I am high. Gummies from a friend. Watched Norm Macdonald. Genius. The inner sensation is of suddenly making connections, some cosmic touch (sistene chapel) between distant points, some bridge. Its force pummels the inside of my chest, a slightly knocking, a warmth,making room for new. Its moving. The visual is like galaxies. And inside I know it is the neuron’s buzz, the flare down the tree of synapses.
I am listening to Jeremy Enigk, the layers of the composure, the delicate cake, ah these complimentary tastes and textures.
My memory is short and lost. Over time this would be awful, but in small doses I am aware of the moment and then the moment is gone. I am pleased with it. Each little pain and bruise, is momentary, I can welcome it. A missed note screech, a scratch fire, a pushed capillaries of pressure… all of a flash and then replaced with another, the neural dance. So many connections in each second. Each tiny little vision, mystery solved, there is a burst, a new big bang, and if this is going to be the way of the world, and the human is to last then, this is the piece we need to see. To really understand. The distal patts, are not so distant, this is the simple reality of everything this whole loose connection is the map of Gp=d. maybe we cannot be near untruth/.
Put my head down and don’t ecen look at the keyboard. Listen to the music, let it flow through you and thr words, will be the truth. Evem if the origin isn’t understood. Listen to the music and get in rhythym. Ths will be the thing that is right. Bit when you aren’t doing it right, everything wont work.
That was weird, suddenly I lost it. And wasn’t high. I had like a thirty second cool breeze of sobriety. Not sure if it was because I was onto something or because the music through me off, but the flowing warmth is back inside my body.
(Written a few hours later)
It's really funny how some things are confirmed by drugs. I wrote a little post about how I am a caffein addict earlier on insta. On caffeine I feel have greater access to my faculties.
When high, I have access to different faculties. I feel the sensation of an incoming text before the visual confirms it. I feel the little pricks, the little vibrations, the waves of energy. I notice their confirmation, their absence. I listen to music, and can my turn my focus to notice the parts, the moving composition, that dance of impacts bombarding the dimension... and it only confirms what is beautiful, adds a glow to the already special, rests easy within and without, perfection. perfection, a polished mirror, and a smile's confirmation that this is a true representation of the 1 in all. universals approval, universal acknowledgement of that which all things know, the one to whom all voices sing.Could you bathe in this heavenly, when every note is an interwoven silk supporting you. caressed by ehuphia, praise this ecstatic.
Another hour. So many little connections, it becomes overwhelming. Somehow I got it in my head to look at old photos, and all these little memories, these little stories I told myself so long ago flooded back. And even in the moments I wasn't present for, I remembered the story, the lie I told myself? Or was it that I did have some knowledge, and perhaps all these flights of imagination I've had are true? on some multiverse or other, perhaps I have this understanding. Perhaps in my every day life, I get stuck because I've lived in too many realities, and they have built and cluttered. I remember these memories, these parts of me suddenly, and wonder how their brightness could have faded, wasn't that another life time? How was it's prominence shifted without my approval.
Another hour? I feel like I am slowly coming down. Moments of clarity become longer and longer. I don't know which to cling to. I am listening to the Empyrean, I am thinking about the infinite possibilities in a line going on infinitely in each moment, and how to accept each moment good or bad, is just to recognize it has its place amongst the infinite possibilities. Oh your mom died? One of these possibilities was bound to contain this, but infinite others do not, she lives on. Be grateful.
All those layers, weighing, the carrying of emotions across lifetimes, and dimensions, the tethering of it all... what need to be seen, to be known, to be accepted, to be let go.
It feels like a late phase, the dissolution, where what had once been, comes apart. How brutally painful this disconnection, and to each a portion of the suffering.
No comments:
Post a Comment