Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

I finished a book today, my autobiography for my american indians in US history, it sort of became my book for fun too as I became more and more attached not only to the guy's personality but also to the spiritual messages. (hes a lakota holy man)
nearing the end i started feeling very caught up in the spirit, the last few chapters all describe the important of some of their rituals and as he discussed them you could feel it, the reverence for his religion...

The other day reading about the sun dance is what got me out of my funk... tonight i began crying as he discussed the importance of the pipe, the connection the the earth, the sky the spirits, the life force. at one point nearing the end I think he said something very profound and simple. He said that when he prays he doesnt talk on and on, he says something very simple and says it over and over if he has to. the meditation i spose... but he said that his simplest most true prayer was something like great spirit, have pity on me, for the sake of my people.... and i burst in to tears... because it said things so simply... every night i tend to at least briefly reflect on all the people i love, I ask god to watch out for them, and then I ask god to watch out for whoever is supporting them (which is hard sometimes because normally these people might be rivals) but in my prayers they are brothers, and all these people I pray for their families, and those they have met, I pray that god watches over everyone who i have touched and who has touched me, and then i pray for theirs, and theirs and theirs and I spread throughout the world asking for each person to have a blessing. and then I tend to ask god to use me if he needs me for his blessing. and these simple words -seem to encompass every prayer i have ever said. and its nothing new, or complex... its the simplicity and the honesty behind them that hit me so hard. the chapter was preceeded by one about the importance of the clown, the man -who for the sake of the spirits, for the sake of those around him, performs his dreams -though they cause him great shame, because this type of dream is always backwards, against the norms.. to cause laughter at his expense. and the idea of that being sacred, and then asking god to have pity on him, not for his sake, not because he wants help, special gifts, wealth, but simply give him any power that would help his people, the people of the world. any amount of shame, hurt, pain, any amount of good anything that would do anything for the good of people... just something beautiful.

the last chapter was about the man who recorder the stories... and spoke of how he had always been a wanderer, a religious man, but an outcast because he was too much a part of everything, a man who had been saved and blessed, and felt called to south dakota where he befriended many people, and then while talking one day with a friend they decided that they would write a book about the importance of these very real things. and the holy man told him it was fated, and said that all those experiances had prepared him...

I get this feeling every time i read these type of stories, i get this calming, strengthening feeling where all of a sudden things make sense, all are forgiven, all pain gone, aware of all blessings... and it makes me think of all those things that have happened to me, and how they put me into peoples lives... and sometimes sadly i dont know if its for the betterm but i think life and god are looking out for us all.
it makes it clear to me.

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chris kept asking me if I have been converted to islam this last week while i was working on my paper. i always have this weird feeling when people say things like that, because to be a muslim is to have submitted to god, and i did that so long ago... but by standards of today im not a "muslim" as im not a "true christian" or a "jew" or any other thing... but i am a believer... having felt god's presence or those divinely inspired so many times its hard to not be.
anyway thats my spiritual rant for the night...
the reason my facebook picture is now a silly picture of some crows, is that one year 3 crows followed me around... im not sure i did what they wanted, in fact they really scared me... but they liked to talk to me... and they would show up everywhere. it was like being tucked in to bed... maybe it was fuzzy's gift to me.