Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

I use to have hobbies
bred out of solitude, long studies of form, lyric, tunes and day dreams. I find myself inactive and dislike it and look back and find myself inactive and dislike that. I returned from history a class i slept in, the day is hot and i had a coat more out of habbit than need, and i had a bag more out of laziness and irresponsibility than need and i had a long walk through campus, and by long i mean a 15th of what i would have walked in a day in europe. I am tired and i havent slept enough and yet i sleep and do nothing all day so what wastes this energy away? I use to have hobbies i rarely practice now, i use to have friends, i think about them often and try to think up reasons to call or write and cant think of any worthy of action. i miss their voices, i miss their stories and thoughts and its hard to pick up the phone and say " tell me about you" especially when u have to schedule it between scheduled events and those that happen at random all the time around here. It will be the same thing next year. how do i know? 13 of 22 of us are staying. 13 thousand more conversations i havent become bored with yet. I like that and it gives me some nice happy hope for the future though i wonder what would happen if becky and I broke up. the thought hasnt occurred to me for this year. Im quite happy. but the what ifs? in the long run and the long run is what i become tired with these days. I feel like things are going well and lack the ambition to make them better. lack the trust in myself or the world to dial a number, lack the imagination to see, wish on things that wont be. With sprind will change come? its warm out. Becky is riding her horse to a park to have a picnic, others are playing frisbee, lounging around in the sun, dancing, hackin, talkin joking and laughing. Im sitting imagining the way my life looks from the outside apparently not to happy with the way it feels on the inside.