Gotta Love the Dayjoborchestra

If you can't tell the dialogue is completely made up from what it looks like they could be saying.

Makes Me Cry cuz its just too beautiful

"Still Exists" by John Craigie

Saw your raincoat on my porch today, crumpled up next to my feet
I must admit it seemed kinda strange, cause it hasn't rained here in weeks
Funny how things in life can be like the rain, between sun and storm we don't know what is best
The rain it is long gone but your raincoat still exists

I've been growing my beard out, got it all soft like it was with us
I know you never liked my hairy face, but it sure felt good when we touched
Funny how things in life can be like hair, we remove them but they just come back so thick
Your touch it is long gone, but my beard still exists

If you were around you'd be hearing my guitar, cause I've been playing more often than usual
I guess it's the fun of being single or the pain of knowing that you could
Funny how things in life can be like songs they begin they end and then they're gone
You stopped singing me yours a long time ago but I haven't stopped thanking you for each one that I got

Because love is not a cold, love is not the flu
I don't think getting over people is what you're supposed to do
Love is a gift, thank you love.

John Craigie is a wonderful storytelling folk singer. In the middle of this song he starts to tell a story about how failing is ok, in fact it can be good... he starts to tell this story because he is reminded of a bad show he did and a sign that he saw after that said "If you haven't failed lately, you haven't tried."

Anyway he tells a story of childhood about how he sucked at baseball and how eventually this really helped his team because he was able to strike out at the key moment and win the game.

Then he continues on with the last two verses... the two stories have nothing in common, except his gentle guitar playing, humor and love, but somehow you think the whole world is related after he is done...

Its really beautiful.

Sucker for Love

I think the biggest barrier between me and a relationship or a hook up or anything is my doubts that someone would actually like me for me. Or would still appreciate me if I told them all my secrets and interests.
I recently caught myself thinking some pretty extreme thoughts about someone who I am not even really attracted to because I thought they might not judge me.
When I review the list of people I have really liked it was usually because they liked me, I am not saying I like everyone who likes me... but the people who seemed to hint that they could accept me, I let my guard down to.
I dunno.... just interesting.
time for bed

Not a Knight Tonight

You ever go to a weird exciting theater, spoken word, dancing and singing type performance that happens to be celebrating Femme celebration of sex and love and the audience is full of queer and lesbian types who seem comfortable and excited and energetic and honest... and the show is fresh and bold and hilarious and amazing, and then right during the last two numbers two drunk guys walk in try to ruin the whole thing... because they are drunk and looking for a good time and don't understand the celebration they are ruining... so you get really angry because they are sitting right behind you... and even though you think gender and sex stereotypes are bullshit you really want to beat the crap out of them "because you should as a man" and you are trying to think of the best way to deal with it... but instead you just keep letting it happen because you can't really think of anything without threatening them openly... and while you are doing nothing 3 tough ass lesbians who you have been admiring all night come over surround the guys and continually tell them to shut up every time they try to talk... intimidating them enough that they realize (at the very least) that they shouldn't ruin the show anymore even though they don't really realize or can't admit that they were doing anything wrong... and afterward you feel ashamed because even your female friend had the courage to say something bold and honest to them... but you didn't...? that ever happen?

Yeah... I feel pretty lame.
Also... I still get sick.
but it was a good show... thanks to Becky for making me aware of it... and also Jess for inviting me because I wouldn't have gone otherwise.

off balance like the biker with the case of Natty Ice

I was reading poetry tonight. A local poet by the name of 6 is 9 (or Khary Jackson) who had wowed me a few weeks back. I have his spoken word cd in my car and had listened to his piece about artists and poets, and then I raced inside to look for the words, saddened when I couldn't find them in the chap book, I eagerly searched for them throughout his myspace. I came up short. I read a lot of good ones though... So much so that I wanted to find a piece of mine that I could be equally as proud of, so I searched through them less eagerly on one of the 50 million blogs I keep. I came up short.
Its always that way isn't it? Not quite inspired enough to go for the gold or really hit the right note, so your poetry falls flat, so that even when you are really into it, its still just not olympic.
This is why we revere Gods at mountains and oceans instead of in ourselves.

The thought of having 11 followers freaks me out.
You should be devoting your time to something higher like world peace or ending starvation or giving all humans free health care or ending slavery or making people smile, or at least giving them good orgasms.

One of my students said that I always push them to do better, its a good thing we don't talk about orgasms at school.

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On 4 other notes...

A) Chatroulette! seems like it would be really fun, but I am too scared to show my face.
B) I have no idea how to do what I am supposed to do for my cult. How do you put into words and steps the process for making human connections and caring about people. Its really bothering me that I don't know how to do what is expected of me (on some level).
C) Its finals time at school... I go back and forth between being extremely proud and being extremely disappointed with my students (and the future of humankind).
D) I am really not entertaining enough to have 11 followers... Feel free to lose interest at any time.

Wonderland

I saw the movie...
I associate Alice in Wonderland with two things:

A: "White Rabbit"/Drugs/Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas


B: The storyteller.
Warmth and sleep, I swear I wanted to listen all night or hold you but I was equally wishing to dream of the stories you told, sang, became.
I spent the whole movie wanting to text you, wondering if you had seen it, what you thought, if it was blasphemy or good, if it was exciting or sad.
I wanted to write my number on your wall and say "for drunk dialing on your new phone, sing me a song again."




There is a scene in the movie that reminds me of the excitement and trepidation of new love, I don't mean the feeling of being excited for someone new, or liking someone, a crush... I mean recognizing that you love someone, approaching them for the first time after recognizing it, a surge of confidence as you embrace the idea, a slight fear that the other person doesn't, and the nervousness of not knowing if it all shows too much, because you can't hold back your smile, or the joy you feel at seeing them. You feel certain that everything has changed though its still all in the same place, and your love... standing or sitting or resting just so in their place... makes you want to thank the heavens that they are still there.

Its like recognizing that your reality is the dream you have been loving and waiting for.
Every thing in its right place.

It was nice to feel, even if it was just a movie.