Sometime recently I made this decision to try to reconnect with my heart. To open up and let it emote and care again. I am still shy and introverted, still sure that it will not help me to reach out for some unknown reason... but its been locking itself away for years now and that sucks.
So far i've just been a little more aware of beautiful things, a little more touched by songs and good dialogue and good writing.
But I hope that one day I will be comfortable enough in myself to share my positive and negative thoughts and feelings without having to triple check them every time. To be comfortable enough in my own skin, and trusting enough in my relationships that I can be open and honest, compassionate empathetic and loving.
I am hoping that this reiki stuff along with my renewed interest in eastern religious concepts can help me with this... I am hoping that getting more involved (mctc in January, potentially grad school in the fall, going to church etc) will help bring a sense of community, or roots here that i haven't felt in a while. I think I am going to commit to the twin cities. Other places appeal, but I don't have a calling, or a real longing to go. I want community and since I've had it here in the past, and I am aware of the place... maybe I can have it again.
Making friends is hard.
Loving people is hard.
Trusting people is hard.
Caring and giving are hard.
But they're worth it.
Without a little challenge, life seems colorless, dull and dismal.
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