Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

* Sometimes you have to eat a pack of gum

* Sometimes you have to wait for the book to be done to give a review

* Sometimes you really do need a tape recorder, because that writing poetry in your head thing doesnt really work out when you have no memory to write it down later.

* Open mic is this thurday

* Lots of homework cuz i did little to none over break.

* Saw many of my homies over break... it was great.

* Had time to think, talk, plan things over break... it was great.

* Back to reality..



The rights of the offensive ex.

Well lets start this off by defining some things, the ex, is the former, sometimes the previous... the offending is the one who broke it off, or in some cases the one who caused more damage. Now lets dissect that a little, in my estimation there are two types of offenders, those who did so causing excessive harm by other actions or guilt incurring things, and those who did not. Within both of those categories there are further categories, those who caused harm intentionally or unintentionally.

Well lets see I have had three breakups.

A) In the first I was not the offender originally, but I did offend to excess afterwards, and thus became "guilty." which lead to me feeling confused guilty and ashamed.
b) The second I offended to excess though unintentionally. Thus I was "guilty" but to a degree that lead to something more like regret and confusion in me.
C) The third, I unintentionally caused harm, but not to excess, rather to some extent my not having excessively harmed previously or this time without seeming cause, seem to have made the harm worse. Thus I offended to the point of great harm, but not with intention of doing so. Thus I am "guilty" of harm, because i tried not to. which in me leads toself doubt, guilt, worry, but also a feeling of not being able to change things, and to some degree an uneasy "ok-ness" because I didnt intend, nor try to give reason to offend, nor undertake actions that would lead to excessive harm.... still harm all the same comes, and of course guilt.

Three different situations, three different versions of guilt and confusion, three different outcomes.
but back to the rights of the offending ex.
outcomes
A) dont talk
B) do talk, friends supportive
C) dont talk (yet?)

It seems in all these cases I was overwhelmingly concerned for the other, as well as myself but to varying degrees. The rights of the offending ex, really come down to nothing but what the other allows, is comfortable with, and to what extent you can justify interaction.

with A) I justified interaction, but this didnt help, because I was too caught up in anger, and eventually we stopped talking -leading me to a place where I still wonder how she is, still like hearing news from others.

with B) I justified interaction, based on mutual interest in friendship, but tried to respect her right to privacy, and did not confront to the same degree that I had with A) (which i had justified, because originally i was the offended)

with C) I have an interest in friendship, but with confidence shaken and fear of causing more harm, refuse to promise security, which leads to her not being able to trust me, (not that she feels she could) which leads to frustration, more hurt feelings, and a feeling of necessity to protect, which leads to no talking, no interaction, for me- unsettling and painful, confusing and worrisome. unknown from her.


Hmmm why you ask am i saying this on here?
I asked some people today how she was doing, and they told me they didnt think it would be ok (or their place) to tell me. I understood this and didnt make any attempts beyond that, but also had a harm time not thinking... and didnt know who i could talk to because there just seem to be these things, where I dont have rights, nor options to make things better, a constant wall, that I apparently chose but cannot overcome. So whats the point of telling people the specifics because there isnt anything to do about it, and why blog? because I always need to rant about the things im struggling with...