I’m not really trying to complain, but sometimes I’m really annoyed with when and how the grief hits.
I had Stella for a week. One time I accidentally called her simba, but other than that it was fine. I mean, super annoying because she is really needy and she threw up all over my bed and floor yesterday and kept me up most of the nights (some of which Simba also did). But Tonight after I was in a rush to get her out, and stripped the bed of sheets and blankets to do laundry, and put on another set, suddenly all the grief. Changing the fucking sheets. The silence of the apartment. The lack of living things. The chores that need to be done, but only for me. I dunno… it was heavy and sad. It’s ok. I just wished it was over something deep or meaningful, not changing the sheets.
I have been doing a lot better this week, but also sleeping way more… (can’t get anything done with the cat wanting attention). It’s been busier at work, which is probably a good thing.
Yesterday I had an eye exam, nerve wracking. A nice woman cleaned and readjusted my current glasses. They were also super lovely, and I felt attended to… which I realized isn’t something I experience a lot. Maybe for a few minutes when I go to the same old restaurants. Maybe for 30 minutes by a Chinese person I can’t even see when I get a massage… but not really many other places. It was nice, but I had to rush out of there to make it to work.
Credentialing paperwork is getting done.
Lots of paperwork to do at home this weekend.
Protest on Saturday maybe with Rachel.
Next week the community Ed class starts again.
The government is stupid.
