Home

I've been home for a week, it feels like less because it's all been so rushed or maybe because I didn't have a car the first three days. 

Yesterday I walked around Lake of the Isles in awe of how beautiful Minnesota is. I was walking super slow, casually thinking my thoughts and singing my songs, I was walking with my eyes closed allowing the sun to smudge images on the back of my eyelids, I was unafraid and happy. 

I was thinking how perfect a non humid day can be. How easy it was to relax into familiar surroundings, and trying hard to not spoil the moment, but to remember that it isn't always this way. 

Opportunities have been flying my way, due in great thanks to my mom who has been making connections for me. 

I'm starting at Dunn Bros next week. 

I may have a new place to live before I go out of town next weekend. 

I may have a second job, or some opportunities for teaching or for the future, lining up. 

Everyone wants to help, doors are open, they assume it will be fine.

My expectations are not high, but they are in the cloud of happiness. 

I've told people I will take stock in January or February and see if I'm staying. 

I had moms guitar re-stringed. I've been playing 2 or 3 chords. 

I've been reading a book.

I haven't had access to my computer yet so I'm not writing, but I feel like everything is going too fine. Too easy to melt back into a life where privilege and connections and a good background seem to be guarantees... And I'm happy.

Transitions

I'm home and stuck without a car... I may be over exaggerating but I don't want to find myself in an insurance battle, so I'm trying not to drive at all.  

My mother's house is welcoming, but not home. I have no things and no access to get them, so I'm mostly moving between my bed and the couch in te living room playing on the Internet, researching or reading.  

Yesterday I saw my brother, and illy. 

Today I have been stuck inside.

I applied to two jobs, and already had 1 phone interview (she is a friend of the family). Got a follow up for Wednesday. I am more interested in the other job, but this could be a way to meet people and see mctc campus more. 

Potentially having both jobs would help pay the bills. 

I've been looking at that more and more. 

I knew taking a break from a career path would be a little rough on my finances, but considering I will be starting over completely with new furniture, new wardrobe, new everything... Well let's hope I can take advantage of back to school college stuff. 

I've also been looking for apartments.

With the exception of reading and seeing people, and walking a lot I've done nothing along the lines of my actual goals... But maybe when I get settled the creative projects can begin.  

New Beginnings

I was hanging with Lyda last night and while attempting to talk about the projects and hobbies I hope to start/continue I said that they are sort of like teen dreams I never accomplished.

A cd- let's make it a tape of recordings... and then I can hand out Walkmans for people to listen to it (so exclusive)

A book - let's make it something obscure and science fictional so that no one is interested.

A painting - let's put it on a website or hang it in a small coffee shop gallery near the bathroom so no one will look... 

And after that maybe I can get back on a track where I care about the world in a meaningful way, a way in which I desire to contribute to the solutions.

But until then I don't want the responsibility, it creates a pool of dread and resistance somewhere in me, very similarly to when I was a teenager. 

So new beginnings, yes but also quite familiar.

Woke up at 7:20 to go for a walk with my Dad, he slept in accidentally. I am le tired.