Bonded communication.

I've been feeling stressed and a little needy lately. It's the work/intern/school life.  It makes me want someone to hold, or who will hold me back. But I hate the idea of all the work to get to know someone, I want it to be easy.

In the dream she was pregnant. (this particular ex gave birth a few months ago, so I don't think that is likely) She was many months pregnant, like my coworker who is due in early

November.  She swayed from hip to hip, not quite uncomfortable but very aware of the weight. Her stomach and chest heavier than she would have liked. We talked. I don't know what the words were, I was too busy watching her reactions. She seemed like her mind was somewhere else, and yet I was fully in tune with her. She kept her eyes elsewhere, while I traced her newly formed curves, while I wanted to place my hands on her stomach, and her back and her hips, and the skin of her arms. 

She wasn't unaware of this, but she saw me getting sleepy, she understood I wasn't fully myself, that I was wanting. I fell asleep on her couch, but when I woke it had become a full mattress. Not the mattress she slept with her husband on, but a guest in her home. He was coming home soon and she was only a little worried about my being present. She talked again, and I swayed in tune with every singe motion, every feeling and thought. I didn't need to listen, and she knew it. She kept her eyes distant but she couldn't help but smile out of the corner of her mouth. She knew, she felt it like a tug on her, and she didn't mind when I moved closer. But I mentioned it. I said I'm sorry for invading your space and she played along, though she knew I wasn't, and she wasn't either. 

As she continued to talk I slowly moved closer until my arms were around her. And she didn't pull away, she just rubbed the outside of my arms and hands which attended to her, like she knew it was natural, like she understood it was as it should be. But it didn't make her happier, like it had me.  It was just what it was.

And she walked away to her room to attend something else while I folded the blanket and waited for her husband to come home. 

When she came back into the room she was surprised, but hid it quickly. There was something about wrapping it up so soon, but she looked back towards the windows again, waiting for him. 

And i knew it was time to leave, to wake up.