out so that they would all have those breakthroughs just constantly brain matter splattered everywhere from the constant expansion. Tasmanian devil tornadoes of learning. Sometimes it feels that way at the end of the day... like everything is just too chaotic... but other times its just simple beauty.
I had students in my homeroom develop goals for the day, week, month and trimester...
one of the students said "I want to create a LGBT club next week" (I have noticed people generally say the initials they identify with closer to the front) she put up posters before the end of the day, and I got to smile and let her know WE WILL get her any books or movies or anything she thinks would help. She asked a coworker about it when she was making posters and seemed hyped when she realized she could lead the group herself (without teachers interfering, though of course willing to help).

In the last week I have heard students say that this school or this curriculum or this environment or whatever has changed their life for the better at least once a day.
I have also seen something like 10 graduates of the school return in the first two weeks, several asked if they could sit in on classes. We have also had probably 5-10 students who got kicked out return to our school, or show up just to visit and say hi.

I dunno, it just makes me happy, makes me proud.


I have not gone to the gym in a while...
I have not talked to a friend of mine who I really want to call or text or drop a facebook note to... because I am worried she hates me.
I have not attempted to talk to anyone about dating, or mating.
But I have thought about all three of those at least 10 times a day for the past week or two.