zooma zoom zoom

I bought a scale today, I think I may try to get into shape.
People have been telling me I look skinnier than normal... like I lost weight on my trip... I weigh 164 today..
There is part of me that has resisted buying a scale for a long time, because scales bring about really bad temptations. Because scales mean all the secrets ways you destroy yourself, the challenge and joy of cutting from flesh each pound, the games you play, the increasingly self absorbed thought assaults.
Strangely enough, I think I am counting on it to help drive me.
I am going to join a gym and unlike last year, I'm going to go. Gain muscle and hopefully some stamina, do some cardio work so I don't die really young and don't have to worry about losing my feet to some disease I feel destined to have. I am going to stay disciplined and organized, keep a schedule, reward and punish myself. I am going to prepare food at home, eat more fruits and veggies, grocery shop more often.
I am going to deal with the stress of work and other things in new ways, less retreat, more action, rather than passive inaction until it disappears. Try to create behaviors that bring about good thoughts, rather than thinking through everything and hoping it creates good behaviors.
I am going to take community ed classes or something like that, hopefully with friends.
I am going to save enough money that I can take a shorter trip next summer and have the option of visiting Becky whenever I have time and desire.