I had this horrible dream last night, It was like everything I hope im not happening because i momentarily lost control, and then a complete inability to pick up the pieces, a realization of permenance in that area of being guilty...
of ruining the things (the relationships) that drag me out of that everytime.
On a lighter note I spent 8 euros today to get wireless and turn in all my homework, (well most of it) hopefully end up with a B in those classes but we shall see.
Tonight we head for Paris, Aprehensive because of decisions made from worries, but looking forward to seeing someone in particular, and also maybe to move on to easier things? I guess I have been looking at the time with Alexis and Illy as my vacation from all this traveling, not that it has been particularly hard, I actually feel quite healthy and such. Im just wondering bout the future.
hopefully now we will find our directions to the hostel/hotel in paris.
peace and love from WIEN
Monday, February 27, 2006
same update as on the one for class, more when i get cheap internet
Conversations
Madrid
Welsh, student living in western England.
In Madrid late one night, a young drunken Welsh lad, saw that I was awake, typing away or drawing silly pictures on my computer one night, and waved me out of my solitude, and proceeded to chat up a storm, which led many near by to become disgruntled but we ventured forth in to the lands of laughter and good conversation, while all the while he stood facing my bunk bed tapping his fingers on my closed lap top and I sat semi nervous on the top bunk whilst Krystin kicked the mattress beneath me to warn me of the hour.
I’m not sure I even caught his name, and the next day I realized he probably wouldn’t have talked to me (and didn’t for the next two days) had he not been drunk, but we had a good time.
The conversation began, simply, “Where are you from?” I asked noticing his strange accent (not quite English and not Scottish, but hardly thick or distinctive at all…) and he said Wales, which I gave a weird look at him for (knowing that Welsh accents are usually quite distinct) he said, well I live in England, and I thought ok that might do it… and asked where, and he said “in between Manchester and Liverpool” which I then laughed at, because once again you got some distinctive accents there and I explained why I laughed and he said “yeah isn’t it weird, how like every town has a different accent?” and then we started talking about that, and how in Britain just about anyone can tell where a person is from if they are local (sometimes down to the neighborhood of a city) or about where they are from just because of the way they speak, (something I’m quite fond of guessing in secret, which is why his case posed a particular challenge being not quite anywhere specific)
Anyway are conversation began in ways of speaking, then switched to words in English, the similarities and differences (mainly focused on American vs Britain, leaving Canadians, Aussies and Kiwis for another day)
So we proceeded to discuss the fact that different cities/regions have different words for things, with him occasionally spitting out phrases I couldn’t understand, and me occasionally using my casual and very anti formal American slang (which I do without realizing it, sometimes even in papers, (( as a warning)))
And then we started discussing why he was able to understand me while I couldn’t understand him, which lead to a conversation very briefly on the media, and then flooded into politics, after I explained that I had recently heard that our vice president shot a man but would not go to jail…
Anyway we started comparing notes, on the US, Iraq and Afghanistan, the EU, but mostly on the British political system and its similarities and vast differences to the US system.
For instance I got to explain why we had Bush for a president despite losing the popular vote, and he got to explain the trend toward conservatism that Tony Blair has recently turned to (his theory was for reasons of legacy)
Our similarities side began to add up when comparing leaders, and we especially noted the trend towards the middle that both sides of our respective political parties (in each country) tend to start running to. That popular middle ground…. While both of us complained about wanting a left party that leaned left and a right party that leaned right, (Each of us agreeing that we would surely vote left, if we felt they were left enough)
I started wondering how to get this on track for a globalization spin, so I brought up Britain’s position in the EU, and he explained how more and more he was sick of the west’s view of globalization being something so horrible, the classic “they will take our jobs” line of the right along with the popular “its hurting people economically in other countries” line of the left, had left him with a feeling of frustration. He felt personally that the west could offer several jobs, and that that was capitalism so why not, and that the thing to do, (not that globalization is unstoppable) was to stop complaining and speed up the possible process of making it work for all. (I heard very similar things in India).
By making it work for all, he meant using systems of government to ensure equality and relative security to all, and felt that this was the EU’s intention, but that the countries who stall or do not work to make the changes help their citizens are merely hurting themselves… In this sense, the EU is the world on a smaller scale. That’s about it from what I remember.
Barcelona.
This would run a lot more into Krystin’s topic
But I went out with 2 guys one night to get tapas (some nice Spanish food, that I don’t eat cuz I’m a picky eater, and I don’t understand why every Spanish dish(except Paella) has jamon in it…?
Anyway, a night on the town in the heart of Barcelona eventually led us down the more seedy streets of the Gothic Quarter (as a side note Barcelona is one of my favorites cities in the world)
Anyway I was with an English guy from Manchester and an Aussie from Perth, and the guy from Manchester had seen a pub earlier in the day called “Manchester” and thus he had to take us, more for laughs then for anything else.
Our conversation was mainly centered on four things: traveling, food, comedy and very seldom politics.
The traveling bit we got out of the way early all of us fairly well traveled, which led to the conversation on American junk food, and Australian delicacies such as oh say anything but wombats and koalas apparently….
It was kind of funny as the English guy went down a list of anything he could think up, including snakes, crocs, roos and grubs, and the other guy checked off each item as if it were nothing and compared them to what he figured we would know, I think he said he hadn’t had British blood pudding (or whatever that stuff is called) which I had to agree didn’t sound too good.
From there we started going into comedy tv and comedians, which was a fairly interesting conversation I found hard to follow noting that I had only seen like three of the shows…but apparently British comedies are often exported to Australia where they tend to do quite well if they aren’t too dry…. The British guy explained why American comedy doesn’t do too well in Britain, mainly it is too blunt or too posh as in too fancy and wealthy, where as British comedies go after the middle class working family, or typical office situations which everyone can relate to. The Australian shows minus one (that one Kylie Minogue was on-she is now a pop singer) almost never do well in Britain because Brits are too classy for low brow beer humor, was the general opinion….
Anyway both of these guys were huge fans of American cartoons like Simpsons, south park and family guy, (all pushing the extreme) and would settle for things like cheers, friends and seinfeld which they found appealing (in that middle class sense)
As far as politics, it was funny, for 3 worldly guys semi well educated and such we preferred to get the old well how do you feel about bush question out of the way and then move away from politics. But I think when you look past that level, you got three guys complaining about paying too much to travel (knowing full well the fact they are able to puts us in like the top 5 % of the world’s wealthiest, and still we complain) We scoff and joke about the silliness of the Danish printing anti Muslim cartoons in their papers causing riots and the deaths of several protesters… meanwhile we tend to each proclaim the glory of the free press (me especially loving European papers and news because its less censored, but just as hyped)
And then we discuss foods and television, suggesting snacks and programs to download or buy the dvd of ignoring the fact that most of the world cant afford that food or even dream about that computer of tv or dvd player…..All night the english guy had been trying to use his debit card at the atms finding they had cut him off for the day (reached his daily limit) which he hadn’t and I started wondering about our dependency on global banking, electronic transactions, etc…
So the next time I was at an ATM I took out extra money, just in case the same thing happened to me.
Later in the hostel in Barcelona a group of 8 or so of us, Germans, Americans, Aussies, Canadians, and Argentineans spent about 20 minutes trying to figure out the name of a set crème dessert with vanilla beans and sometimes raspberry sauce…. That was funny with 8 minds looking through translation dictionaries hoping to stumble on the right word, hoping even more that if one of us did we could convince the others that that was indeed what we were looking for. Its not flan, its not tiramisu, its not pudding, its not…. Etc etc.. French German Spanish three types of English not one of us could figure out the word.
But a girl from Toronto made my day and said she drinks coca cola and Orange Juice together which is a drink im quite fond of, and that I have never been able to convince anyone is good. I think I fell in love.
Ignoring the Anthropology student/free lance writer I met last night who gave me a lecture on ethnography while I was typing a paper on Anth methods…
I had a conversation with a Turkish man tonight that I may go visit again..
We have become quite fond of Kebabs (apparently “Gyro” is trademarked or something)
So I was out for a late bite, and the guy asked me if I was Australian and I said “na, American” with a sigh like I tend to do… and he apologized saying that he cant tell English speakers apart by country. And I nodded figuring its probably like how I cant tell Germans from Austrians or Dutch even though they are apparently quite different, but assuming that he wasn’t from any of these countries I asked and he said he was from Turkey. Having been there I asked where and he said Istanbul (because everyone from Turkey says that) and I remarked how it was one of my favorite cities in the world, life, beauty, culture, history, millions of people, whats not to love? anyway I started wondering whether he was Turk or Kurd but he answered without me asking saying as a turk in Austria he felt like Istanbul was still the most beautiful place in the world. He said he had lived in Vienna for three years and that every night he still dreams of the city. What is it that is so great?
You are free in Istanbul he continued, true you have laws and rules and such but there is a natural chaos that comes from a city like that (his closest comparison was New York). He loved that in his city you could find anything, you had everything you needed, 4 religions on one block, not being a devoted Muslim by any means he noted the beauty of the mosque (while sipping beer). “In the mosque” he said “you have light from everywhere, unlike in the churches of Europe which as dark the domes allow for light and color, warmth, and carpets…”
He was a cook by trade but an artist by birth, by love, by nature and noted the colors of Istanbul or the mosques, etc. His colorful paintings decorate the room. (and being a bit of an artist myself) I asked him about them.
He started discussing the symbols and colors, the compliments etc, and then started talking about the Turkish (oriental) in Austria and how the Austrians don’t have color, or life, expression in their art, they don’t express from the heart, (according to Austrians who buy “oriental” art) and so the “oriental” art is extremely popular and it is easy to get a show, etc.
He also noted that his parents (who were still practicing Muslims, and didn’t let him sell pork in his store) were quite famous amongst other Turkish people in Vienna because they came very early and helped many of the people around here get legitimately in touch with the Austrian Gov’t for social services and visas and such. Pretty cool guy, makes a delicious sandwich.
Conversations
Madrid
Welsh, student living in western England.
In Madrid late one night, a young drunken Welsh lad, saw that I was awake, typing away or drawing silly pictures on my computer one night, and waved me out of my solitude, and proceeded to chat up a storm, which led many near by to become disgruntled but we ventured forth in to the lands of laughter and good conversation, while all the while he stood facing my bunk bed tapping his fingers on my closed lap top and I sat semi nervous on the top bunk whilst Krystin kicked the mattress beneath me to warn me of the hour.
I’m not sure I even caught his name, and the next day I realized he probably wouldn’t have talked to me (and didn’t for the next two days) had he not been drunk, but we had a good time.
The conversation began, simply, “Where are you from?” I asked noticing his strange accent (not quite English and not Scottish, but hardly thick or distinctive at all…) and he said Wales, which I gave a weird look at him for (knowing that Welsh accents are usually quite distinct) he said, well I live in England, and I thought ok that might do it… and asked where, and he said “in between Manchester and Liverpool” which I then laughed at, because once again you got some distinctive accents there and I explained why I laughed and he said “yeah isn’t it weird, how like every town has a different accent?” and then we started talking about that, and how in Britain just about anyone can tell where a person is from if they are local (sometimes down to the neighborhood of a city) or about where they are from just because of the way they speak, (something I’m quite fond of guessing in secret, which is why his case posed a particular challenge being not quite anywhere specific)
Anyway are conversation began in ways of speaking, then switched to words in English, the similarities and differences (mainly focused on American vs Britain, leaving Canadians, Aussies and Kiwis for another day)
So we proceeded to discuss the fact that different cities/regions have different words for things, with him occasionally spitting out phrases I couldn’t understand, and me occasionally using my casual and very anti formal American slang (which I do without realizing it, sometimes even in papers, (( as a warning)))
And then we started discussing why he was able to understand me while I couldn’t understand him, which lead to a conversation very briefly on the media, and then flooded into politics, after I explained that I had recently heard that our vice president shot a man but would not go to jail…
Anyway we started comparing notes, on the US, Iraq and Afghanistan, the EU, but mostly on the British political system and its similarities and vast differences to the US system.
For instance I got to explain why we had Bush for a president despite losing the popular vote, and he got to explain the trend toward conservatism that Tony Blair has recently turned to (his theory was for reasons of legacy)
Our similarities side began to add up when comparing leaders, and we especially noted the trend towards the middle that both sides of our respective political parties (in each country) tend to start running to. That popular middle ground…. While both of us complained about wanting a left party that leaned left and a right party that leaned right, (Each of us agreeing that we would surely vote left, if we felt they were left enough)
I started wondering how to get this on track for a globalization spin, so I brought up Britain’s position in the EU, and he explained how more and more he was sick of the west’s view of globalization being something so horrible, the classic “they will take our jobs” line of the right along with the popular “its hurting people economically in other countries” line of the left, had left him with a feeling of frustration. He felt personally that the west could offer several jobs, and that that was capitalism so why not, and that the thing to do, (not that globalization is unstoppable) was to stop complaining and speed up the possible process of making it work for all. (I heard very similar things in India).
By making it work for all, he meant using systems of government to ensure equality and relative security to all, and felt that this was the EU’s intention, but that the countries who stall or do not work to make the changes help their citizens are merely hurting themselves… In this sense, the EU is the world on a smaller scale. That’s about it from what I remember.
Barcelona.
This would run a lot more into Krystin’s topic
But I went out with 2 guys one night to get tapas (some nice Spanish food, that I don’t eat cuz I’m a picky eater, and I don’t understand why every Spanish dish(except Paella) has jamon in it…?
Anyway, a night on the town in the heart of Barcelona eventually led us down the more seedy streets of the Gothic Quarter (as a side note Barcelona is one of my favorites cities in the world)
Anyway I was with an English guy from Manchester and an Aussie from Perth, and the guy from Manchester had seen a pub earlier in the day called “Manchester” and thus he had to take us, more for laughs then for anything else.
Our conversation was mainly centered on four things: traveling, food, comedy and very seldom politics.
The traveling bit we got out of the way early all of us fairly well traveled, which led to the conversation on American junk food, and Australian delicacies such as oh say anything but wombats and koalas apparently….
It was kind of funny as the English guy went down a list of anything he could think up, including snakes, crocs, roos and grubs, and the other guy checked off each item as if it were nothing and compared them to what he figured we would know, I think he said he hadn’t had British blood pudding (or whatever that stuff is called) which I had to agree didn’t sound too good.
From there we started going into comedy tv and comedians, which was a fairly interesting conversation I found hard to follow noting that I had only seen like three of the shows…but apparently British comedies are often exported to Australia where they tend to do quite well if they aren’t too dry…. The British guy explained why American comedy doesn’t do too well in Britain, mainly it is too blunt or too posh as in too fancy and wealthy, where as British comedies go after the middle class working family, or typical office situations which everyone can relate to. The Australian shows minus one (that one Kylie Minogue was on-she is now a pop singer) almost never do well in Britain because Brits are too classy for low brow beer humor, was the general opinion….
Anyway both of these guys were huge fans of American cartoons like Simpsons, south park and family guy, (all pushing the extreme) and would settle for things like cheers, friends and seinfeld which they found appealing (in that middle class sense)
As far as politics, it was funny, for 3 worldly guys semi well educated and such we preferred to get the old well how do you feel about bush question out of the way and then move away from politics. But I think when you look past that level, you got three guys complaining about paying too much to travel (knowing full well the fact they are able to puts us in like the top 5 % of the world’s wealthiest, and still we complain) We scoff and joke about the silliness of the Danish printing anti Muslim cartoons in their papers causing riots and the deaths of several protesters… meanwhile we tend to each proclaim the glory of the free press (me especially loving European papers and news because its less censored, but just as hyped)
And then we discuss foods and television, suggesting snacks and programs to download or buy the dvd of ignoring the fact that most of the world cant afford that food or even dream about that computer of tv or dvd player…..All night the english guy had been trying to use his debit card at the atms finding they had cut him off for the day (reached his daily limit) which he hadn’t and I started wondering about our dependency on global banking, electronic transactions, etc…
So the next time I was at an ATM I took out extra money, just in case the same thing happened to me.
Later in the hostel in Barcelona a group of 8 or so of us, Germans, Americans, Aussies, Canadians, and Argentineans spent about 20 minutes trying to figure out the name of a set crème dessert with vanilla beans and sometimes raspberry sauce…. That was funny with 8 minds looking through translation dictionaries hoping to stumble on the right word, hoping even more that if one of us did we could convince the others that that was indeed what we were looking for. Its not flan, its not tiramisu, its not pudding, its not…. Etc etc.. French German Spanish three types of English not one of us could figure out the word.
But a girl from Toronto made my day and said she drinks coca cola and Orange Juice together which is a drink im quite fond of, and that I have never been able to convince anyone is good. I think I fell in love.
Ignoring the Anthropology student/free lance writer I met last night who gave me a lecture on ethnography while I was typing a paper on Anth methods…
I had a conversation with a Turkish man tonight that I may go visit again..
We have become quite fond of Kebabs (apparently “Gyro” is trademarked or something)
So I was out for a late bite, and the guy asked me if I was Australian and I said “na, American” with a sigh like I tend to do… and he apologized saying that he cant tell English speakers apart by country. And I nodded figuring its probably like how I cant tell Germans from Austrians or Dutch even though they are apparently quite different, but assuming that he wasn’t from any of these countries I asked and he said he was from Turkey. Having been there I asked where and he said Istanbul (because everyone from Turkey says that) and I remarked how it was one of my favorite cities in the world, life, beauty, culture, history, millions of people, whats not to love? anyway I started wondering whether he was Turk or Kurd but he answered without me asking saying as a turk in Austria he felt like Istanbul was still the most beautiful place in the world. He said he had lived in Vienna for three years and that every night he still dreams of the city. What is it that is so great?
You are free in Istanbul he continued, true you have laws and rules and such but there is a natural chaos that comes from a city like that (his closest comparison was New York). He loved that in his city you could find anything, you had everything you needed, 4 religions on one block, not being a devoted Muslim by any means he noted the beauty of the mosque (while sipping beer). “In the mosque” he said “you have light from everywhere, unlike in the churches of Europe which as dark the domes allow for light and color, warmth, and carpets…”
He was a cook by trade but an artist by birth, by love, by nature and noted the colors of Istanbul or the mosques, etc. His colorful paintings decorate the room. (and being a bit of an artist myself) I asked him about them.
He started discussing the symbols and colors, the compliments etc, and then started talking about the Turkish (oriental) in Austria and how the Austrians don’t have color, or life, expression in their art, they don’t express from the heart, (according to Austrians who buy “oriental” art) and so the “oriental” art is extremely popular and it is easy to get a show, etc.
He also noted that his parents (who were still practicing Muslims, and didn’t let him sell pork in his store) were quite famous amongst other Turkish people in Vienna because they came very early and helped many of the people around here get legitimately in touch with the Austrian Gov’t for social services and visas and such. Pretty cool guy, makes a delicious sandwich.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
pop ups blocked, so no AIM.
tomorrow we leave for vienna, through the alps me thinks.
Geneva was good but too expensive, good for me and homework though, i think i spent like 12 bucks on internet, and all i ate was bread and pb
hmm the green mile is a good movie, despite the miracle thing, i sort of wish they didnt have the ending about him being so old etc. it takes from it, in some way... i dunno.
i wish i had more to say right now, but im kind of tired. i was gonna stay up and write another paper and listen to music, but maybe i will just go to bed, since we have to check out by like 10 tomorrow. i was gonna shower too...
missing all of yall
feeling a little overwhelmed today. sort of feeling like there is too much love, and also too much hate in the world, wishing it were simpler. but knowing its a lot more beautiful this way.
the future is unclear.
but i will love it and love you
tomorrow we leave for vienna, through the alps me thinks.
Geneva was good but too expensive, good for me and homework though, i think i spent like 12 bucks on internet, and all i ate was bread and pb
hmm the green mile is a good movie, despite the miracle thing, i sort of wish they didnt have the ending about him being so old etc. it takes from it, in some way... i dunno.
i wish i had more to say right now, but im kind of tired. i was gonna stay up and write another paper and listen to music, but maybe i will just go to bed, since we have to check out by like 10 tomorrow. i was gonna shower too...
missing all of yall
feeling a little overwhelmed today. sort of feeling like there is too much love, and also too much hate in the world, wishing it were simpler. but knowing its a lot more beautiful this way.
the future is unclear.
but i will love it and love you
Monday, February 20, 2006
you would think with all this time on my hands I would do some homework or something but instead, last night from like 11-2 I joked with some cats and drew paint pics on my computer, and listened to this sweet band from barcelona. I happened upon them, and in that incarnation they had an upright bass player who was amazing! and then a violinist or maybe violaist who could totally jam with the bassist, so it worked out to create genious. and then an accoustic guitarist and a singer with a pretty decent and strong voice, (singing without a mic) and the combination was beautiful and perfect. On the cd (10 fucking euros...) they add a horns section which works out in a lot of ways but doesnt have the same feel, so im trying to get in to that too, sort of jazz-classical-hip funk stuff i dont know what to call it but its real smooth and real cool.
um been fucking around with some cats in the hostel, and by fucking around i mean joking. funny cats. for some reason both the madrid and barcelona hostels we have stayed at have like restrictions on lights and common rooms past 11 so even if everyone is up and having a good time, they are like "ok time to turn out the lights" thanks mom...
um
me and krystin had a bit of a "fun" time...
you can read her side on her site. but i think we will\have gotten past it for now.
um barcelona, city of fun and dreams and beauty. beaches, and bell buildings, and parks and street performers. my kind of town really. it might be one of the only cities in europe i could actually see myself living for like a good amount of time... like 25 years or something. plus the weather is usually nice.
steve my lil brother e mailed me and said he might want to come out for spring break, which would be great but i dont know how we would deal with that. cuz it would probably be either when i was with alexis or with illy, and i really want to have some time to chill with them alone. so im hoping he thinks more strongly about early summer, but he may not be able to with his work schedule. (both my brothers have real jobs, and me? i drop school to go traveling for a few months)
todays quote of the day (krystin thinks this is stupid)
talking about some women who are gonna walk to the center of the city
"Yeah they are like me, (with a deeper gruff voice) bad ass."
anywho off to geneva tonight, tomorrow morning i will be freezing my ass off, with 2 sweatshirts and a rain jacket on. and you? where will you be?
there is a juggler with trash on his head outside the window.... barcelona is awesome... you should come.
(although its gotten more scandalous since last time, and i dont think its an improvement) more casinos, strip clubs, drugs, prostitution. I got offered every drug and sex from multiple guys and girls while krystin was in an internet cafe for 45 mins the other day.
still name me a better city? and it will be a debate....
2 weeks and then a new plan... will we have the dinero?
me thinks so..., krystin seems hella determined.
and i got things to write and draw and paste to my book that are just not ready yet. oh well
im babbling.
¨ I was once jailed for being problem free, for some reason they called it insanity¨
the juggler reminds me of abe from morris.
the beads were a good band.
you enjoy myself
wow hes good...
peace and love
taff
um been fucking around with some cats in the hostel, and by fucking around i mean joking. funny cats. for some reason both the madrid and barcelona hostels we have stayed at have like restrictions on lights and common rooms past 11 so even if everyone is up and having a good time, they are like "ok time to turn out the lights" thanks mom...
um
me and krystin had a bit of a "fun" time...
you can read her side on her site. but i think we will\have gotten past it for now.
um barcelona, city of fun and dreams and beauty. beaches, and bell buildings, and parks and street performers. my kind of town really. it might be one of the only cities in europe i could actually see myself living for like a good amount of time... like 25 years or something. plus the weather is usually nice.
steve my lil brother e mailed me and said he might want to come out for spring break, which would be great but i dont know how we would deal with that. cuz it would probably be either when i was with alexis or with illy, and i really want to have some time to chill with them alone. so im hoping he thinks more strongly about early summer, but he may not be able to with his work schedule. (both my brothers have real jobs, and me? i drop school to go traveling for a few months)
todays quote of the day (krystin thinks this is stupid)
talking about some women who are gonna walk to the center of the city
"Yeah they are like me, (with a deeper gruff voice) bad ass."
anywho off to geneva tonight, tomorrow morning i will be freezing my ass off, with 2 sweatshirts and a rain jacket on. and you? where will you be?
there is a juggler with trash on his head outside the window.... barcelona is awesome... you should come.
(although its gotten more scandalous since last time, and i dont think its an improvement) more casinos, strip clubs, drugs, prostitution. I got offered every drug and sex from multiple guys and girls while krystin was in an internet cafe for 45 mins the other day.
still name me a better city? and it will be a debate....
2 weeks and then a new plan... will we have the dinero?
me thinks so..., krystin seems hella determined.
and i got things to write and draw and paste to my book that are just not ready yet. oh well
im babbling.
¨ I was once jailed for being problem free, for some reason they called it insanity¨
the juggler reminds me of abe from morris.
the beads were a good band.
you enjoy myself
wow hes good...
peace and love
taff
Sunday, February 19, 2006
too many thoughts feeling concerns and loves to write about with such a short amount of time,
I have spent too much money, and touched and been touched by too many people. but im not regretting these things, even with mixed emotions and days that cant decide on the weather the world is beautiful because all of you are in it.
SMILE
and give me a hug the next time you see me. dont listen to my excuses and hold till i understand. peace and love
-taff
I have spent too much money, and touched and been touched by too many people. but im not regretting these things, even with mixed emotions and days that cant decide on the weather the world is beautiful because all of you are in it.
SMILE
and give me a hug the next time you see me. dont listen to my excuses and hold till i understand. peace and love
-taff
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
things im excited about and im sorry i didnt write more e mails tonight
1. a nice night out on the town, some nice pics, had fun
2. reina sofia was sweet, saw some great art
3. got the t shirt i wanted for becky
4. got a sketch pad i wanted, and some cheap supplies to make a cool little book
5. had like a 2 hour conversation with this welsh guy,about britain, europe the world, globalization and politics and shit
6. um life is good?
1. a nice night out on the town, some nice pics, had fun
2. reina sofia was sweet, saw some great art
3. got the t shirt i wanted for becky
4. got a sketch pad i wanted, and some cheap supplies to make a cool little book
5. had like a 2 hour conversation with this welsh guy,about britain, europe the world, globalization and politics and shit
6. um life is good?
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Im so behind in messages and e mails and posting!!!
arggghhhh.
will i ever catch up?
I started today on a bus, but after that things picked up and we hit up Madrid with that sort of excitement you get from a new city (this time minus the anxiety i use to associate with it)
Madrid has not changed that much, and im ok with that. We hit up the Prado to experience the beautiful paintings and such, and I remember a few of my favs, as well as James. The piece I think I like in theory the most, is a three piece: the first a picture of the garden of eden, but with structures that seem bizzare at best, and this was painted a few hundred years ago. It reminds me that the past did indeed have our intelligence and imagination and demons, as the second panel is the life of humans, partying wild and embarassed, and the third oour life in hell to come. And I wonder why it doesnt scare me...
Other paintings are haunting and depressing.
I wasnt so empressed with the famed Goya collection.
as the day moved on my sights and goals remained high, but a 10 minute nap turned into a 40 minute nap and I woke with a less lively expression which I think i managed to hide, unknowing why the sudden change.
we spent the night hopping around down town, and then returned for homework and internet and showering and what i thought would be an early night.
sleep is such a funny thing, i always want to delay it, and then when it comes to keep it for ever.
sometimes the dreams are good, sometimes we go back to sleep to hope they get better.
more upbeat post tomorrow i promise
arggghhhh.
will i ever catch up?
I started today on a bus, but after that things picked up and we hit up Madrid with that sort of excitement you get from a new city (this time minus the anxiety i use to associate with it)
Madrid has not changed that much, and im ok with that. We hit up the Prado to experience the beautiful paintings and such, and I remember a few of my favs, as well as James. The piece I think I like in theory the most, is a three piece: the first a picture of the garden of eden, but with structures that seem bizzare at best, and this was painted a few hundred years ago. It reminds me that the past did indeed have our intelligence and imagination and demons, as the second panel is the life of humans, partying wild and embarassed, and the third oour life in hell to come. And I wonder why it doesnt scare me...
Other paintings are haunting and depressing.
I wasnt so empressed with the famed Goya collection.
as the day moved on my sights and goals remained high, but a 10 minute nap turned into a 40 minute nap and I woke with a less lively expression which I think i managed to hide, unknowing why the sudden change.
we spent the night hopping around down town, and then returned for homework and internet and showering and what i thought would be an early night.
sleep is such a funny thing, i always want to delay it, and then when it comes to keep it for ever.
sometimes the dreams are good, sometimes we go back to sleep to hope they get better.
more upbeat post tomorrow i promise
Hey yall, happy v day! i thought i would be on a bus all day, but not only did i miss calculate I also got 7 hours on all yall fools so it makes it a bit easier. and makes me a no good boy friend as I didnt even have anything to send a girl.
Um Montpellier was a lot of fun, im not gonna lie, i had a wonderful time, but im also glad to be back on the road for a few reasons, like the fact we had nothing left to do in montpèllier, and other reasons.
Madrid is pretty much how i remember it, which is nice, no crazy suprises and leaps in prices, the sun is out the Prado was smooth, the statue-fountains may not have water but its cool... we found out shortly ago that our hostel in barcelona was misbooked or something so thats fun, we may or may not have a place... um then geneva and vienna.
We also might hit up segovia while we are here, possibly thursday. but the place seems pretty chill and since i have already seen everything but one art museum i got no complaints and no restrictions. Krystin might have a friend here who will take us out one of these nights but we shall see.
hmmm i dont really have much to say, hoping my backpack doesnt get stolen out of my room, cuz there goes my homework if it does...
well on the other hand?? maybe
the city is sending me nastalgia from when james met me here. it was an interesting fun time, our personalities clashed a bit but things worked out in the end and he got me to climb a few hills that im glad i climbed. not in the food department which krystin is busting my chops on...
we had kababs like all the time in montpellier, and it was delicious each time.
um nada more to say. I dont speak spanish.
peace and love
-taff
Um Montpellier was a lot of fun, im not gonna lie, i had a wonderful time, but im also glad to be back on the road for a few reasons, like the fact we had nothing left to do in montpèllier, and other reasons.
Madrid is pretty much how i remember it, which is nice, no crazy suprises and leaps in prices, the sun is out the Prado was smooth, the statue-fountains may not have water but its cool... we found out shortly ago that our hostel in barcelona was misbooked or something so thats fun, we may or may not have a place... um then geneva and vienna.
We also might hit up segovia while we are here, possibly thursday. but the place seems pretty chill and since i have already seen everything but one art museum i got no complaints and no restrictions. Krystin might have a friend here who will take us out one of these nights but we shall see.
hmmm i dont really have much to say, hoping my backpack doesnt get stolen out of my room, cuz there goes my homework if it does...
well on the other hand?? maybe
the city is sending me nastalgia from when james met me here. it was an interesting fun time, our personalities clashed a bit but things worked out in the end and he got me to climb a few hills that im glad i climbed. not in the food department which krystin is busting my chops on...
we had kababs like all the time in montpellier, and it was delicious each time.
um nada more to say. I dont speak spanish.
peace and love
-taff
Saturday, February 11, 2006
I was gonna do a post the other day on some of the differences between this trip and my last, but Im not sure it would say much cuz this trip is just beginning.
We are in Montpellier, today we went to Nimes which is like half an hour by train, and spent the morning shopping and abit of the afternoon looking at historical places and looking for crepes.
Nimes is where denim comes from (fun fact!) originally...
we been mostly chilling here but for some reason everyone is tired, (me included) I fell asleepat the train station while we were waiting.
Last night I went to a party with some of rachels friends, which was fun times, but sort of strange for me. I keep finding myself in places where I dont know what to say or what to talk about. The party was mostly french majors from the US. or english majors from france, and that common bond plus the fact they all live here gave a pretty final say in me being an outsider (not interesting to the locals) hmmm the cities are beautiful, and palm trees add that extra touch in case the weather convinces you its not nice enough.
Enjoying myself....
mustdo homework tonight
peace and love
We are in Montpellier, today we went to Nimes which is like half an hour by train, and spent the morning shopping and abit of the afternoon looking at historical places and looking for crepes.
Nimes is where denim comes from (fun fact!) originally...
we been mostly chilling here but for some reason everyone is tired, (me included) I fell asleepat the train station while we were waiting.
Last night I went to a party with some of rachels friends, which was fun times, but sort of strange for me. I keep finding myself in places where I dont know what to say or what to talk about. The party was mostly french majors from the US. or english majors from france, and that common bond plus the fact they all live here gave a pretty final say in me being an outsider (not interesting to the locals) hmmm the cities are beautiful, and palm trees add that extra touch in case the weather convinces you its not nice enough.
Enjoying myself....
mustdo homework tonight
peace and love
Sunday, February 05, 2006
I feel so amazingly blessed right now.
I think there are very few things that could make me feel as good.
If I die anytime soon, life was awesome!
and im so sorry it didnt continue so that I could share how beautiful it is with all of you.
but I dont want to die right now. I really want to live, cuz things seem like they are gonna work out. Or like its ok to feel good, like I dont have to worry as much.
Today is also a good day cuz im gonna go adventure with a friend of mine,
the only reason that sucks is cuz I wont be able to share it with all of you, but its gonna be really good I think, and I think the future will bring us all back for some good times.
good good good good good
I keep praying to God every night when Im worried, I never really doubted, but I didnt think he would make it seem so easy. (sorry for using the he, and expressing god in terms as if he his human, but you know we have our habits)
Im still sorry I cant do more yall, im not gonna lie. but Im happy today. and sleep deprived and im gonna go sleep at an airport.
I think there are very few things that could make me feel as good.
If I die anytime soon, life was awesome!
and im so sorry it didnt continue so that I could share how beautiful it is with all of you.
but I dont want to die right now. I really want to live, cuz things seem like they are gonna work out. Or like its ok to feel good, like I dont have to worry as much.
Today is also a good day cuz im gonna go adventure with a friend of mine,
the only reason that sucks is cuz I wont be able to share it with all of you, but its gonna be really good I think, and I think the future will bring us all back for some good times.
good good good good good
I keep praying to God every night when Im worried, I never really doubted, but I didnt think he would make it seem so easy. (sorry for using the he, and expressing god in terms as if he his human, but you know we have our habits)
Im still sorry I cant do more yall, im not gonna lie. but Im happy today. and sleep deprived and im gonna go sleep at an airport.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Im gonna try harder to be me again. Some people may not be happy with that, hopefully most will. Im sick of feeling guilty, im sick of feeling like a a failure. I should and will be happy right now. I can and will.
I wrote Henry my counselor from last semester. I wrote how I need to learn boundaries, but how I dont want to. I dont want to give up on people, I dont want to give up on myself and admit I have limits (in certain areas)
Today I climbed a mountain (big hill) tomorrow I will climb another, Im rededicating myself to things that are important for the people who are important to me. I know I have said this shit a lot lately, but right now I got to again, cuz im determined. I need yall to know you are important to me, and I need something from yall, I need ya to not just accept, but push, I can be better than this. I can be better to you (and please ask) I can be better to myself (so please demand) I can be better for the future and the past. I can be more committed, more serious or more funny. I can admit I care more, I can admit Im vulnerable to yall. What I need though is three things, (i know it used to be two)
1) take care of yourself or at least try, strive to be a better person. Its important, even though I will forever love you for caring about or loving or seeing others as better, you wont be able to help or share that with them unless you are ok. So be ok, in fact be the beautiful person you are and share it with them!
2) thats two obviously, take care of others, always want to help, always love, always strive to be a better person. If you notice you arent being good to someone, make yourself better, for you and them. Encourage support love
3)and this applies to me mostly but it can apply to others as well. I need yall to hold me to standards, I need ya to stand up for yourselves against me, I need ya to want me to be better, and to encourage me in that, be understanding, but not for too long. Im a resilient bastard all get over it, push a brother with love.
today I climbed a big fucking hill, tomorrow i'll climb another.
_________________________________________________________________
I would like to apologize to everyone, but let me throw some of these out there.
My parents, my brothers and sisters, Alexis, Illy, Gabs, Hollie, aimee, pete, zach, mike the rock, bronchi and molly, krystin and melissa, serrah, corina and alexis' friends and maybe her brother, 3 and 4B eagan and laurel, mike the rock and alicia, t roy, tom, jason, foulkes, sarah f, luke h, ashley e, nikki b, nona and tim, so many. All of yall have been particularly helpful and beautiful and amazing and im sorry I cannae repay ya the time the love and support, Know I will try (even though most of yall cats will never see this, and some of yall have given up on me completly. Some of the cats on this list, is cats I have failed, Im gonna keep that in mind and keep trying.
I aint giving up this aint like a suicide note or anything but its really hard to sit here wondering how cats dont know I care. So I wanna make sure people from now on do.
peace and love -taff
I wrote Henry my counselor from last semester. I wrote how I need to learn boundaries, but how I dont want to. I dont want to give up on people, I dont want to give up on myself and admit I have limits (in certain areas)
Today I climbed a mountain (big hill) tomorrow I will climb another, Im rededicating myself to things that are important for the people who are important to me. I know I have said this shit a lot lately, but right now I got to again, cuz im determined. I need yall to know you are important to me, and I need something from yall, I need ya to not just accept, but push, I can be better than this. I can be better to you (and please ask) I can be better to myself (so please demand) I can be better for the future and the past. I can be more committed, more serious or more funny. I can admit I care more, I can admit Im vulnerable to yall. What I need though is three things, (i know it used to be two)
1) take care of yourself or at least try, strive to be a better person. Its important, even though I will forever love you for caring about or loving or seeing others as better, you wont be able to help or share that with them unless you are ok. So be ok, in fact be the beautiful person you are and share it with them!
2) thats two obviously, take care of others, always want to help, always love, always strive to be a better person. If you notice you arent being good to someone, make yourself better, for you and them. Encourage support love
3)and this applies to me mostly but it can apply to others as well. I need yall to hold me to standards, I need ya to stand up for yourselves against me, I need ya to want me to be better, and to encourage me in that, be understanding, but not for too long. Im a resilient bastard all get over it, push a brother with love.
today I climbed a big fucking hill, tomorrow i'll climb another.
_________________________________________________________________
I would like to apologize to everyone, but let me throw some of these out there.
My parents, my brothers and sisters, Alexis, Illy, Gabs, Hollie, aimee, pete, zach, mike the rock, bronchi and molly, krystin and melissa, serrah, corina and alexis' friends and maybe her brother, 3 and 4B eagan and laurel, mike the rock and alicia, t roy, tom, jason, foulkes, sarah f, luke h, ashley e, nikki b, nona and tim, so many. All of yall have been particularly helpful and beautiful and amazing and im sorry I cannae repay ya the time the love and support, Know I will try (even though most of yall cats will never see this, and some of yall have given up on me completly. Some of the cats on this list, is cats I have failed, Im gonna keep that in mind and keep trying.
I aint giving up this aint like a suicide note or anything but its really hard to sit here wondering how cats dont know I care. So I wanna make sure people from now on do.
peace and love -taff
Thursday, February 02, 2006
This year, Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address fall on the same day. As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition: One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication, and the other involves a groundhog."
Forwarded by my mom
Forwarded by my mom
Its pretty crazy when you realize a drug that use to have no noticable affect on ya (ie you were addicted) minus maybe taking some headaches away... and now it does again!!!
Its funny cuz we are talking about caffeine here, its so slight and sneaky, its not a rush, like it was when you were 5 its, crafty. Its im gonna give ya just enough up so that you cant sleep and cant think straight, but no noticable change in energy. Even when im exhausted (like i was on my second attempt at 6:00 AM) I spent the first few hours tossing and turning, no long lucid dreams but rather glimpses as if my brain were still going a mile a minute. As if an image of someone was enough of a story to intrigue and than it moves on, rapidly strolling through a few hundred faces I wake up mentally exhauasted. The flood of reviewing a yearbook in what feels like a second.
I slept in till 3:40 again. This will not happen again.
Tomorrow I wake at 12. tonight I either go to sleep early or feel like shit in the morning and go climb a mountain. This is the plan I think.
With each passing day Im sure I was either really wrong or really right, and I dont care either way cuz I hate the waiting.
Its funny cuz we are talking about caffeine here, its so slight and sneaky, its not a rush, like it was when you were 5 its, crafty. Its im gonna give ya just enough up so that you cant sleep and cant think straight, but no noticable change in energy. Even when im exhausted (like i was on my second attempt at 6:00 AM) I spent the first few hours tossing and turning, no long lucid dreams but rather glimpses as if my brain were still going a mile a minute. As if an image of someone was enough of a story to intrigue and than it moves on, rapidly strolling through a few hundred faces I wake up mentally exhauasted. The flood of reviewing a yearbook in what feels like a second.
I slept in till 3:40 again. This will not happen again.
Tomorrow I wake at 12. tonight I either go to sleep early or feel like shit in the morning and go climb a mountain. This is the plan I think.
With each passing day Im sure I was either really wrong or really right, and I dont care either way cuz I hate the waiting.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Im sure I can update ya with this shit in a few days, but lets just say for now, that I am getting excellent with this dynamite, it tends to go off the moment things seem cool, BAM! just to say "Fuck ya! ya content bastard"
And thats how I role playa...
In other news I got some nice compliments from my step sister today. she is doing good, maybe a bit ahead of the game 16 in hopkins.
fucking india photos + im a little over 3/5s of the book for anth and i got an extension in case.
still im magically delicious and by that i do mean stupid.
And thats how I role playa...
In other news I got some nice compliments from my step sister today. she is doing good, maybe a bit ahead of the game 16 in hopkins.
fucking india photos + im a little over 3/5s of the book for anth and i got an extension in case.
still im magically delicious and by that i do mean stupid.
remind me to copy and paste this before I hit publish or what not. Not because this will be particularly brilliant or anything but... Im sick of losing shit to computer glitches.
Swapping quotes jokes and stories with elliott at dinner.
Is the place getting quieter, is it due to me being reclusive? am I too intrigued with anth methods? and pictures and the occasional IM conversation, or is my volume too loud too close to my ears and the music too good to comprehend the outside voices. Or is it just late and I havent noticed. It is 11:09 PM and I have been up to my normal hours of some time in the morning which is not good for me by any means. Still I would quite say Im living on morris time (as my world apparently centers there) because I havent tuned in to the Itunes KUMM yet. I blame melissa for starting the trend, i hope only to correct it and get on backpacker time at some point (which is waking up too early, and going to bed too late, and cramming every mind boggling intellectual or culturally stimulating event u can find in between) Right right, thus the exhaustion the depression the stress.
I was falling into chaos for a bit, I think, it was sometime last night while following guitar riffs and thinking about the future, trying to encompass too much in a small enough space that has no sides walls or borders, hard to comprehend life I guess. Even now the keys are typing at a rate far slower than I am thinking and it boggles me to realize that computers (the mother fucking monkey of all inventions) still dont compare.
I havent been writing as much as I want too, partially because Im not sure I have anything to say, partially cuz i write e mails and stories instead, partially because i feel that spare time should be devoted to reading.
But the music (oh god the beautiful music) is flowing again, and its quite powerful.
hip hop gives me words and rhythm, emotions wrapped in poetics and soft undercurrents meant to hit you later. The rock provides the chaos, the oomph in the beat, the wail and pathways of guitar riffs leading to infinite opportunities, the screaming so raw, the singing so lead heavy of confrontatioon of socialization of fitting in, in a cross cultural world, the accoustics the mellow the soothing the heavyness of heartfelt emotion placed delicately on a piece, like glass statues on the edge of a wobbily old wood table, the history and naturalness of those tones that table the folk like grandparents to be appreciated like wisdom, like touching your roots like touching something bigger than yourself a small taste of which can be placed in your hand to try and understand, the religion, the pop, the casual way it all rips at you without your feeling it, molds and melts into your ribcage, taking the place of your organs so that when you breathe you breathe something more than air, you breathe expression of life, you gasp at the pains, the pleasures the hints of your delicate-ness the wrapped so tight explosion of free prosperity of jade of jasmin, or something sacred of loss and love of paint splatters across universes, of star bursts and acid trails of burning of soothing, of messy multiplication of orgasm.
The music.
Swapping quotes jokes and stories with elliott at dinner.
Is the place getting quieter, is it due to me being reclusive? am I too intrigued with anth methods? and pictures and the occasional IM conversation, or is my volume too loud too close to my ears and the music too good to comprehend the outside voices. Or is it just late and I havent noticed. It is 11:09 PM and I have been up to my normal hours of some time in the morning which is not good for me by any means. Still I would quite say Im living on morris time (as my world apparently centers there) because I havent tuned in to the Itunes KUMM yet. I blame melissa for starting the trend, i hope only to correct it and get on backpacker time at some point (which is waking up too early, and going to bed too late, and cramming every mind boggling intellectual or culturally stimulating event u can find in between) Right right, thus the exhaustion the depression the stress.
I was falling into chaos for a bit, I think, it was sometime last night while following guitar riffs and thinking about the future, trying to encompass too much in a small enough space that has no sides walls or borders, hard to comprehend life I guess. Even now the keys are typing at a rate far slower than I am thinking and it boggles me to realize that computers (the mother fucking monkey of all inventions) still dont compare.
I havent been writing as much as I want too, partially because Im not sure I have anything to say, partially cuz i write e mails and stories instead, partially because i feel that spare time should be devoted to reading.
But the music (oh god the beautiful music) is flowing again, and its quite powerful.
hip hop gives me words and rhythm, emotions wrapped in poetics and soft undercurrents meant to hit you later. The rock provides the chaos, the oomph in the beat, the wail and pathways of guitar riffs leading to infinite opportunities, the screaming so raw, the singing so lead heavy of confrontatioon of socialization of fitting in, in a cross cultural world, the accoustics the mellow the soothing the heavyness of heartfelt emotion placed delicately on a piece, like glass statues on the edge of a wobbily old wood table, the history and naturalness of those tones that table the folk like grandparents to be appreciated like wisdom, like touching your roots like touching something bigger than yourself a small taste of which can be placed in your hand to try and understand, the religion, the pop, the casual way it all rips at you without your feeling it, molds and melts into your ribcage, taking the place of your organs so that when you breathe you breathe something more than air, you breathe expression of life, you gasp at the pains, the pleasures the hints of your delicate-ness the wrapped so tight explosion of free prosperity of jade of jasmin, or something sacred of loss and love of paint splatters across universes, of star bursts and acid trails of burning of soothing, of messy multiplication of orgasm.
The music.
