Wavering

So I am not a biological father yet. That was some news today. I can't say I have strong emotions one way or the other, I was sort of expecting this, at least the first time. 

My afternoon plans were cancelled so I am waiting for my evening plans to come around. 

Did some reading on development of racial identity and I find it sort of fascinating but want to talk to someone about it. Want to continue to explore these topics with people, but it feels so risky to do in our society. I am always amazed by people who walk through the societal norms without thinking about it, but in many ways I think that requires someone who is not afraid to make a fool of themselves... and though I do, frequently, I fear it as well.  The book I am having my students read in our advisory class talks about divisions of race and ethnicity within high school. It will be interesting to see what comes up in discussions... who will talk? 

But I was also thinking about how glad I am to have been reading more diverse histories of the americas... it allows me to sprinkle in positive images of different groups of people who are normally excluded or dismissed within text books.

Always a challenge to recognize and reflect on the taboo. 

SoT is sort of starting up again in the next few weeks... It will be interesting to see if we can put something more sustainable together. Recognize the actual capacity and actual needs of the community. 


I am really not sure what kind of energy I have right now. I feel simultaneously intrigued by new faces and desirous of people, and also totally shy and disinterested. Its bizarre.
Before she left Becky implied that I had changes a lot from who she knew in college. I think that is partially true... in some ways met my capacity, in some ways exposed to a larger more spread out crowd, in some ways more invested in specific aspects of my life like work, but also more and less confident. More confident in handling things, less confident in exploring new people.