in-between

Tomorrow is the first day of the 6th full school year. Technically I already started my 6th year because I originally started during summer, but tomorrow is the first day of classes.
This year I am trying to teach a more traditional curriculum but with the insights and adaptations I have been learning through teaching other classes.
For instance I am hoping to have more story telling, scenarios and student lead exercises in traditional classes like world history or civics. I don't know how successful I will be at this, but I imagine it won't be easy to get a job teaching non traditional classes at another school... so I'd like to hown my skills as it were.
School has been a rocky start... I think it is settling out now... but basically in mid July we found out we didn't have a science teacher/5th staff member for this year. In mid August we found out that we didn't have any candidates for the position. Today and tomorrow we are still interviewing people... and we came up with a back up plan that will work... but its just a rough start.
We have about 35 students and need about 55. We have very little hope for the future at this point... and today when my coworker was reading the "reasons I have moved on letter" from my coworker who left... I realized we might be putting a lot of these students in a tough position at the end of the year. Its sad... but we can't be their home forever I guess. 

Today I felt sick most of the day. Achy and dizzy and having a hard time concentrating. It started last night, right around the time the temperature dropped to 45 degrees (MN is crazy).  It was 80 today by the end of the day, but last night it was extremely cold. I was shivering and shaking in my bed under the covers and I started wondering if it was perhaps more than the cold... then I tried to get up and realized I basically felt that weird feeling you have when you are drunk and don't have complete control over your limbs and muscles and what not.
That lasted through the day, but I am feeling better now and hoping it doesn't come back.

School is in some ways the only real pillar I have going right now.
I moved into this new house and am encouraged to recognize there are opportunities for community building here. We are having a game night on Friday, in a couple week an art night. We already had a progressive dinner. But most of the time I am in my room, and I feel like I live in someone elses house... regardless of how open and welcoming they are.
My room is mostly packed with a large bed in the center. Half of the bed is covered by the things I do. Books, art supplies, computer and ipad, candy, a large dry erase calendar. But I have not quite figured out a way to make the rest of the room accessible. It is so packed that you can't use things...

I have been taking lots of photos lately, and trying to remain in my tourist (everything is new and beautiful) mode. It is going well for the most part. Even taking a few walks around the lakes, though I haven't walked to work yet, which was a goal.

My other goals are turning out to be more complicated than I had assumed as well.
Spanish classes have been sort of let down in that I couldn't find a cheap regular one that worked for me... so I think I will take two community education Spanish classes and work on Rosetta Stone (which I need to start asap).  I am thinking about taking the Spanish 2 course, and a Spanish 3 conversation course.  In both cases I don't think I am ready.
This learning Spanish idea, is in the hopes that I follow through with my plan to either travel to South America and be a tourist or go teach there. Its weird to be thinking 9 or so months ahead, especially when my thoughts and plans should be for this place... but I guess I just don't have much going for me here.
That is a gross over generalization of course. I have many friends who I am really glad to have in my life, but they aren't the intimate friendships I have had in the past.  They aren't as easy, they will take time to grow... and we are all so busy.  These are the friends I schedule 2 weeks out with instead of the ones I keep room in my weekly calendar for... if that makes sense. 
 Other goals:  Art classes don't seem to be as easy either... especially considering that I want to take Spanish two days a week.. so I am trying to do more on my own, and started a club on facebook hopefully to get people together every few weeks.  the art stuff I have done  recently isn't great, but Ive enjoyed it. 
Voice or instrument lessons, seem to be taking a back seat to getting everything else settled. I played around on our house piano and I was awful. Its like I have lost all ability I have ever had.  Its weird how much it seems creative expression is a thing of the muse. There were times when I could know where the next note should be without trying... there are times now where every note comes out wrong.
We might get a cat. That would be nice.
I might need to make more space and throw things away, maybe these art club days can exhaust my materials.  If I could just lose my attachment to all of my cds... oh wow would that create some space. emotional investment in stuff... ick.

Speaking of emotional investment, what do I do about the German girl?
its not that I think it will ever work, but I want to be in love. So I read into her words and try to find the paths to make beauty of them. I wait on her responses, and enjoy that she asks questions.... but for what?  Its nice to have a crush. It gets you through the day easier.   Knowing someone in the world is interesting, and perhaps interested.  But if it goes no where... why invest so much?
And she is working again, so her responses will be less frequent... and perhaps she is stressed now, so her effort to translate will be less indulgent. and I am not learning German, because that would be one of those leaps of ridiculousness. But if nothing else looks like a pleasing path, why can't I like a girl who has light up eyes?