Well kids I havent had any internet access on the regular for over a month now. A week and a half ago I got really weird about it and finally took my computer in. They fixed some problems and charged me some money and held my computer ransom for about a week but then when I got it home... still no internet (it works faster though).
This is a frustrating situation. I think it might be our internet router because my roommates tend to have internet troubles now and then too.
But thats why I havent been posting.
So... the outcome of these special circumstances is that I have been doing other things... some good some not so hot... but I have been working out occasionally, painting slightly more often, listening to some great toons, reading a lot more, playing some computer games and watching some movies and tv. Last night I spent about 5 hours watching Top Chef a reality challenge game about cooking... so dramatic I didn't want to stop.
I have also been trying to set up a cult. Rather a spiritual group of some sort. I am not always sure why or what we are doing, but I like the idea.
As a person who believes that things sometimes happen for a reason, I am wondering if my involvement with this group and my internet not working at the same time have some relation... is the universe trying to tell me something?
I have been noticing some changes in my mood and head. Sometimes its because the weather is getting to me, sometimes because work sucks lately, sometimes because maybe I am not getting the comfort I need.
At times this has meant great fantasies about dating and what not, at other times I contemplate leaving the country or becoming a monk and devoting myself to less worldly things.
The other day I woke up with that familiar feeling about never being able to judge others... Its an odd thing because of course its really easy to judge, to have an opinion, to say "those fuckers who are keeping us from universal healthcare need a good smiting" but the reality is, I just don't see the big deal sometimes... A step back from the immediate and I lose all touch with the reality in front of me... Suffering is bad up close, but from far away it looks like one more thing that we just have to go through to grow, is the person who causes suffering doing anything worse than the person who helps in rebuilding? Aren't they both necessary?
Its sort of the Judas dilemna. Everyone thinks of Judas (the disciple of Jesus) as being a bad guy, a traitor, a greedy dick basically... because Judas was the one who set up the arrest of Jesus.... but wasn't it Jesus' or God's plan to have Jesus put to death?
Thus wasn't it necessary for Judas to do what he did? and the reality within the scriptures is that both men died through the act, both suffered in the name of trying to improve things... so is one better or worse?
Tuesday's workout has left me really fucking sore today... ever since I woke up, no all night long I could feel my muscles and tendons tightening... and I am unsure if I am supposed to try to relax them, stretch them or what... but I feel like a dinosaur because my arms wont extend.
I was supposed to go to the EDMinnesota conferences today to get some training... but no.
this means I will have to take a class or something in the next few years to get enough hours... and maybe in a year or two I will be ready for that... but for now 4 DAY WEEKEND!
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