incredibly weird dreams

So I am sitting around, and really I am watching this process take place. I see the visuals both of what happens in the room, and also the things being described... but primarily I am aware that there is a bar, or a dark room where a group of men are sitting around a table. The men are drinking out of small cups, what appears to be a powerful drink, but it is not alcohol. It is a type of "tea" called (of course)  Soma. 

One or possibly two of the men are not from the region and are tourists or seeking information. The first has the process explained to him, and during this time he seems to become much more aware of the processes of life, of the way the universe works etc.The second man is not able to pay attention. It is possible the whole "explanation" is really just a few seconds long and that the tea itself offers the realization (this is how my double experience occurs)... I am either drinking the tea, or I am possibly even one of the men watching myself be told, and experiencing it. 

So the other man is a bit impatient. He can't really wait to have the experience which he expects to be like a powerful drug, not a life changing, spiritual connection and a new way of perceiving the universe. 

The men who offer him the tea are not put off by this, they are there to share and though it is obviously a holy drink, they trust the experience they are part of. 
The man is offered the tea, through the process. The top part of the plant is removed, a small animal is inserted into the bowl of the plant, the top is put back on. Clearly a chemical or digestive-like process takes place... and the remnants of the juice is poured out into the cups. The man is not all that impressed. The other men explain that the plant has two parts (this is where the dual experience shapes, instead of seeing the process which is happening, I also watch the cycle of the plant life, envision it on a farm etc) -the plant has two parts. The parts are grown together, and it is not necessarily clear that they are related. One is the bowl-like base of the plant, and the other a small seed that is fairly conscious and looks more like an insect. The insect-seed either grows into a new base or is consumed by the plant to grow the plant. These insect seeds are sort of hatched and within about 16 seconds the process of either growing, or becoming a new plant takes place. I know this, because while I am learning about it, the one I am holding (a very old specimen) hatches and a small spider like "plant" starts walking around. 
If the plant doesn't recycle the seeds, it will never grow. The way it recycles them, is by eating them in the same way it ate the animal. It creates a top part a "SCOBY"  kind of like a kombucha skoby that traps the animal in, and the bacteria and toxins and what not that are released during this process become the drugs within the "tea" which is really just the digestive juices of the plant.  A plant that is old enough begins to be able to eat other things. They are a carnivorous species, but this is another place the men who are serving wish to be clear... the plant is conscious of the entire life cycle and what takes place around it. So if the animal it is eating hasn't had a good life, the "trip" won't be as positive... if the plant has been mistreated or malnourished the "trip" wont be as good, or as potent... so the men assure us that these plants (the ones being used) and the animals are grown side by side in a very healthy and positive garden, strictly for the purpose of being used for Soma... which the plant and animal have both accepted and is why the men aren't worried about shallow people drinking it... they trust the plant to tell the difference. The plant will share its life cycle with who it chooses... the plant controls the conscious trip. 

So near as I can tell this is a "plant" that has within its life cycle both an animal and a fungus like stage... According to the men, the plant used to be grown in Central Asia (where Soma is from), but has died out and is no longer able to grow there. Simultaneously and today it is still grown in South America (highlands and high altitude tropical areas), and is being exported for consumption to humans around the globe. 

I found this dream to be extremely challenging to my ideas of separation.  I know it was highly influenced by the reading I am doing right now... but I think the various aspects of consciousness, of different levels of choice, of different levels of biological construction... I don't know... it was crazy... and part of me wonders if there is something like this.   And now that I am typing, part of me wonders if this would actually be a native species or of something beyond.


Victoria & Family Dream

Victoria has given me a weird constructiony-farmy machine. Its sort of like a tractor mixed with a bulldozer... and it is old. It really has very few options... and for the most part I am not even using it.  I am admiring how everyone has on some sort of nerdy costume... lots of robot helmets and devices from various science fiction shows... they appear to have built these to help people sleep. Like its a breathing device that looks like a storm trooper.  People go to sleep in their masks, and I have one too but it isn't as elaborate as other peoples... just like my machine is a little old and doesn't have great options. Their machines are better, and their masks are better. 
I am playing around with some of the parts of the inside of my machine... there is this one hole for a key, I stick the key in an unlock the compartment... there is nothing on the inside (to my ignorant self).  Almost immediately Victoria is there. 
She hasn't seen me check out the compartment, but she is annoyed that I don't understand the machine, its uses, its dangers. I am not taking it seriously. I don't understand the mechanics and she wants me to. She says she needs to check something under the hood and I need to release the mechanism so that she can open it up, but I don't understand what she is asking... 
She is really irritated with me, and tries to slow down to say I need to put the key in the hole, but I try to explain that there is nothing in that compartment, and then she is really irritated because I don't realize that that is the unlocking mechanism, and I am a dumb oaf, who shouldn't be trusted with such an important and dangerous device. She checks the thing under the hood,  and comes back to the driving compartment and shoves me over... 
She now thinks it is important for me to understand the device I am dealing with and starts to explain while turning on the engine and putting the thing into gear to start moving... at this point I realize she has been drinking and feel incredibly unsafe in the vehicle. She senses my nervousness and believes that the message she is trying to send me is getting through, but I start questioning whether this is the best way to show me something, or the best time... and she decides she needs to really show me. The machine is drifting forward slowly, but it is clear that within about 20 feet we are going to ram a small house and probably demolish ourselves and the house. She is trying desperately to get me to see that if I wasn't taking this mechanics seriously, I would probably kill somebody... but in the process I am worried we are about to be killed. The machine miraculously stops just at the wall. This is not because drunken victoria has such great driving skills, but because the forward motion has slowed due to an incline or some other variable... and Victoria excitedly and with a lot of irriation is trying to say "SEE?!? SEE?!? what could happen?"  and I ask about her about her family.
She is caught off guard about this, but with irritation (possibly rightfully placed), says they are all back home drinking, and she needed to get away for awhile (hence the lesson). 
She also says something like "Oh and my brother took over your room"  and I started thinking about the room, and how it  had 6 beds, and how it was conncected to another room with 4 beds, and a bathroom... and I said "the whole thing?"  and she said YES, and then stumbled out.

I went to the house. Upon entering I realized I wasn't just dealing with Victoria's family, I was dealing with my family, and my cousins were now VIctoria's brothers, and my aunts and uncles and everyone was there... and it started to make sense why there wasn't any room at the inn, especially for someone like me, an outsider a distant relative who didn't even come to the funeral. Who was the funeral for? Grandpa of course... this is his house (his actual house in Sioux Falls) only it has been doubled or tripled and oddly, so the rooms dont make sense. (this is often the case when I dream of this house now). I see my aunts and mumble hellos, but am overwhelmed by emotions... grieving, guilt, shame, embarrassment for not fulfilling the family roles, anger for having to.  I stumble from room to room in tears, picturing how they once were while my cousins (all older than me) explain to their children the same things I am thinking about the rooms... this staging area used to be the dining room. This set of bedrooms used to be for this_______.   The bedrooms lead off to other bedrooms (which is how it actually was), only now there are more... I stumble into my cousin (Still aware this is the person Victoria called her brother -though it isn't)  and he is drunk and demanding that he gets to keep the rooms all to himself, only he is both this version of himself and the older version with a family, and he is simply and soberly saying he needed the beds for his kids. 

and I stumble into the giant douchebag guy from northern mn, who I try to be friends with.  He is like a macho man, but insecure, but also just a guy... not in any way a bad guy, just not me... and he is complaining about how every date he goes on the girls are too dumb or don't have any class... and he realizes he isn't always able to play the role either... but I assure him I know exactly where he can find a date (and I am thinking of downtown Minneapolis girls who go to Spill the Wine and other trendy places... but have class and are smart, and are looking for douchebag boys who aren't really bad, just not me)... and he I are going through the airport... and he points out that the Arab man is a millionaire who runs some sort of harmless company, but the airport security are arresting him... and we walk past in a hurry and I am swept out the door, where I walk down a forested hill to find Morgan and some other friends... and I tell them about Soma... and they don't really understand that it isn't just a drug. 
And while they are imagining the possibilities of being superhuman on powerful alien drugs... a plane is flying toward us... and I feel like all we need to do is step aside, an easy thing to do for a superhuman on Soma. 

Perspective, you ASS!

crashing and creating my

confusion parties

yuck

I had many dreams last night, some of them melted together.
In one I was helping some famous band take pictures. They were posing about 100 yards away, with many obstacles in the way, but these were to help frame the shot... and somehow I was supposed to use this really big camera, focus it perfectly, reflect the shot off a few mirrors and windows and end up with the band looking ultra cool.  I kept screwing up, and asking for more time. Each series of pictures was time consuming, and probably really wasteful. We were losing the day light, and tension was rising. I was so obsessed with trying to be a part of the project, that I was ignoring the person to my left. Turns out, it was my mother. After trying to get my attention for quite awhile, she just started talking. She said "I can't feel my neck anymore."  Which somewhere in my subconscious I knew meant she was close to dying. Cancer had spread to the point, that her body wasn't able to sense itself anymore. She continued talking, about the different symptoms, and I continued to ignore her, my frustration deepening, this time totally immersed in what she was saying but trying with all my will power to pretend as if none of it were true. The project seemed like such a waste of time, almost everything did. I started begging her to stop, I was crying, but pretending I wasn't. Anything to have her take those words back, and she said something like "I can't stop it" and I said she had to. This wasn't right, there wasn't enough time, this wasn't the way it was supposed to be. She laughed at my desire to control the situation, even though she too was feeling it... she was trying to stay strong and accept the reality, that very soon she would not be around. She was scared, and hurt, and needed her son to comfort her. But he was too self absorbed, too locked into his own denial, his own pain.


 I woke up with a list of things to do today. It included avoiding my family so that I could do other things.

It feels odd to know that I am making my dreams come true. I wonder if I will be able to turn all of this around. I'm focusing on me, because I feel like anything else would be the death of me. But perhaps I am wrong in all of this. Maybe I shouldn't leave. 

Laundry, Spanish, Civics lesson, Lunch with Lacey, email work, board game at home.