Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

HMMMM what to talk about...

Well I am home this weekend... trying to fit random things in... so far I have hung out with both sets of rents, my brother and his girl, illy and gabs and amy a.... went to a roller derby game that was awesome, went to church and pretended to be a judge. havent had time yet for homework or computer games or drawing... slept a lot.

from laurel's constant suggestions i decided i should buy sid meier's pirates! (the second version) but i havent played it yet, and honestly I dont think i should until i get caught up in my classes... just in case it is as awesome as she says... a few weeks ago i bought some computer games, and have played 1 of them for about 5 hours total... which isnt actually that much in 2 weeks.

I am hoping it was the break, or the stress or the weather that made the last week or two a little different... but if not... welcome to the new period of old.... my great time of monkeyness is gone... im not using good words, but that is part of it. Its like a loss of energy, and seeing things clearly or rather beautifully... and maybe its just exhaustion...
I dont know how laurel and emily are doing it, considering they must have been just as stressed... and now they are roaming around san fran... i hope they take a day to chill.

last night i went to the roller girl derby with james and julie.. they have a friend who plays, but she wasnt playing last night. I have never seen a more entertaining sport... its sort of crazy... sort of like lacrosse on wheels... and without sticks or balls... just humans. we were in the second row... which meant u sit on the ground and people come crashing in to you.
we only stayed for half the games but even that was like an hour and a half... and we got to see an awesome hiphop dance group before hand... a few of the kids could make it seem as if they walked on air... or slid without moving... it was amazing.

hmmm.... i watched some movies the other night... and it was nice.... i want to watch more, but blockbuster is so expensive... and i think my time would be better spent reading the book i have to read for class... or planning my units....


I questioned a lot of my beliefs today in church, i wonder if i can still call myself a christian... I dont know if what i believe is what the church says... but i know it has a lot to do with what christ said.... still... what if i dont think you need him, or dont believe he is the son of god... or dont believe he is god... anymore than the rest of us?
Im not sure about it... but it wasnt questioning my faith, just my religion... and i still ended up feeling quite blesses and teary eyed by the last song...

I guess it was just weird to see all the ritual, the church, the songs and sayings... its like... this is not my religion anymore is it?
Im pretty sure i believe in something more transparent.... more relational... more inside of yourself and around you.
and a church seems a strange place to find that connection... not that i havent before many times... and grant (my step dad is the pastor) said some great things during the sermon, that made me wonder if any of us who are educated within the church, really actually believe in the whole thing, or whether they are going through the motions, because thats how all of us grew up within the church, and thats how we learned to find our own path.
much like jesus growing up jewish and sort of interpreting it in a different way..
but am i anything then?
am i all of it?