Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

the merging of worlds
I always gave my friends shit, especially zach who was fairly unhappy (at times when it happened) about not wanting their worlds to merge. meaning separate parts of their life met up... with zach it was his girl and his friends, (thus the reason it took me 4 years to meet illy after hearing so much about her).
me and pete used to like to fuck with him and invite his lady friend (particularly ashley who we all loved)
anyway... i guess i was such an honest believer in the merging of worlds that i got blind sided when my friends were too defensive to enjoy becky's company.. and right now, after worrying about every other thing first, it finally occured to me, that my girl friend meeting my ex might not be the happy party (for me) that i thought it would. i still think this is bullshit, and thats why im writing about it because im calling bs on myself. its always better for truth and communication, always. I dont think i have anything to be ashamed of that i havent already said several times. i dont think i could apologize more about certain things.. but what if they just realize that im not the mike they like? what if they feel led on... what if...
i call bullshit on myself.
but part of me really wants to know what they talk about and part of me really thinks it would be better to not know.
i hate how egotistical this whole thing is too, thats part of the fear of the merging of worlds, u realize the world doesnt revolve around you, which is why im almost proud of myself that this fear didnt even come up till like 10 minutes ago...
i mean i was totally convinced that i had nothing to do with it... in the sense that there were so many bigger things than me... and all of a sudden i think im gods gift to the world or something... im being stupid.


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on a far happier note, me and krystin are back to sharing and laughing and enjoying the scene, this makes me really really happy actually and having discussed several things with her, im even more convinced that the truth and communication and even confrontation thing is the best route.

so

carpe diem and uh live and learn and love, and this cd that we were listening to at the hostel is amazing.
peace and love
-taff