Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

So I had this dream before waking up.. where I reacted with rage at someone, got in a little fight, not anything truly physical, but slapping spitting sort of thing... but in the dream I felt that rage, that surge of adrenaline that comes with a temper, that feeling of dominance you get when you try to hurt to someone... and it was so weird, because when I woke I realized I havent had that in years... I havent reacted with unguarded rage in probably i dunno 10 years? not that I havent had small fights and what not, but always so held back... and even the incident that I always talk about where I went off on Nikki I thought that I was being honest not cruel, helpful not hurtful... until I realized how wrong I was.
but it was really weird how the dream reminded me what that felt like. I spend so much time guarding myself and others from my temper, my anger, my mean side... that I had forgotten what it was like.

one possible reason for having this dream, was from watching all these episodes of the west wing last night... often times the charcters fight with eachother because they are in high stress jobs, and lose it... even the president does this in one episode where a friend of his is killed in a plane that was targeted by the syrian government, and he feels like they need true retaliation, his staff is able to separate the feelings, and eventually advise him to accept that there can be no real retaliation for the death of innocents.

Its a wonderful show. been one of my favs since i saw my first episode.

I think James gets some of his inspiration and drive from it.
its weird though, politics isnt my field -i can tell, I dont have the adrenaline, Im too collected too willing to make compromises when in reality decisive action must be taken.

I find myself doing this with the whole political realm... I watched a documentary against global warming the other day, and started accepting that there are some major flaws in the theory.
Im starting to wonder if tax cuts could be a good thing in certain cases (from listening to the radio) and if government actually is too big.
-no im not getting more conservative, just willing to accept some stuff.... but it is hard for me to lose my liberal agenda completely because the inherent oppression is still there...
I rarely forget that part.


anyway.... maturing is a weird thing.