It’s 8 am the morning after the 2024 election. Douchbag will be president again. The senate has flipped to republican control, and we dont know about the house.
It’s honestly devastating. The cat woke me up early, but the pundits and things were predicting it by midnight, and i just turned off the tv resigned but hoping for a miracle that didnt come.
The blame game is easy.
I am angry. And hurt. And worried about so many people. Multiple clients have said they may be suicidal if…
And well, I understand. Who wants to live through hell?
The rise and fall of empires, this is just our turn.
I’m worried about so many, and yet, selfishly I want to hide. Want to stay home, quit, run away. I dont want to have to work harder. I dont know that working harder will solve anything…
I dont want to console. I dont want to reach out to loved ones. I want someone to console me. I am alone and selfish and childlike… and I have responsibilities… and I have unmet needs too.
It’s hard to imagine a more inept leader, and yet he won the popular vote? People hate this guy, think he’s an asshole… and yet. People like assholes.
I dont think it will be the fascist state he promises, i think it will more likely be the money grab corruption. But i could be wrong. Maybe he unleashes the stupidity and the greedy and the malicious all at once. Maybe it is end times… maybe this has happened hundreds if not thousands of times all over the world throughout history. We could do better… but, meh.
There is a new congresswoman who is trans. I fear for her. For her safety and her sanity. When the bullies have been given free rein. I can imagine hate crimes at the capitol, and thats ridiculous.
One thing that was reinforced last night, is how alone i am. Didnt talk to anyone, scrolled social media for other peoples posts, it was just me and pundits on tv.
Makes me wonder if i should be doing something else entirely with my life…
Yesterday E and i were texting about the baby blankets and even the fucking pregnancy test that basically jumpstarted our relationship into solidity. I was crying about it. My heart still heavy with stuff that has happened so long ago, trying to let go, trying to be with and breath into, and still… Maybe i should follow my heart that is so easily broken, so illogical. Maybe i should follow it towards these immense feelings, and the connection that causes them?
Maybe i should give up ln this house and business thing, and just take my money and run to some paradise. Live on a beach, fish, read and write.
Maybe i should go be a monk or a pastor.
Maybe i should join a community. Maybe start a cult.
Maybe… get a fatal disease and die all possibilities.
It feels like we chose a stupid timeline.
Im mad at myself for starting to believe she would win. But america cant have nice things can it.
No comments:
Post a Comment