List of things you are thankful for.

A friend of mine tried something like this a while back, don't know how she is doing on it.
Anyway, I think I need to focus on what I am thankful for again.
Lately I have been having a lot of discussions with people about how I am less impressed by things than I used to be. I was thinking about this again on the way to Sioux Falls watching the frozen landscape mozy by, it seemed vacant of anything exciting. It seemed like earth frozen with a hat made of snow. It was not vibrant, it was not good thrilling or anything else. Maybe it isn't supposed to be. Maybe winter is the time when we are supposed to take a rest from being impressed, but I feel like this is beginning to be a theme in my life and I am not comfortable with it.

When I talked to Becky about it, I said "I think I over exposed myself to the world too soon, so now everything is less impressive." I feel like that may have been part of the problem... but I also feel like maybe I am too comfortable, or too ungrateful to truly dwell on the things that bring pleasure rather than brush them off.

We could go into all the reasons I don't like to get my hopes up... but that is a different post.

Anyway... there have been times in my life when I was super depressed and super unexcited (maybe over stimulated) but I was able to find hope in the smallest things just by sitting down and focusing on them. So I am going to try to do that a little bit more and maybe that will lead to more positive, excited thoughts.

Otherwise I fear I will be an old man who has grown tired of life by the time I am thirty.
I also think this may alleviate some of my insecurities, giving credit to the normal is a pretty powerful thing for example just saying "yes I am insecure about(this) but isn't that pretty interesting?" kind of makes me reexamine and be impressed by things rather than just feel the dread.


Am I alone in this?

I don't think I am, but sometimes I think I become a little extreme. For instance Steve and Pete were talking about how they don't really care about video games anymore, aren't impressed and don't care. Both these guys used to spend years of their lives in front of the screen.
Steve even said he doesn't really like playing basketball anymore. WOW


I still like drawing and painting. I still like concerts even if I don't seem like I am as into them as I used to be. I am often thinking of a hundred thousand things and get distracted.
I used to put my hair down and not care. Now I can't because someone else is always there.


Things I am thankful for:
Vick's vapor rub and Ricola
- I think the heavy regiment of menthol and mints and all that has really added to my sickness... Sometimes mint can be irritating to my stomach too.
I am happy that these ricola, though weird at first, are a soothing alternative to the Halls. Once you have one or two, they start tasting exotic and sweet -what is "herb" flavor? and yes I know that there is menthol in these too... but it doesnt seem as irritating.

Friendly competition
In high school we used to play spades during study hall (the one I had in all of high school). It was a group of people I wouldn't call friends, but certainly not unfriendly... except during study hall. Maybe it was the fact that I was dating one of the dude's ex girlfriend... or that my friend had done shit with the other one's sister... but my partner and I were continuously being taunted and dissed and I quickly came to understand that I would never win and never leave feeling good. Normally I have been able to throw off these comments without much regard, but for some reason in that study period it did not happen. Spades is a rough game.
Last night we played. My first time since I was 17-8 and though it got heated, pete was pretty irritated with me and zach being so new to the game (I was relearning), it was still rather fun.

Little Tijuana at 2 Am...
Thanks for being open... For having hosts and waitresses who always seem pissed off but let their guard down occasionally with a smirk or a half smile. Their eyes outlined with midnight, spitting fire, spirited doms who like characters but wont let it show. Oh and also the food is always good enough and the multicolored lights let me know I have left the cold streets of Minneapolis for a moment, sunk into some random dudes acid trip in shitty glorified blackmarket sex ridden Tijuana.

Thats enough for now. I have to buy TP, Paper Towels, Drain Cleaner and maybe carpet cleaner?