Derry exploits

On a six day tour with some nice Aussies a girl from Tennessee and 5 sorority   Girls from Texas.  The Real World,    Every one is nice and yesterday was the first realy drinking.  We went to a place in Derry called the metro.    The entertainment was two older men, maybe  40s. Singing songs hover computer tracks,  all covers, mostly 80s and today pop songs.    The patrons were done up in clubbing outfits and way too much make up.  The hilarity was that they were there sincerely and not for shots and giggles.  I started to get nervous when women started giving me flirtatious looks.   There were like 20 women who danced by themselves to the karaoke style music....   When you can't tell whether they are 18 or 45 because of the caked ok powder and the red red lipstick and they startling to rock out to get lucky.    Someone is in trouble.

Later we accident broke in to someone's apartment building...  Are main clue that we were in the wrong building was a pair for rain boots that no backpacker or tourist would wear.

Greetings from Dublin

 I'm glad I waited to post until today, yesterday I was feeling rather down. I am in Dublin, capital of Ireland, city of about 2 million, the oldest city in Ireland according to the history book I read. I'm sitting at a hostel, resting and charging my phone. It's been a long day already, but its only about 6ish so I guess I have awhile to go. I don't get how people party all nig and then have a reasonable day...  Anyway, yesterday I got into town after a blitz through the leeds airport. I was worried about being late, but it ended up being far to close for comfort. Next time. Thi k I need to just invest a little extra for the convenience.  Leeds was alright, seemed a little white trashy... Anyway, I got in yesterday and walked round for a bit, I had told myself to take the day off from. Site seeing but couldn't help a little when I stumbled  upon one of the museums I wanted to go to. I was in the mood for a rest because I was feeling pretty low. It wasn't just the trip that had me down, though not talking to anyone for a few days does do that to me... I was also a larger sort of recognition that my life has changed a lot in the last few years in ways that I can't really describe.   

If someone asks me "what's new?"  As Becky did when I saw her, I can't really describe new things... Like. No new job, no new major friends, no relationship, no family drama that is especially exciting, no babies, no school, no major projects.... I think I'm rather boring.   But at a certain point I realized there was something very new, that she could help me with, but I didn't know how t ask, and wasn't certain she had the response I wanted.   

"What's new?"   More than ever in my life I think I am fairly isolated and feeling unsupported. 

The difference between now and any time previous is that it isn't just in my head... It's not a feeling of being awkward and outcast, it's recognizing the real limits in your life... and this is an opportunity to make new friends, do cool new things, try something... But I'm not sure what it is I want, beyond friends or a girl friend....

So I went to York to see Becky, and though it was fine, it was fun, it was friendly... It wasn't best friend friendly, and I realized it probably won't be ever again. This in itself was a blow, but it made me wonder what the hell I was doing on a trip, when I couldn't really invest or have anyone really invest in me here... I'm on vacation from real connection ---> which is the only thing I truly desire.  It made me want to go home and made traveling seem so stupid.  

I came to Dublin under those circumstances and wrestled with them.  Is city is beautiful, there are wonderful people here, there is good history and I am looking forward to seeing the country, but a part of me is feeling like my romantic day dreamer fantasy traveler mode has led me astray.

That being said, the tour guide this morning was awesome, and I developed a sort of rockstar crush on her, (unfortunately for me she is in a relationship). And the tour guide in training told me she met her boyfriend on a trip just like this... So maybe I shouldn't give up so quickly.   

That last post was supposed to be on another blog, I will move it later. Also typing on an iPad is ridiculous because it auto corrects as you go and sometimes that is helpful and sometimes they put random periods and commas in and sometimes they are way off on their suggestion.  

 It's 7:40 pm and I am at a coffee shop in downtown Reykjavik.  It is clearing out which makes me a little concerned they will close but its Friday so I don't know why they would close early. 

Maybe it's dinner hour and everyone went home.

So I have been doing pretty well, mentally I go back and forth between really enjoying myself and being frustrated with money.  Physically I am annoyed I can't sleep all night, but its been really helpful for tours and things to wake early.  My right leg has been hurting every day, which is no different than when I'm walking at home, but its super annoying to have to stretch every half hour... And it makes me wonder if I tore something at some point. Other than that I am physically doing well, surprising since I am behind on sleep.

I guess tomorrow I am going to try to do a whale tour. The next day I am going to another peninsula further west on a really expensive tour... I hope is worth it.   Overall I think I will be spending a thousand plus on this one week in iceland... But hopefully I will never need to come back because I have seen it all. 

It hasn't been sunny the whole time I have been here, some days the blue peeks  through but the sun doesn't really.  My feet smell and my clothes probably will soon... Is that combination of walking for hours and getting wet over and over again.  It's not so bad since my pants dry fairly quickly but I don't really want to do Landry here in iceland because its going to cost me 8 bucks and for some reason I imagine I could get it cheaper in England... Which doesn't make an sense because the British pound is not going to be doing me any favors.   I'm going to spend a few days in Manchester than maybe meet up with Becky for a day or two and then head to Dublin.  I'm worried about the flight to Dublin because I think they purposely set it up so  people would be late and they could make more money.  I will probably have to call a taxi and that ain't gonna be cheap.   My goal is always to have a great time and it spend much, but on this trip I think I may just have to bite e bullet. 

Typing on this thing is really hurting my wrists. Like the worst arthritis I have ever had. 

Google maps says my hostel is 10 Kilometers away but I think it's less and I think it's walkable... Unfortunately with my leg being weird I don't think I should try... But it would be fun and give me something to do. 

Personal thoughts?    

I wonder what others think about me... Can they tell I'm a tourist right away? Can they tell how old I am? Do they think I look interesting or attractive? 

Furthermore,  am I?   I don't think I am going through some kind of crisis, but without a source of productivity and without friends or family to guide me, to mold me, to support me... Do I have anything to offer?

It's hard because while traveling you don't really get to know people... These relationships are so shallow and knowing that I will move on very soon, makes me think its more important to check in with Facebook than say hi to someone at a hostel... But I wonder if they are thinking that too... 

Most of e people I have met are on shorter trips... I guess one lady I hung out with a couple days ago was on  a much longer trip, but I didn't find I had that much of a need to impress her, and I wasn't necessarily impressed with her... Not because she wasn't interesting. Just wasn't needy, or drawn in. 

I remember one of the joys of traveling w as finding like minded people and they are here... But not in the same way.   Maybe my bod and my mind have changed. Maybe I shouldn't be doing these trips in is way anymore... Maybe I need to be in a group or go with friends. 

I'm not homesick and I'm not excited to go home. I'm really enjoying the trip other than the slight pains  on the body and the wallet.  But. I guess I thought I would be relaxed and curious... And I am not that yet.    I should give up electronics for a few days.   

Anyway. Maybe I need to take some Tylenol or something, you enjo yourself. 

Iceland impressions

Yesterday I got into iceland after a delayed flight from Minneapolis and Boston. My first impression was that it was a barren wasteland with rich volcanic soil. Super wet and cold.  I have come to find out this is many people's first impression of the reykjanes peninsula and the land between Keflavik and Reykjavik.

After recognizing that underneath this wet soil was a lyer of rock, that broke through the surface. On top mossy grass.   The land was flat except in the distance hills, later mountains. 

The bus took us into Reykjavik center from the north of the city, and it made me realize how grateful I am for arriving in a city the right way.  Some cities are messy and chaotic but most have a plan, if you can see it from the right angle, and the drive in provided that view, one that showed the north harbor could be a reference point until everything else was figured out.   But actually the touristy city center is really easy.  It's a series of streets radiating out from a central place not far from the harbor. 

I stayed in the domes guesthouse, a quiet but clean barebones kind of place. I don't even have bedding because it seems everyone else brought a sleeping bag... No maybe this shouldhave been my first clue that I wasn't really prepared for I iceland.

It was early when I got in so I decided to go fora walk.  It started sprinkling offering me the first chance to test out my rain gear... An irritating hard sprinkle of a rain, one that soaks you over time but t first seems like nothing.   I walked east, not the best direction to head, but it seemed that at 8 or 9 in the morning all of Reykjavik was dead and closed. 

I stopped into a 24 hour grocer to check prices... Things didn seem unreasonable but I really don't have a grip on the conversion rate... Ben and Jerry's ice team was like 10$ 

In that first few hours I saw very few people, but over time I saw a number of tattoo shops, graffiti, lingerie or sex shops, book stores, kaffe shops, music stores and more. 

Eventually I stopped for a muffin and a coffee. Which cost me like 7 bucks or something... And at this point I realized that everything in iceland was normal price plus a dollar or two more. If you are used to paying $2 it will be 3-4.   This is an irritating conclusion but one I have stuck to so far.

After checking out the man shopping streets and getting irritated with the dull girl at the tourist info shop.  I decided I should do something with m day so I could get out of Reykjavik as soon as possible and see everything I wanted to.

I  walked to the big cathedral church that is the highest point in the area.the view was great and I was feeling confident... So I walked down to some of the points I saw.  Heading towards the pond and the churches beyond... I ran into city hall which was having an exhibit on the capital as a literary city.   The pond was beautiful but I went further, after running around a different church and swooping around some neighborhoods I headed towards the harbor to ask about the whale watching tours.  I decided on which one i would take if I did take one...     Then checked out some of the restaurants and shops by the harbor, then ran into an art museum and though I was exhausted I decided I would take on the task the guy at the door gave of using my ticket to visit one of the other museums as well.  The first museum has some interesting pop art And comic book stuff, along with an exhibit of smells... I mean really it was a room with dozens of boxes and each box had a slightly different scent.  It was fascinating, but they were all slightly perfume-y. So it was also maybe not as interesting as it cold have been.  Still they needed the whole room to work together so I guess it has to be a pseudo base scent.

Anyway I liked that stuff, but I was sleepy s I walked to another coffee shop and got some green tea.  Then walked to the other art museum which showed Icelandic painters in the first half of the 20th century, and what hit me the most was that many of the landscapes had been in the tourist videos I watched on the flight.

After  the art museum I decided it would be best to visit the other tall monument the pearl museum with the saga tour or whatever.... It was a long walk through some fields and some highways and I sang best friends forever to myself while trying not to freak out about the pain in my knee. 

The museums view was spectacular we'll worth the walk, but the museum itself wasn't too hot, in act I did not recommend it to other folks in the hostel - even though they went and loved it.  The audio guide was good, but the model recreations were pretty shite, and it felt a lot like a less good version of Jorvik.   After that I decided for was in order but I could find anywhere I wanted to eat so I ended up retracing my steps back over by the harbor. I ended up getting a killer doner kebab and fries and was satisfied.... Then I had some energy so I went down to the harbor to check out the views along the coast.   

At a certain point I decided I would need to sleep so I headed back to my hostel and met up with the folks who were there. As I was about to charge my phone I realized that my adaptor didn't work and ran out to a store... Eventually purchasing a new one (for the next few days) at a cost of 15$ 

Maybe this is when my mood changed or when I got back to the hostel to try to plan out the rest of my trip.

I was cross referencing hostels to the places on the map I wanted to go and found nothing within my price range.  Ys I could stay snaelfellsnes for around 100 a night but that didn't guarantee I could get to the mountain or get back to the city the next day.   Us I cold stay 2 hours away from this other park but for 60 bucks a night  and same issues of transportation... Then I started realizing that even many of these places were fully booked, and spooked I decided "shit I better stay here and just take tours" but when I looked for vacancies in Reykjavik through the weekend there was NOTHING!  I was freaking out.c.. Did I need to leave iceland all together?  I decided no, I will just book a place closer to the airport so for the next few days I will be staying in hafnarfjordur which is apparently like the next big city south of here that no one has heard of, except I guess they have a troll village or something... I look forward to it, but it brings up more issues too.

I will get back to that at some point, probably when I just bite the bullet and do it.

I went to bed frustrated, but recognizing that even if I spent 1000 dollars for the next few days I'd still be alright... Annoyed spiteful even but alright.  

I woke up at 3 am, but with a plan. Today was the day for the golden circle, a tour of notable sites, a major waterfall, an awesome geyser and the rift between the North American and European tectonic plates  which happens to also be the place where iceland became a pseudo democracy - establishing a parliament hundreds of years before it was cool in other countries.

This trip was awesome.... And I am hoping to show it in pictures, but a few things came to me while i was there.... A) iceland is awesome B) with sights like these I understand why they charge so much C) I love traveling even if I hate it too sometimes.     And many more thoughts I will share at some point r not. 

City and selfies

Xenocide and thoughts and travels

First off, I am reading Xenocide the third in the Ender's Game series, and like the first two, it has definitely made me think about a lot of things. The second one, Speaker for the Dead was in some ways a pretty life changing book. This one, is not quite that mind blowing, but there are some wonderful elements so far and some great things to think about.  Its hard to balance the equation between the mind expanding and value changing ideas found in the books vs the author who seems to be pretty much a tool. Some of the author's view points are based around his understanding of genetic continuation within humans through sexuality, a point brought up in the books, but that doesn't seem to be the way the situation is handled in the books... there seems to be a more "enlightened" view... anyway it was that exact point I was thinking about at 11:00 on a Friday night while I read in a coffee shop full of middle aged and older men, each of us alone at a separate table.  
Some of the main characters(a brother and sister) in trying to help an alien species recognize that your genetic code doesn't control your life describe human history in its basics, evolutionarily there are different roles being played out. Men either act aggressively, spread their seed and conquer, or attempt to provide stable and supportive environments for their partners (sometimes a mix of both). Women sometimes seek out the aggressive males, and sometimes seek out the supportive males. 
This is the sort of typical simplify to the mating habits approach... and yet none of us ever really think about it too much... in fact while the sister is describing it the brother becomes uncomfortable. He thinks "I have done both of these, but I don't choose to see myself in either way at the core..."   he also realizes that though successful in both accounts (in the first book, he is the ultimate warrior, the second book the ultimate peacemaker),  he has married, but never had his own children. He has helped raise his wife's children. He has a slight recognition that although he has fulfilled both of the ultimate roles in essence he has failed as a member of the species to pass on his genes... this doesn't cause him to fall apart, but its an odd moment to recognize... and I looked around the room at at least 6-7 men ranging from late 30s to 60s and wondered if they too had offered all they could, would continue to make societal contributions but perhaps not pass on their genes.   
and I looked at the new barista the young skinny one that seemed to show up 2 weeks ago but already was part of the team... and wondered about how much of the "attraction" I felt to her or anyone in the room was based on genetics and how much was based on choice, or free will, or spirit, or intelligence.    I always find the moments of raw simple evolutionary survival strategies to be uncomfortable...  perhaps because regardless of whether I want to believe or act upon them... they are somewhat true?  Maybe I am failing at my purpose...  maybe I should have a promiscuous phase and see what comes of it.  


I leave for Iceland on Monday. I am excited and suddenly a little scared. I feel like there is a lot to do, and a lot left undone. My room is a mess of semi-packed things ready to be transferred to a new home. If I die, most of my books are at Jareds... but thats about it.

If I die, go through all the writing and drawing and you will surely find out a little more about what I was. Or have your suspicions confirmed or rejected or made more complex.

I plan on doing a lot of writing and hopefully updating a few blogs and posting on the facebook. 
If nothing else, there will be a lot of pictures I think... I am not sure what to expect from this half planned half assed trip. I have been reading a lot about Ireland, and watching movies and getting excited, but Iceland is kind of a mystery to me. A cold and rainy mystery if the weather report is to believed. I hope it doesn't rain the whole day and is more like a few minutes of rain then nothing... The pictures are going to be washed out I am guessing... better use some instagram shit. 

My life is full and yet pretty empty of people. I spend more time with my Dad than anyone else lately. Doesn't feel bad, just not what I expected at this point in my life.