I also took off some old links that may never be updated, some of these people i know wont so eh.. but i feel sorry if others still want the link or if anyone else does so just e mail me or drop a comment where it says posuers or whatever (i have no idea why it says that)

Some cats on my floor have xanga sites, actually i do too but its not worth seeing, so uh
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Queen_of_Bretts_Heart for Roz


http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=purechocolatekisses for Maxine

The Phantom (tall d)

Maxine

classic josh (my"roommate" yeah right)

ah nerds near finals time

Becky and her horse cake

Aimee (and Illy) get booze and are so happy

and so begins the booze process

Aimee decides that she can have fun without drinking, booze is for losers!

Aimee gets sad and bored

aimee goes back to the booze (this is meant to be a joke, though the girl does worry me a bit.)

my current background on my comp... "shes so cute"

"check out our fly winter gear!!" ~song and eliot

a more respectable shot of some friends, i repeat friends only...

Hey illy is this acceptable?

i tried to put up more pics last time and it all stopped working and i go frustrated.

this is from tim, though adrianne had it on her site a while back, this is incredibly late but i thought that it was important to see how soo many people care about the world.

http://www.sorryeverybody.com/

sorry guys, but mike the rock says "unfortunately the best is yet to come" and hes right...... or not but more pictures to come

Krysten (on my floor) exactly a week after being hospitialized on the verge of death!

"hi! um yes police? is it a crime to be sexy? NO? ok thanks, um wait, is it still a crime to rob banks if you're sexy? damnit!! okay thanks"

stevie boy on thanksgiving putting on one of his 15 ties (he thinks he has to wear them because he coaches 4th grade basketball)

we stayed up till 9am mcdonalds breakfast and all, and mike finally fell asleep (actually he was awake while we were drawing, but so tired he could only give us a one fingered salute)

suave andy

nervousness....


everyting gon be aight... right?

hey i just put a new link to that guy brendan's new political debat weblog, he strikes me as intelligent, it hasnt really gotten good yet, i really am just waiting to hear from the republican guy because brendan claims he is intelligent and has some good stuff to say and so im hoping its not all crap like what im used to hearing from the righthttp://www.breakfastanytime.net/fairfight/

me with the mad hair

my girl illy

oh geez his could be bad....

Ryan came home unfortunately because of sad news (death in the family) but he seems to be doing alright, and is excited to study abroad.

steve with hair!!!! (its been a few years)

Gabs sippin espresso (this picture was just too beautiful and advertisement like to not put up.

the banner reads "domestic homocide creates empty places at the table."

This is Grant (my step father) on the big screen when he addressed 4,000 people; including leaders of our community and peoples of many different religions, who had all come together to work on the issues of education, public transportation, domestic abuse and immigration rights. These issues were discussed because ignoring them has hurt our community. Through discussion and political action the (mostly religious) community that filled roy wilkins auditorium last sunday hopes to see progressive changes bringing people together.

from tim i told him i would find some interesting things to put up from this site, and i might later but i been sick all week and im feeling pretty shitty, not to mention i think im gonna do terrible in macro econ and its required for my major, (first test on fri)

so yeah this is the progressive site its got some pretty cool little bits about bush's record, im thinking the college dems should print em out and put em in bathrooms



i been listening to syd barrett on becky's comp, reminds me of the later years of the beatles

i ran out of things to talk about long ago, i been up since like 4 and im real tired but cant go to sleep...


the more i think about the picture below the more i regret putting it up, but as of now we kind of have this thing going that we will put up any picture of a passed out person on here so i guess what im saying is expect more of this crap...

hmmm i wish i wrote more often, and had something to say but uh feel free to start a convo in the comments section even though it says posuer or something, i dont know why it says that but anywho have fun


******WHO WOULD YOU PUT ON A NO FLY LIST?*******
"probably religious extremists.. like jesus."

mike the rock coming soon....

this is mike the rock, we told him if he fell asleep while we watched the movie again we would be forced to draw on his face and put it on the internet. promise kept

look what becky did to my hair

becky and reina (her horse)

me and becky's cat

some stuff on life and the abuse of....

to start some lyrics from genesis, not that i think this song is representative of what im trying to say, but rather just anther example of how mixed up in this we all are....

"Well the key to my survival,
was never in much doubt,
the question was how I could keep sane,
trying to find a way out,
Things were never easy for me
peace of mind was hard to find
and I needed a place where I could hide
somewhere I could call mine
I didn't think much about it
til it started happening all the time
soon I was living with the fear everyday
of what might happen that night
I couldn't stand to hear the crying, of my mother
and I remember when
I swore that, that would be the Last they'd see of me
And I never went home again
they say that time is a healer
and now my wounds are not the same
I rang the bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he'd say
He sat me down to talk to me
he looked me straight in the eyes
he said:You're no son, you're no son of mine
You're no son, you're no son of mine
You walked out, you left us behind
and you're no son, no son of mine
oh, his words how they hurt me,
I'll never forget it and as the time, it went by, I lived to regret it
You're no son, you're no son of mine
but where should I go,
and what should I do
you're no son, you're no son of mine
but I came here for help, oh I came here for you
Well the years they passed so slowly
I thought about him everyday
what would I do, if we passed on the street
would I keep running away
in and out of hiding places
soon I'd have to face the facts
we'd have to sit down and talk it over
and that would mean going back
they say that time is a healer
and now my wounds are not the same
I rang that bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he'd say
He sat me down to talk to me
he looked me straight in the eyes
he said:You're no son, you're no son of mine
You're no son, you're no son of mine
When you walked out, you left us behind
and you're no son, you're no son of mine
oh, his words how they hurt me, I'll never forget it
and as the time, it went by, I lived to regret it
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But where should I go
and what should I do
You're no son, you're no son of mine
But I came here for help, oh I was looking for
no son, you're no son of mine - ohYou're no son - ha yeah, ha yeah, ha yeah, ha yeahYou're no son, you're no son of mine - oh, oh..."

anyway that song was always hard and yet really nice to listen to...

so the other day i went to tis event on campus called "take back the night"
during this event statistics poetry and stories of abuse are read to the audience and with the understanding that this will eb a respectful and supportive event people tearfully tell of their own accounts, of personal or relative experiences with verbal, physical and sexual abuse. the event the damage the learning and whenever possible the hope for the future. soo many people.... during the event i thought over my own history dealing with forms of abuse, but even more i thought of all my friends who have suffered because of the selfishness of others. the more i thought about it the more despair i felt as i realized how many i had known who had gone through, or are still going through the trauma associated with this enormous problem.

i shared some of this with the crowd...
many more shared with me for the first time that they had suffered as well, and i went home feeling like i could never do enough to help, like i could never break the cycle.

at the end of the event there is supposed to be a march of those who are willing to stand up, and i felt strongly that i was one, and yet the weather (cold and rainy) and the fact that i could no longer see any of my friends around (went home, some too overwhelmed to stay) all that and the fact that i felt like i needed to be alone with my own thoughts and no pressure.... and i scuttled back to the dorm somewhat wishing to be consoled, to vent to scream.
i found a large group of cats in the lounge and felt somewhat angry towards them as they babbled on about complete shite ignorant and shallow and unwilling to empathise with the world i had just experienced.

we wound up talking about the word "bitch" and i hate it, and though i knew their argument had as much to with my saying that women shouldnt have to be afraid of walking down the street i couldnt give it, having thought so much about the example my brother gave me a few years ago this is paraphrased but im gonna use quotes
he said: " one in three women are raped mike "(more likely four to five and still to high)
"pick one of your three best friends and understand why you cant use words like "bitch" anymore." and as i argued that i never used it in a bad way he said " okay you dont mean it, but maybe somebody in the room overhears you and they do mean it that way or they think you mean it that way and so they go on thinking its okay to use it, or okay to abuse women, or ok to teach their children or friends or whatever that its okay to abuse women." this argument stuck with me, and now i fight for it, and its weird cuz those who i would expect to understand hold out the strongest to their pride, their shame, their guilt and hatred, they hold on to their hurt and in not confronting it often support its continuance.

days later i heard of another case, a similar story, shes come to terms with it, but cant say that he was to blame and most definitely wont press charges, and as her name is tainted on campus and as she learns to "joke" about it as if it was funny, to shrug and pretend as if she can move on, i go to try to fix anything i can and find road blocks. "hopefully it was an isolated incident" the school councilor says both of us fulling knowing it isnt.

my friends still make jokes and use the words bitch ho and slut while im not around, my female friends do too. my friends still try to get girls drunk and sometimes they try to take advantage of the situation, my girl friends still find themselves getting/needing negative attention as if they couldnt live without it and chances are they wont be able to find a place where they could....
nobody i know ever reports it, few victims i know have the strength to say they need help, and every person (male and female) goes on thinking they are all alone in a world that could relate too well....

hmm 8 days in morris, reconnection, slight adustments, new classes new peoples, new and unusual smells, becky eating pb and j samiches. etc.

uh what do i actually have to say? "bushs speech?" -becky, um not really, it was stupid and such but not really worth writing about. "new classes?" na, "no pressure, how bout your cool hair?" ah yes i have cool hair now, braided with colorful extension things, etc. i am awesome. becky did it. she gets all the compliments. oh i got geoff fischbeins demo cd, his sister lives above me practically. uh so thats cool.
i left phone messages for all my girls like 4days ago and none of them have written me back, or called i mean, which makes me feel well u know. oh i got all my shit on itunes which is cool, but i dunno if im sharing, i havent quite figured out the system, and by system i mean my economics class, which i may have to work hard in. the other classes should be a breeze, becky i did not say "screw you" i said na. :::mike dramatically breaks into song (lip synching):::::: then switches it to the spanish version for becky.
turns up the volume, doesnt know spanish...

hmm more later hopefully, i have successfully played comp games and started guitar as well as got all my homework done for the week, im on the ball "damn" says becky, im awesome says mike, (hint of sarcasm) but mostly awesome.

this was my moms response on how to deal with my step mothers reaction from the previous few posts, please read those as well but this is very chruchy as my mother is a pastor and this is a sermon, but she is also a social worker and has many of those ideals so prepare yourselves....


Sermon
July 24/25, 2004
Pastor Karen



A few weeks ago I had dinner out with my oldest son, James. He’s 22 and he’s become a man who is full of hope. He wants to be a part of changing the world and making it a world that is fair and just for all people.

I can look back on his life and see the influence of two social worker parents, it’s all he’s ever heard, “we need to help other people.”

If nothing else, my kids have this one value absorbed in their bones.

As we sat there talking about our lives and sharing I told him some of my frustration with what’s happening in Minnesota and in our community.

Frustration with how money is used and frustration with issues like education and healthcare.

After listening to me for awhile he said, “Mom, you’re a pastor, people listen to you and respect you, why don’t you take leadership to organize the church to work on these issues???

After I listed my top ten excuses I felt convicted.

Convicted by my son who knows what I value and sees where I have failed to stand up to work towards making these changes.

Have some of you had this conversation? Or one very similar?

Maybe some twinges of guilt over the years for not following through on trying to make our community a better place?

When we read the paper or watch the news do you hear yourself saying many times….”this is wrong”.

We shouldn’t let it continue.
I wish someone would change this.

There’s a whole list of issues we can agree on…it doesn’t matter what political party you consider yourself.

As Christians we hold values that Jesus taught us that at the bottom line have to do with love for our neighbors.

And as my son pointed out to me, the church, the whole church ecumenically, has failed to collectively organize our power to make changes in our community to care for each other as neighbors.

In the culture of the church, we often shy away from the whole issue of power.

Some of us even consider “power” a negative word.

God doesn’t consider power to be a negative word.

Do you remember the story of when the early church received the power to go out to all nations?

At Pentecost the Holy Spirit gave us power.

Do you remember what book in the Bible this story is recorded in?
ACTS

It’s not called the musings of the apostles,
or the dabblings,
or the social concerns of the Apostles,
it’s called the ACTS OF THE APOSTLES.

[please follow the bulletin cover with me]
We live in a time in history in which the American dominant worldview is one of:
1. Isolation: I am on my own. It’s very sad for me to hear that our elderly people in this congregation when they have to go to have a medical procedure done, two women I recently spoke to, serious things like having her heart shocked or receiving a skin graft and they had to take a cab or arrange for the bus from the building they live in to drop them off and pick them up.

That’s not the way I want our elderly people to live. Do you agree with me?

I want someone to take them by car and hold her hand through the pain and be with her when she’s afraid and take her home and make sure she feels okay before she’s left alone.

Another example is kids who are home alone. Latch key kids who want to go outside and play in the street after school.

But now we live in a world in which moms have to tell their kids, “Stay inside until I’m home.”

It’s the only way parents can protect their children when they’re at work and unable to be home to watch the kids.

Because the neighborhood no longer cares for all our kids.

Scarcity: I am in competition for scarce resources.

How often do you find yourself trying to think through how much money you should give and one important thought is, ‘I don’t want to give too much or we won’t have enough?’

Or you feel jealous of someone who appears to have a lot more money or toys or cars – a bigger house, and you feel badly that you wish you had more.


2. Fear: I have to protect me and mine and fight for what is mine.

Every man is out for himself, you better stand up for yourself or you’ll be taken advantage of.
Don’t be a fool, no one is going to help you, you have to help yourself.

The disciples, James and John, might just as well be sitting in a church pew in the year 2004.

They express to Jesus the values of the dominant culture.

Are they really so far off? I don’t think so.

Power – can be a ticket to making sure you’re on top in a world that lives with isolation, scarcity and fear as dominant values.

But Jesus works with James and John with some powerful imagery of his own, the cup and baptism.

These two symbols turn the dominant worldview upside down.

There’s a paradigm shift for those who follow Jesus.

Jesus calls his disciples, each one of us, to a different set of values and to ACT on these in our community.

Let’s look at a few of our faith values that contradict the dominant world view.

FAITH VALUES

1. Community: All are made in God’s image and our lives are intertwined. Like the example in Acts, each gave according to their ability to those in need.

2. Abundance: God provides enough for all and we are stewards. Even in places we consider poor, places like the Phillips neighborhood or near north Minneapolis where we serve Loaves and Fishes, the homes I visited as a social worker when I worked for LSS, the people I’ve met share what they have with me.

They know at some deep level that God has given that they might give and so they share from what they have.

3. Hope: In partnership with God, we have the power to transform our communities by actively living out our faith.

This takes me back to my conversation with my son James.

Hope. I need to live my life with a belief in our power to organize to change the systems in our community that stand outside our values to love our neighbors.

Not be building more food shelves, although God knows we need them.

Not be educating people about how they may be eligible to receive a government subsidy,

Not by teaching our Sunday school children to collect for the homeless……..all of these are good things, but you know what?

They just become bandaids until we decide we are going to ACT to change the systems that enable people to continue to live in poverty.

Poverty isn’t rocket science.

I honestly couldn’t possibly figure out how to build a rocket to carry a person to the moon.

But even me, I can see how together we could end poverty in Minnesota.
It is doable and I do have hope in God’s people that with God’s help we can do this.

I believe that collectively we have the power in the church to effect our community by working with our government to make changes that are for the good of all.

Today I want to tell you about one opportunity to be a part of bringing your faith values to the way we shape and decide how we will live together here in Minnesota.

On October 10, at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium in St. Paul, we can be a part of an event that brings hopefully 50 of our state legislators together with 4,000 people of faith.

It’s called Faith In Democracy.

It’s Republicans and Democrats coming together.

It’s people of faith gathering together in our hope that we can create through our power and organization the community that we hold in our hearts – where all people are valued and cared for.

Now I have to be honest on a personal level again.

Being a powerful person, using our power to lead or to organize is not easy. Stuff gets in the way.

Like those top ten excuses I mentioned earlier.

#1 is fear I’m afraid to take leadership.
I’m afraid to step up and take a stand on things because people may not like what I say and conflict is hard – especially here. I want you to be happy with me in my work.
I remember a story I once heard about a heckler who interrupted Nikita Krushchev in the middle of a speech in which he was denouncing the crimes of Stalin.
“You were a colleague of Stalin’s,” the heckler yelled, “why didn’t you stop him then?”
Krushchev apparently could not see the heckler and said, “Who said that?”
No hand went up. No one moved a muscle.
After a few seconds of tense silence, Krushchev finally said in a quiet voice,
“Now you know why I didn’t stop him.”

All of us who want to act as Jesus’ disciples have to work through our own fear. Because what we’re working towards – matters.

#2 Uncertainty I don’t know how to organize people to work together to effect change.

The good news is, that there’s people who do know how to identify an issue and form a strategy for how to act and help the people involved stay accountable to each other to do what we say we want to do.

They’re called organizers and their education, gifts and training are in the area of organizing people like us to act on what we want to change.

#3 Lack of Confidence I’m not sure I have the knowledge or skills.
I don’t want people to find out I don’t really understand how our political system works – it was a long time ago they taught us about government in school and I’ve forgotten, I don’t want to look like a fool or feel stupid.

I’m with you….but I’d hate to go to my grave realizing the reason I didn’t act in the world on the values I hold as a Christian is because I was too afraid to ask questions and show people I don’t understand….that’s just plain human that until we get into something fully we don’t really understand it all and how it works.

#4 Church and Politics don’t mix

Jesus was very political. He took on all the leaders of his day to challenge the systems in the government and in the church that oppressed the poor and those who had no power.

Martin Luther began the Lutheran Church by pinning a note on a door with 95 reasons why the church had to reform its direction.

There was corruption in the government and in the church and he acted.

The church needs to have a strong voice in politics and government. Not just from one perspective, like the evangelical far right, but from all those in the middle who hold the values of love for neighbor.

#5 Busyness I have a lot on my plate, life’s a game of picking and choosing and this isn’t my top priority.

True for all of us. At my husband’s church a few people found out during the coffee hour one Sunday that Elsie, an 80 year old long time member had drug dealers in her apartment building. It was scary and she felt afraid in her own building.

The people who heard about this said it’s not right for Elsie to live in fear and they organized a meeting with their councilman and the police chief and had Elsie tell her story.

They got on it and her building is now clear of drug dealers.

Sometimes it is only when something hits close to home with someone we know or care about that we get off the dime and it matters enough for us to do something to change it.

I think these same kind of issues exist in the lives of our members and in our neighbors lives.

I’m saying lets love our neighbors enough to care about the issues that effect them and work on the things that hit close to home in our community and Minnesota.

Let’s begin by having real conversations 1-1 in our church about the things we are passionate about and then let’s join together with those who have the same interests.

You can fill in some of the other top 10 reasons for not acting.

Just for a moment, I’d like you to name in your own mind what holds you back [pause] Then turn towards the person next to you and share. [allow a minute to share]

Jesus has given us the power to ACT.
Jesus has given us the vision for loving our neighbors.
Jesus promises to equip us for the task.
We have to say….I’m in, count me in Pastor Karen.

I want to be a part of the church organizing to share our values in the community.

I have placed a sheet for you to sign your name to in the sign up book in the narthex if you will commit to go with me on October 10, to the Faith In Democracy Event and join 4,000 other Christians who want to make a difference in Minnesota. I really want to see your name in the book.

When we were confirmed these words were spoken: [read from green book page p.201]
“You have made public profession of your faith. Do you intend to continue in the covenant God made with you in Holy baptism:
to live among God’s faithful people,
to hear His Word and share in his supper,
to proclaim the good news of God in Christ through word and deed,
to serve all people, following the example of our lord Jesus,
and to strive for justice and peace in all the earth?”

And you said, “I do and I ask God to help and guide me.”

Today, once again, I ask you to recommit to your promise to strive for justice and peace in all the earth.

Let us pray
Faithful Lord, you have set a vision before us and equipped us with the gifts that we need to bring peace and justice to a world in need. We ask this day that you would guide our actions and help us to organize ourselves in the church to love our neighbors in your name. Amen

read the preface in post below (my comments will be in bold)


Well Col, (my step mothers name is colleen) obviously I read the other e-mail first, here though you are asking some rather pointed questions. There is a certain naïveté which comes with being young and idealistic. I was there, I lived it. Does it mean in general terms that you are wrong to be that way, to fight for some of those causes, not at all. There is though a balance which must be struck. There is though a practicality and a sense of realism which must be introduced into the discussion. (makes sense)

There is not enough money on earth to fix all that is wrong, given the reality of life today.(probably true but have we tried, and there is certainly enough to get us half way there) Give all the money you want to “fix” all the ills which exist in the underdeveloped nations of this world and unfortunately, too much of what you give is “stolen” by the local government or those organized to manage the aid process. (true) Does that mean we don’t give? No, this means you learn to be selective as to where your assistance, in whatever form it might take, has the greatest impact. (weapons?)This applies whether you are an individual or the greatest nation on earth.

War is a terrible thing. Terrorism, one might argue is even more evil because its’ aim is to create the greatest amount of damage possible, on innocent people in order to undermine their will to resist. (not always true especially accordin to our standards of who terrorists are, by our standards the founding fathers were terrorists...) There are many acts of terrorism we have witnessed as a society during the last couple decades. Most of these acts of terrorism have been enacted in the name of God because of the religious intolerance which exists in so many places on this earth. (or by us in the name of money or "freedom")Arabs and Jews kill each other in the name of God, the Irish kill each other in the name of God, Muslims and Catholics kill each other in the name of God, Hindus and Muslims kill each other in the name of God.

I guess when the world was smaller and the risk of nuclear holocaust lied only with the Soviet Union and the United States, you could count on the balance of power to work. (right....so then those duck and cover videos were for?) You could count on those with the power to end life on earth to understand the futility of that course. Now religion enters into it, and the quickest way to become one with God is to die on the battlefield while maiming “your enemy”. There is no regard for life. Let’s complicate things a little further, give each of these terrorist regimes access to nuclear weaponry and give each of them the capacity to kill millions, hundreds of millions, maybe, even destroy the world. (has any of that even come close? and when we were supplying saddam with the weapons did we think he wasnt going to use them, rather just keep them in the refridgerator?)

So this is our brave new world. Do we stay on the sidelines hoping to negotiate a settlement, hoping they see the futility of their actions, hoping their hatred of mankind turns to love? (no) Do we placate as the world once did with the likes of Adolph Hitler, Benito Mussolini or the Emperor of Japan? (this is that question of if u had a gun to a young adolf hitlers head would you pull the trigger, i always answer no, but thats doesnt mean sit by and watch. there are plenty of routes to take that were not taken. same with saddam this time) Whether we like it or not, our role in today’s world will not allow us to risk the safety of our citizens, nor that of all of mankind’s by becoming an isolationist (true). Force is the only thing that will be understood. (false) Force is the only thing which can interdict this obvious terrorist inevitability. (false) Who knows, if done properly, this might even lead to the start of something new in the Middle East, though I doubt that.(so hes saying force will stop it but then saying he doubts that force will stop it) Given what I have seen and experienced in my life, military action is the right course of action, much to my chagrin. (the right course for whom? he just said it wouldnt help..and if it helps us now but doesnt stabalize the region then doesnt that bring 50,000 more terrorists to our doors in the future?)

anyway this is not the letter i will be writing back to my step mother, that will be more literate logical and i will have some proof as well as maybe some ideas that might help her see a different side, also i think i will post a sermon my mom wrote a few weeks ago. so sorry but it is interesting.

****PREFACE****HEY SO THIS IS A PREFACE TO THE UPCOMING POSTS

i recently found out my dad and step mother were attending the bush rally (meaning they are supporters) and this upset me to no end. but i figured that just meant i had to do something about it, so i decided i would talk them out of voting for bush. My first tactic came out of nowhere with a movie i happened to pick up from the uptown cheapo. it was a documentary (mostly interviews pushing a point) on the rise up to war with iraq and it was made by moveon.org which is a great organization, (though i dont follow up on a lot of their things). a sidenote to them is that they werent in fact created to get bush out but rather to push progressive agendas all around the country/world and so we can continue to expect more and more from them.
anyway this movie was brilliant, picking apart each speech for the lead up to war and using CIA agents and analysts, as well as political analysts and even white house staff members to contridct each statement made as a reason for war. it was actually quite amazing.
my step mothers response was irrational to say the least but illogical arguments followed and i became very frustrated. (my dad doesnt talk a lot during these arguments) my stepmother was raised wealthy catholic conservative BTW. anyway so after a hour or two i basically give up and she comes to the same conclusion as always which is "there is another side." though she feels no need to say what that other side is (because she chooses not to know about it, allthewhile believing in it)
her info comes from the post above this, her brother an ex military intelligence officer who was about to work for the cia but then had kids and didnt feel that would work. he writes her vague things with the overall assumption that she will listen no matter what (and she does)

her biggest thing from him is quote (cuz i have heard it so much) "there are things we dont know about, and they (the military and government) do. these are things we dont want to know, at least i dont" and thats a huge problem for me because the assissinations of former civil rights leaders were first proposed in those classified (need to know only) files and i think if that shit is continuing dont we want to know what our government that is for us by us is doing?
anyway on to her thing....

the grass is greener?

most people look at the place they are now and say another place is better maybe thats true, i mean there are less mosquitos in other places. but i find it funny that in st paul people look at minneapolis and think it sucks, or is dirtier, or has a higher crime rate etc. and its true is some cases. of course minneapolis looks at st paul and thinks the same.

according to the 2003 stats minneapolis as a city has a higher crime per population than st paul, but hennepin county has twice the number of people than ramsey county and its crime rate is lower for population.

so thas fun

olde english is starting a weekly video thing, check em out for new shit is what i mean

mike is a consumer whore (sorry for the word whore)

today i spent approx $710
items and services purchased included
cds
cdrs
oil change
carwash/wax
air filter
new mouse for comp
comp games
digital camera
bag memory and batteries for said camera
battery recharger
and of course Gum....

like i said (title)

also becky made me a really sweet hat which u will all get to see soon hopefully.

Why's this fussing and a-fighting?
I wanna know, Lord, I wanna know
Why's this bumping and a-boring?
I wanna know, Lord, I wanna know now
We should really love each other (love each other)
In peace and harmony (peace and harmony),
oohInstead, we're fussing and fighting (fussing and fighting)
And them workin' iniquity (... iniquity)
Why's this fussing and a-fighting?
I wanna know, Lord, I wanna know (... know), I wanna know now
Why's this cheating and backbiting?(I wanna know ...)
I wanna know,
oh, Lord, I wanna know now

fda approves two new drugs to help deal with dirty bomb contamination and other radioactive substances if exposed to humans.

thats pretty crazy at first but then i read a little report from the government that said that dirty bombs arent much more of a threat than regular bombs, have never been used, and when tested were abandoned because they werent as harmful as people though they would be, i go "well great, another drug to help nada?"

apparently the perceived threat as a "terror" device is what "terrorists" would be counting on, like use it in a crowded area and watch as people panic.

punk rocker site link added

another post from someone else's thoughts

(from david's site after his michael moore post)

not that anyone cares anymore but uh i love michael moores films even though i do know he twists the facts because it gives the bias i like to see the one that makes sense to me, the bias of people in power should look out for those without it (jesus) instead of hurting more people (bush) and the fact that michael moore misquotes exaggerates and cuts and pastes doesnt bother me one bit because i know that o'reilly and tucker and bush and ashcroft and rumsfeld (especially rumsfeld) and all of them are doing it too. Its true there is no unbiased reporting and there are no real documentaries. documentaries on birds (winged migration) are still showing a bias (as in birds are beautiful and should be appreciated and such) and yes if we are holding bush to a standard of truth, we ought to hold michael moore to one as well, but i think the fact that bush's actions and words are 100 times as powerful as michael moores also means that we should hold him to a higher standard.

Hey david since i havent posted in a long time and dint have anything else to say i figured a post on that topic could be appropriate.

I do think that was a very well made stunning etc piece of propaganda and i think the republicans have definietely done their job with that one, because the way it was presented does indeed give the impression they want people to have and really i mean its not an entirwly wrong impression. so im gonna go into this piece by piece and hopefully not forget anything but thanks for bringing it up and i encourage everyone to go check that out. http://www.kerryoniraq.com

so first off i should say i dont really trust kerry all that much and i think he can be kind of tricky but not more so than bush, and even from a republican stance of traditional christian or conservative economic stance i dont see how any republican can not see how he has failed you. but anyway, chances are all presidents will fail in some regard. Its funny cuz i think one of the biggest questions people bring up is kerry on iraq, but lemme get to that in asec what im saying in this paragraph is that i dont think that presidents and nominees are wholly good or bad, i dont think they can win on every front and in terms of them as people i dont blame them for that but i do blame them while they are in the position, i do hold them accountable like i think CEOs of companies ought to be held accountable for stealing from their employees or making the world a shitty place (when those that do, do) so its not bush himself i cant stand but rather what he does. and yes that line gets blurry but the truth is i dont necessarily always think he is an asshole. anywho. the same with kerry. do i think he is better than bush? yeah by a long shot. but will he be perfect no. and i hope michael moore makes a movie about him as well. or a book cuz his books tend to have more info. anyway that said i will probably vote for kerry because i prefer to move on to a new struggle in hopes that it might be a small step in the right direction (but maybe it wont be and i will blame kerry and his staff) also nader would/will get my vote if mn looks full on kerry (but i see to many damn bumperstickers)

anywho lets get to the issue, i think its funny they take such a gray issue and turn it black and white, especially when i tend to do the same thing only find a better answer. (PEACE) anyway, i think in terms of kerry, his stance on vietnam changed because the war was shitty, and he didnt realize that till he got back, and i think he did the same thing here. and thats forgivable, not for those who may have lost their lives but kerry is not responsible the commander in cheif is. so maybe he was gung ho and when he realized how knee deep in shit they were he said "hey guys um, wanna try going back?" and thats better (if done safely) then saying "fuck it lets shoot our way out"

2nd i do think there is a difference between the point they are trying to make and what he did. because even in his earlier speeches he was saying "i give the go ahead after they exhaust other options" the problem is that this administration did rush to war, they did plant evidence (at least in the minds of the congress) they did convince them that there were WMDs and yes i blame the congress for being stupid and believing them but at the same time when the fbi the cia and several other top information groups say "they are bad guys" its hard to remember that those bad guys were once put in power by those same information agencies. (not that it should be, but apparently it is, stupid congress)
anyway i think he has tried to make it clear that he critisizes the administration for rushing, not having a plan, not being able to go through with what they did have planned and such. i blame them for losing history (sacking of museums) anyway. thats one of the things i think even pro war people can say "fucking bush" to because its clear that they werent ready, they knew exactly how to bomb but not how to rebuild. and thats what a responsible power (such as we should be) is supposed to be able to do. we "hated" communism because it was destructive and didnt give to personal freedoms and didnt support our economy but what did we just do to iraq, we blew up their buildings, put thousands out of jobs, didnt even have police up and running for like 3-4 months i mean we gave them mob rule at the point of our gun, and mob rule by gun point is not freedom. as for now, sure they get rigged elections in a few months, but in general our image over there has gotten worse, so something must be wrong there. so to blame bush for rushing to war is a different stance even though i think john kerry is for the war. I dont like him for that, but i like the fact he doesnt want to create more of these catastrophes because he has learned from the mistake we have already made. Some people say a good leader is one who pushes ahead through the swamp, i say one who can admit the mistake and then make up for it is better.


that wasnt exactly point by point like i wanted it to be but hey, hows life everyone?

(sorry i dont feel like  typing this all out right)

Oh no-there's got to be a better way
Say it again
There's got to be a better way-yeah
What is it good for?
* War has caused unrest
Among the younger generation
Induction then destruction
Who wants to die?
War-huh-yeah
What is it good for?
Absolutely NOTHING!
Say it againWar-huhWhat is it good for?Absolutely nothing
YeahWar-I despise
'Cos it means destruction
Of innocent lives
War means tears
To thousands of mothers
 When their sons go off to fight
And lose their lives
I saidWar-huhIt's an enemy of all mankind
No point of war'Cos you're a man
*(Repeat)
Give it to me one time-nowGive it to me one time-nowWar has shatteredMany young men's dreamsWe've got no place for it todayThey say we must fight to keep our freedomBut Lord, there's just got to be a better wayIt ain't nothing but a heartbreakerWarFriend only to the undertakerWarWarWar-Good God, nowNowGive it to me one time nowNow nowWhat is it good for?

We went to see Hair the other night,   my dad and his wife,   becky and I.  it was fantabulous,    left us feeling good, high energy good vibes,    we  even thought they might have been smoking real weed, and the incense  filled the air  the entire show.    If  u bothered to read the lyrics  from the song posted below,  u might get a sort of feel of the show,   peace love and happiness.  they  leave  the antiwar debate at the simple notion that people are too beautiful to destroy   and that simple reason  seems  to be more than enough and yet   war on.      I went through a period of despair   when i woke up the next morning remembering that the beautiful world  the show creates for a few short hours was  not real  and even worse, that i probably wont get that feeling again, or at least wont see the show again for many years.         It  disturbs  me  how  people   are so wrong  now.   Or rather  so intrenched in negativity   and  the fact that im with them  sort os pisses me off,  (a quiet despair)     How can we  all see war  as such a horrible thing  and go at it   every chance we get? 
the audience at the show  was also  quite interesting, it was yuppie central  and i felt  weird  walking into the bathroom seeing that i was the only guy there who fit in with the characters  of the play.  fancy clothes and cocktail  parties  here i come.  (never)

my comp died like flat out, so until it lives again im posting very seldom, oh plus i might get a job manana.

http://www.tomspetition.org

thats from BEN's site picnic lightning, a far better site than mine, and its more interesting to go to his site first and then sign up

must mention rampnt computer troubles, causing total meltdown as well as not much e mail or blog checking
sorry to have such a lame post

what up in your life? what u thinking bout lately?

i havenae been home in a while, im supposed to let my mom borrow my car thursday for like the day, i dunno how thts gonna work, petes been in town so i been on the west side, (park) his sister is getting married on friday and then he leaves on sunday. its been pretty fun. hmmm i came home to clean out and wash my car and since i got here my motivation to do that has been plummeting. i need to put air in my tires and figure out why im spending so much and how to stop that. consumer i am, and yeah i tend to supersize. lets see, anything else, nova luna is going to south africa on thursday to have an amazing experiance and good time. i feel like i been really hard on jmes and hes been trying to be really nice to me. and steve may or may not have finished cleaning up our room/moving in. alsostuff

"Walking in Space" from hair

Doors locked (doors locked)
Blinds pulled (blinds pulled)
Lights low (lights low)
Flames high (flames high)
My body (my body)
My body
My body (my body)
My body
My body
Is walking in space
My soul is in orbit
With God face to face
Floating, flipping
Flying, tripping
Tripping from Potsville to Starlight
Tripping from Starlight to Moonville
On a rocket to
The Fourth Dimension
Total self awareness
The intention
My mind is as clear as country air
I feel my flesh, all colors mesh
Red black
Blue brown
Yellow crimson
Green orange
Purple pink
Violet white
White white
White white
White white
All the clouds are cumuloft
Walking in space
Oh my God your skin is soft
I love your face
How dare they try to end this beauty?
How dare they try to end this beauty?
To keep us under foot
They bury us in soot
Pretending it's a chore
To ship us off to war
In this dive
We rediscover sensation
In this dive
We rediscover sensation
Walking in space
We find the purpose of peace
The beauty of life
You can no longer hide
Our eyes are open
Our eyes are open
Our eyes are open
Our eyes are open
Wide wide wide!

new links pleasure pause got a new wab page that i wasnt aware of, 7 days remain as well and i added another kid who's blog i read regularly like "ben"
also i fixed the light show link even though kristen didnt make it sound all that hopeful that they will play again
i have ot heard from mat joel or brendan.

How come no one ever commented on my kayak joke? that was comedy. ya could at least have made a point (like i forgot to) about "Eskimo" being a derogative term. (spelling?)

um im still fully aware that i havent commented on that last comment on the anthem thing, i was writing one and i had to restart my comp. i may write it again tonight, or possibly tomorrow. im amazed how people dont see the hypocrisy between praising a song because it mentions freedom (of speech) and making fun of or saying its un-patriotic to use it. but I suppose we have that everywhere.

"Back to the land of the police man
Where he does whatever he says he can
Including hating you because you're a Jew
Or beating black ass, that's nothing new
Trigger happy cops, they just like to brawl
They use guns, clubs, gas, but that's not all
They got puke, ridden prisons and sex sick jails
Fuck the poor, if you're rich you pay the bail
So support your police, support your local wars
That's the way to open economic doors
Why do we do it? 'Cause the president's a whore
We assume the position to sell the ammunition
What the fuck? It's the american tradition
Along with going fishin' apple pies in the kitchen
Isn't it bitchin' seeing dead men in ditches?"
~~ chili peppers from "green heaven"

hmmm i need to stop waking up at 6-9 in the morning that just not like me. stupid sun. anyway it allowed me to get some drawing and musica listening done. the real problem is now im awake and i have niothing to do and smart people dont wake up for another few hours.

download
jack johnson "gone"
2 skinny js "bbq"
311 anything
cirque do soleil "alegria" original and the remix


probably more these are all old but good

sorry to drag anyone into that last thing, kinda hard. very frustrating. gabs should be home that will be good. me and becky been talking a lot about learning things, err learning disabilities, learning behaviors, learning methods, theories, choices, histories. she is taking a class on child developement. i'll probably have to talke that class if not i should...

so that whole last thing happened from steves graduation, we are so old. everyone is, too old and not acting our ages.

so lemme go over the rest of the weekend for ya, lets see power outage mixed with thunderstorm and carbon monoxide filling up our building, meaning evacuation into thunderstorm by police escort, oh plus cold showers due to lack of water heater (power outage) this one girl going somewhat crazy due to her being a little crazy her complaing loudly to everyone. um light bulbs that pop out and break all over becky's room into her clothes so we cant tell what she can wear and what she cant. uh severe cramps (from the female perspective) uh tornado warnings when we try to go out, becky's horse is covered with mosquitos due to the humidity. uh bad movies that were entertaining (timeline, and dragonfly) uh stepfords wives was pretty interesting and funny, much social commentary in very odd way. uh i dunno this thing with mi hermano, more....

probably both of us spending too much money.

i havent told zach and pete i probably wont be going with them this next weekend.

I dont like the national anthem, i dont intend to stand for it anymore, and though i say this each time (i again chickened out today) i decided i might write something about it, and why i dont like it. furthermore i plan to do a piece of art discussing why i think its more patriotic to sit rather than stand.

"Complete version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" showing spelling and punctuation from Francis Scott Key's manuscript in the Maryland Historical Society collection.

O say can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight
O'er the ramparts we watch'd were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bomb bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there,
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream,
'Tis the star-spangled banner - O long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore,
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a Country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footstep's pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O thus be it ever when freemen shall stand
Between their lov'd home and the war's desolation!
Blest with vict'ry and peace may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the power that hath made and preserv'd us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto - "In God is our trust,"
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave. " taken from the website.

reason number one: the song/poem is abotu a war, not only do i not like war but i think most of the wars we have fought in this country arent worth praising including the current one.

Second: its not even about the revolution did ya know that? its about the war of 1812 and it wasnt made the national anthem till the 1930s so fuck it.

third: the banner or flag is a symbol and i dont think we should praise symbols, we should look to them and understand their purpose but like jurewitz use to say in world religions class "praising/worshipping a symbol is like looking at a statue that is pointing at something and never looking at what its pointing at." (hopefully that was close enough) and that is us being stupid

fourth: i do think we should love freedom, but thats not what we are doing, and being mad at someone who uses their freedom to not follow blindly, but rather question at what cost we keep our freedom (if even that) is ridiculous and hypocritical.

lastly: the first verse or "our anthem" end with the lines
"O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?"
and i ask does it? has it ever? and is it right to keep pretending that this is the land of the free and the home of the brave? my answer is no, that doesnt help, its turning a blind eye to the injustice, its praising the oposite of the ideals we boldly state we stand for. so fuck standing.. maybe next time i will have the guts to be a real patriot.

i need to leave my house why does everyone have something to do but I? why do the things i have to do suck like getting bricks? who gets bricks? fuck bricks fuck them and their stupid brickasses.

nadadadadadaa my grama comes today yippee I mean oh joy
me and my grama arent always on the same page, sometimes we are awake at the same time sometimes she buys me things sometimes i try to be nice to her, but more out of respect for what could have been or what could be with my grama not out of a special connection we share.

wheres your head at? its oo hot, my brain cant function and it makes me sleepy like
im probably gonna wake up dead tomorrow and they will find out i had a fever all night and that it was a million plus degrees inside my head and my blood suffocated me while it was boiling hence yall have fun peace and love

"it's on the roof of my mouth
i'm gonna bark the words
on the roof of my mouth
kicking in these windows"

thas an at the drive in quote i dont have much to say but everyone is getting all sharp on my ass everytime i dont post nothin and im getting all sharp on some other kids asses for being lazy as well. the problem is i sleep all day and do shite all night, might have a job soon at a pizza place will update ya on that. gabs comes home in a week. Illy is gone in chicago aimee if searching for a jizzzob becky is working her behind off at morris coming home in a couple weeks and pete gets in town on 17th

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank. This proves once and for all that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

I got an A in this class even though i didnt do half the work

Raising Awareness: A Male Perspective
In the course of this women studies class several things have become quite clear, one of them being that women, in their struggle to overcome the circumstances that have oppressed them, have had to educate themselves about the situation they are in. For some this has meant years studying law and politics in order to get suffrage, for others this has meant the use and legal distribution of birth control and the legalization of abortion as a means to keep women from being “held down” by children and family responsibilities that have been traditionally assigned to women. These struggles and more have led to an increase in society’s understanding of several “women’s” issues, but is this limited understanding enough? In my last paper I described double binds the dominant power places on women to keep them from taking their rightful power, and concluded by saying that in some way these women and other subordinate classes would need to unite against the dominant power in order to overcome the oppression. I also briefly mentioned how this task would be made much easier if the dominant power were made to see the oppression and then hopefully act against it. In this way the divide and conquer scheme used against women would be turned on the dominant power and men would be struggling against men, breaking what may be perceived as a united male front. In the same way education was used to help women see the situation affecting them, I believe education will be the key tool allowing men to see the oppression they cause.
I decided to write about furthering men’s understanding of women studies through education and analysis even though it does not specifically relate to women, because I am a male feminist, and in my quest to understand feminism I have had to confront my own beliefs and the learned behaviors I have been socialized with. This experience has left me more passionate than ever, but has also left me wondering what I can do in a setting where feminists consistently call on women to pull themselves up. Where do I, a male feminist, fit in? How do we as men help when helping could mean bringing about another set of oppressive circumstances? I take my cues about educating men from other male feminists. Michael Kimmel, Allan Johnson, R.W. Connell and many more educate from the male perspective seemingly to bring about a smoother transition, an understanding and supportive back up role, stepping back to allow women their natural choice. This may come at what some may feel to be a cost to men, the cost being their traditional privileged ignorance and the power they obtain from it. These privileges however, when looked at from a feminist stand point, seem more detrimental for both sexes rather than helpful. To see this we must first discuss the means by which this position of male superiority is passed on. Then, in order to further understand its effects, we must take an in depth look at how pervasive it is in our society and only then can we discuss the means by which we can hopefully overcome it.
Male superiority through patriarchy has been ingrained in our society through the process of socialization. Patriarchy at this point seems more than just learned, but maybe by breaking down some history and common misconceptions this veil can be lifted to reveal that it is socialization through all major institutions in our society that passes on the belief of patriarchy being “right.” Allan Johnson in “The Mystery of How We Got Here” describes the rise of patriarchy by means of men needing to control their surroundings. He describes the concept of control giving rise to patriarchy. The concept of control may come from the dawn of agriculture and the beginning of surplus food, and thus wealth, or as other authors point out, control may have existed before this in the form of violence against women in the cave-“man” stages or through the development of herding which would see animal, and later human, offspring as wealth to be controlled rather than praised. Still, going with the concept of control, one can see how hoarding wealth could bring about a need for strength, independence and violence in bringing about an authoritative position. Men acknowledging this might see how assigning women traits that would not conflict with this would be gaining an advantage over them. Women had at this point already been honored for fertility, motherhood, the bringing of life. In this they would be quite vulnerable to also being assigned the nurturing, care taker role to bring up that life, which would leave them far from the sphere of politics, power and wealth, a position that seems to persist today. If we continue with this model and assume that overtime both sexes learn to see it as natural through socialization, we can see how patriarchy could continue to thrive. It is with this that Aristotle, Aquinas, and many men throughout history rule women inferior. By restricting them from public life, women take a back seat in that which society deems important. How can women be important in a society in which they are not participants?
One can still find the quite prominent remnants of this restrictive patriarchal system in today’s society. As we have seen from class discussions women are still in many cases expected to get married young, be dependent on their husbands, and give up their lives for their families, where as men still stand tall in the public sphere. A clear example from the media of women being given a back seat on public issues is the attention paid to Hollywood actresses. They are shown in the public light but the focus remains on their looks and dating habits, and though this is often times the same for men, focus is often shifted towards their careers, thoughts and expectations towards projects they are working on. To Brad Pitt the question will be asked “What impact does the violence of films like Fight Club and Snatch have on your audience?” His wife Jennifer Aniston will be asked, “What are you wearing?” and “When can we expect children?” This system is taught to our young. Little boys play with trucks, robots, action figures, and toys to help them develop their imagination on a world level, if not a universal level with alien and spacecraft toys. Girls, however, are taught to play with Barbie and Ken, a couple at their dream house with make-up, fake baby dolls, and little baking kits to supplement. These same characteristics are taught and re-taught, reinforced as we grow, so that by the time the young boys become men they are thinking about making it big in business, while the women are thinking about making a big family. This is an over simplified version of a classic story we have heard over and over, through fairytales, books, movies, TV, and by our parents, friends, teachers, religious institutions and more. What seems the most interesting is that women seem fully aware of their position, while men are not. This is demonstrated beautifully by Dale Spender in her “Disappearing Tricks”. The girls notice immediately that they are not included in the “Everyone wants to grow up to be a Football hero,” still, they played along as they had been accustomed to doing in life, where as the boys remained unaware that they alone were being discussed. When the game was switched, the boys became upset and frustrated that they were no longer included. This could be considered an example of the male privilege men have grown accustomed to, which without analyzing and dispersing, remains a blockade to men being able to support women.
Once we understand that we are socialized into patriarchy it is important to try to understand to what extent. Also, we must remember that though this system affects “both” sexes, the effects are oftentimes overlooked by men who are socialized into believing that the system is fair and natural, especially considering that what they experience is not considered to be a disadvantage. To a greater extent, because of what chapter four points out as the “ideal” traits a man should have (175), men become even more self concerned, independent, and strong willed against seeing the effects or allowing for change. This male privilege leaves society in a position of male dominance in most if not all areas.
Socialized patriarchy may be responsible for the way in which we have learned or rather learned to ignore these things, but through educating ourselves we realize that there are problems. In analyzing the foundations of our social institutions for the masculine bias that we have been discussing we can see that male privilege has indeed deeply affected our society. As we have already discussed in the history of philosophy theories often depicted women as being second class but women were allowed little to no role in the creation of these concepts and were allowed no voice to oppose them. So men, who spent a great deal of time analyzing the validity of arguments, “logically” discussed the position of women in their society without so much as even consulting women. This in itself seems a mistake large enough to make their arguments invalid, but the repercussions of their actions can hardly be measured in the extent to which they affected society. In the same way, learned men who practiced medicine had only themselves to research and thus medical treatment for women is substandard. This remains the case as Andrea Stout sadly had to find out through dealing with doctors with her reproductive health. Her doctor did not treat her symptoms at first because he played it off as a “women’s issue,” either because he was ignorant to the fact it may be serious or because he was ignorant as to how to treat it. Men control women’s reproductive health without consulting women or having women present when deciding what types of abortions are legal, debating which drugs are okay in regards to birth control, and limiting the knowledge and availability of the morning after pill. In religion men make the rules, play the role of advisors, councilors and even judges when it comes to organized faith. Women are abused for not wearing veils, a rule made by men to control “their” women, hiding them from other men, and keeping them from positions of prominence, and some would say even from their humanity. Law makers kept the right to vote from women, and still keep them in positions of inferiority by allowing for wage discrimination and by allowing them to be subjected to violence such as domestic abuse and “honor killings.” Yet although all of these things are documented, from the male perspective, the prejudice of these actions is unknown and unfamiliar. Even males who have felt discrimination continue to discriminate, such as is the case of male immigrants who practice “machismo” violently when they bring this concept of “chivalry” to the United States. When philosophy, medicine, religion, and law rule a class inferior it is easy to see why women would be upset, but shouldn’t we all be? What, if not a deeply imbedded ignorance to the prejudice against women in men, could keep us from being upset? Why is it that men make laws to keep “their” women from being abused by others outside the home, only to abuse them inside? I maintain that it must be ignorance, not just on a personal level, but rather on the societal level. Men are not allowed, shown, taught or forced to believe that by maintaining this status quo they are hurting their loved ones as well as themselves.
When we start to realize how pervasive this prejudice against women is in our society we can start to look for prejudices in our own lives, so that each time we are introduced to new forms of patriarchy we can dismantle their negative qualities. I recently saw a movie called Big Fish which is a story about a man who tries to figure out who his father is by analyzing his father’s tall tales. I had not yet heard a bad review of the movie and everyone on my floor that had seen it, male and female alike, had suggested I watch it. The movie began with a sort of montage of the father character telling his son a story about catching a fish, the scenes showed the son growing up while his father continued telling him the story. The story ended at his son’s wedding where the father finished the story by saying how he had caught the giant fish by baiting his hook with his gold wedding ring and how at that same time while he was fishing, his wife had been giving birth to his son. He concluded by saying that the fish was like his wife, and that the only way to catch a big fish like that is to give her a ring, or by proposing marriage. This “capturing of a woman” coupled with the fact that the father was out having an adventure while the mother gave birth seemed to perpetuate the old patriarchal claims and had me frustrated but what made it worse was that in the movie, the father figure was continually praised for telling this story. The movie continues from the perspective of the father who describes his fairytale life in which he meets an old witch, falls in love with a beautiful girl he has never talked to, wins her over with romance and chivalry, and allows several other women to fall for him. At one point during the story he tells of how when he was eighteen he met a small girl of eight years. They discussed how at forty-eight and thirty-eight it did not seem like a very big gap between them and later in the movie you find out that the girl basically waited for him. Without his love she cannot live and becomes an old witch continuing the cycle as if it all depended on him, the hero. Throughout the movie all the female characters are loving and supportive, they swoon at romance and heroics but never reach out to be a hero themselves. They are enveloped in light, as if they are innocent, pure, and need to be protected. Both the male and female characters play the ideal, because the movie is a fairytale story about fairytales. This movie won over the audience, I too even felt teary eyed when the father died and his son became like him, but an analysis of what this movie shows and how it affects the audience is rather disappointing. Not only do both male characters give no credit to the human characteristics of their wives, but also the audience is captivated by the story. Male privilege can be seen not only in the movie but also in response to the movie. When I ask women about the symbolism of the ring they instantly understand what I am asking about and often times feel a sense of shame for “falling for it,” which shows a double bind against women. From the male perspective it is just a movie about a hero. There is no dialogue about the women’s roles, and rarely do they even notice the women character’s positions in the movie. This seems similar to our class discussion in which our understanding of women artists, writers, and musicians seem to be that they are back up characters and almost never credited for their work. Cat may be able to list off the Lilith Fair roster but a response from a male is “You’re asking the wrong person.” He lists off two pop stars and an actress who has not written a song in her life. This ignorance is deeply imbedded in men but it takes very little to try and pry it out.
Examples of male privilege can be found in more then just the media. Recently, a group of male friends and I were playing “guards” during a game of capture the flag. Not only were the women seen as being irrelevant players, but their positions in the all campus strategy game showed a difference as well. All the women players stayed on the mall for the most part, which happened to be the middle ground. Rarely did girls make a run from the middle ground, which was well lit, to the darker areas of campus where the flags were hidden, and when they did, they did so only in groups. Meanwhile three of us were in a darker area of campus across the street from one of the blue emergency lights, coming and going as we pleased. We stopped from boredom at one point and started discussing the function of the blue lights on our campus. We came to the conclusion that there are too few of them to make a difference so they must be there simply for looks, to make female students and their parents feel comfortable. I then brought up the fact that sometimes my girl friend went out alone at night on campus and had told me several times she felt unsafe. This perceived threat had not occurred to me before she had told me and at first the extra worry seemed a nuisance from my ignorant perspective, but when looking at it from her perspective I started to realize the extent of the problems that cause her that fear. In our society men do not usually need to worry about their safety, just as they do not need to worry about philosophy, medicine, religion or laws, and so they do not until it is brought up. When I discussed her fear with the other guys we all started realizing the differences between these gendered roles. We discussed how we were not only the ignorant bystanders, but also that in our lives we had contributed to this fear and thus the need for emergency blue lights, by allowing violence to continue without realizing or acknowledging it. It is through this same ignorance that the prejudice continues. Not only does it affect our media, leaders, and laws, but its effects hurt us, our lives and the lives of those we love. We allow this to continue by not educating ourselves and by not taking responsibility for it.
In my last paper I discussed unity being the solution to the problems, and I am continuing that statement by elaborating on some of the means by which ignorance keeps us from uniting. It seems necessary to break down that ignorance by analyzing the means by which it is communicated to us. I believe that, for men especially, it is necessary to discover the other half of humanity by challenging old belief systems, and by holding themselves accountable for their continuation in ignorance. One of the ways I sincerely feel might help is through group discussions on the roles of each sex in society and how they relate. I think that these discussions should be started at a young age and driven by the challenge of helping both sexes see the confinement put on them by the society they live in and helping to expand, challenge, and overcome these barriers. This is a similar concept to the way in which women began the feminist movement. Consciousness raising sessions led to dramatic changes for the awareness of women and I feel that they could do the same for men. This attitude alone towards change would bring about support for the feminist ideals, however, like any social movement, time and persistence is necessary.

im my egotistical imagination i like to think that since i havent posted or called anyone most people are wondering and worried about me, figuring i have fallen off the face of the earth and such. its pretty true in a sense, i mean i suck at staying in contact with people, and st paul is a world away from the action many of you are out facing. not only that but i been painting and reading and watching the entire first season of 6 feet under and hbo show my family likes. i been reorganizing my messy room, trying to make things fit, checking out old stories poems and art and placing some of it on my walls.

trying very hard to not get a job all the while claiming im looking. or so it seems, meaning i am looking but very slowly. like today i checked a coffee shop, and got an aplication at shinders, but i now realize i pretty much only have 2.5 months and not 4. that is if i want a weekor two off and now even my irresponible friends are getting on track, the same people i was frustrated with for doing nothing now have 1-3 jobs more than me. and i have been networking, talking to my dad his school system all over, summer programs working with kids all fill up well before the summer. and i thought i got out of school early. Tim and kristen seem to be having a blast in europe and i havent heard from gabs but she gets back soon anyway. and now were planning for the fourth maybe camping? and i mistakenly told aimee that gabs wouldnt be back but she will be

so im a bum and i was thinkingis that ok? i mean i always said that was fine with me. one of the poems i recently reread had the lines "speaking of power how much comes in the dollar? if my time aint worth cash who's chain is attached to my collar?" and i was thinking today none of us really want freedom, we all attach that chain ourselves and determine the length we are willing to live with. The only ones with freedom are the homeless and we generally shun them, and treat them like we cant stand them rather than stand in line to fill their shoes.

hey guys i have been in worlds of weirdness lately little bit confused on who and what im down for. Still thinking still hoping to hear from people. Speaking of which it may be hard without my new e mails addresses and screen name

MikeHaggar@msn.com is one and Hagg0055@mrs.umn.edu is the other also my new screen name for AIM is MJHaggar i know all of this sucks but its was forced upon me so im trying to make the best. I will probably be in morris this weekend kicking it with my lady. so have fun.

peace and love to ya

dilemna, i love my friends right? i mean for serious, but they seem to be runnign from themselves to the point where sometimes i wonder if the person im hanging out with is even the person i care about it the first place? their struggles to figure out who they are take turns they have lready learned from. If you're lost and all u have been taking are lefts try a right.

so i havent put that paper up yet.

I have three friends in europe and i really want to hear about what/how they are doing but there isnt a whole lot of ways to get a hold of em, suppose i could e mail.

havent found a job yet, havent really looked. My dad might check into a job at his school which would be good both in the here and now and in the future if i want to become a teacher.

uh aimeee gets home tomorrow that will be good.

i saw kill bill last night and so i will probably go see the 2nd one

i have yet to get a tv set up in my room with a vcr so i cant watch hair yet.

um yeah...

they shanged around blogger for serious, well i been home for a couple days, pete was in and out of town, gabs too and soon tim and kristen will be leaving for europe i wished em my best tonight (not literally but u know saw em and said goo luck and shit)

hmmmmm somewhat restless its weird being home, its weird being in this new home (st paul) we just moved and now im just supposed to except this place and so far its working cept for the drive and i dont have a job.

and it freaks me out to walk into this house at night. Tonight there was like a big dog, maybe a husky and he was just sitting on our yard freaked me out. also we dont have a front light which we should.

illy seems to be doing well. and my girl becky had some bad news for me the other day but im getting the impression shit is working out. Imgetting my room set up slowly. on the agenda, job search (maybe a gas station coffee shop or some sort of kid program) visit school. see my dad. call chris natasha and elizabeth invit aimee home on the 16th and then mayeb go up to morris to hang out with me chica prayers and shit go out to gabs kristen and tim and all other travellers and people in the inbetween stages of shit. peace and love taff

Im writing my second women's studies paper right now, i will probably post it. I dont know why i like them more than others, why i like that class, i guess it makes me feel like i can do something, help for change. I guess writing those papers makes me feel like im actually thinking, where as say my history papers are just bs.
so if u see a big long thing on here in a day or two dont worry and make sure u check out the e mail change happening soon

for the record, i no longer live in park, i live in st paul, but will visit park often im sure. two i am almost done with school, and though this is bad in one sense i am ready for classes to be over. three i been under a lot of stress these last few weeks so i been a jerk to a lot of people and i would like to apologize, four i missed my dads b day yesterday (tuesday) five 1.5 papers and a test to go, 2 rooms to clean and some more packing then im home. 6 i dont have a mothers day present. seven i will be changing e mail addresses soon, still have taffyman1 as an AIM name and my Hagg0055@mrs.umn.edu but my mom is switching to msn or something so i will have to change names after so many years. 8 i need a job i think, my mom probably wont let me sit around all summer.
and last
sadly becky is staying in morris for a couple months, this will probably help in some ways and hurt in many others, she is training her horsey and taking some summer classes all by her lonesome

I need to learn more about myself the world, it takes time and though its not always right to do so, sometimes it must be done. i wake up crabby too often now...

Tim was recently published in an online journal this should take you there

tim also made it clear a couple of months ago that certain sites would not be up again so i figure i will take them down, Bye bye mp3.com

Something you can hardly call a reasonable post-updated for the sake of updating


I been playing a lot of civ 3, relaxing, tryign to solve some problems that arent to be solved and only then all in my head. So i spaz out every so often and i may still be on that path. Its hard to remember to smell the roses when they are all seemingly covered in dog poo

Remember that time i went to prom in drag?

its a little bit different color dress this time....

"I could say bella bella, even say wonderbar! each language only helps me tell you, how grand you are!"

no more skipping class, and get your work done mike

Khalil Gibran

On Friendship
And a youth said, "Speak to us of Friendship."

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

khalil Gibran

On Giving
Then said a rich man, "Speak to us of Giving."

And he answered:

You give but little when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the overprudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?

And what is fear of need but need itself?

Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, thirst that is unquenchable?

There are those who give little of the much which they have - and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;

They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.

Though the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;

And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving

And is there aught you would withhold?

All you have shall some day be given;

Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors'.

You often say, "I would give, but only to the deserving."

The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.

They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.

Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights is worthy of all else from you.

And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream.

And what desert greater shall there be than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?

And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?

See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.

For in truth it is life that gives unto life - while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

And you receivers - and you are all receivers - assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.

Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;

For to be overmindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the free-hearted earth for mother, and God for father.

In a flash my confidence level goes from 10 to 1 and the things i hold to be true vanish

why continue?

there are those around you who may need your help and in doing so, you will find yourself again.
allow them to help you, for in reality its a very selfish world and self reliance is not enough to get by on. You must have help and you must give your help your love your truth your beauty in order to receive it.

I dont know what I've done, or what happened, I only know I hurt when those around me do, i only know that I cannot exist with out them.

help me, call or write

The one previous is a women's studies paper i wrote a little while ago. The assignment was in regards to a book of feminists essays and studies and shit. thoughts?

The Reality of False Consciousness
“Karl Marx used the term false consciousness to describe the class consciousness of subordinate classes who had internalized the view of the dominant class” (Andersen and Taylor 194). Marx uses this term describing how a dominant group in society can pervert the causes of the subordinate groups by turning them on themselves. In war, this would be similar to a “divide and conquer” strategy, and in class we have referred to similar situations as a double bind. I understand that this is not specifically a sociology class, or a socialist or political theorist class, but I feel that the term could be easily accepted when looking at the issues that surround the women’s rights movement today. Some of these issues being the double bind in sexuality, beauty and the female body image, career choices for women, and in violence against women. The method of persuasion seems to be socialization, which is the education of people into roles that accept this patriarchal view, something that often occurs early in life through family and schooling, and then later through peers and the media. Several of the essays in the book give clear testimonies of both the pervasiveness of the patriarchal system and observations and suggestions as to how to surmount it, the most common and obvious suggestions being to unite against the force of the dominant power. After discussing the ways in which the dominant power of our society infiltrates and persuades people on these issues through socialization, I will try to incorporate some ideas I think would be helpful in removing society from this false consciousness.
One of the biggest struggles for change within the women’s rights movement is and has always been the way society views the female form which continues to exist because of the double binds placed on women. A human’s body is essentially directly attached to that human’s self worth and this has been a powerful tool in many societies to control women. In many cultures this is displayed through the confinement of women in the home, in separate places, behind clothes, make up or hair styles. This struggle also includes the exploitation of women for work, sex, and power. Steven Schacht records some of this in his list of male privileges, parts of numbers 4 through 12 and more all include talk of women being obligated by society to buy clothes and makeup to cover up their bodies, be used as entertainment for men, be available for abuse and yet be responsible to bear the burden of children, all because the dominant power has chosen this burden for women. These tasks keep women from standing up to men because not only must they fulfill these roles in order to be respected by the men, but also men have convinced many women that they must fulfill these roles in order to be respected by other women. Jenny’s book on “sluts” for instance, is an example where a woman who is comfortable with her body may be treated as an outcast by other women because she does not fit the dominant power’s role for women. Many women fearing backlash for being different then feel compelled to act “feminine,” in some cases leading to what many feminists consider exploitation. This view is not always considered exploitation because some feminists promote the use of traditional “feminine” qualities such as dress and make up wearing so as to find what they regard to be the traditional and proper place for women. bell hooks discusses several of the ways the standard of women’s sexuality has been exploited. One example she uses is that of Tina Turner, a famous singer who’s stage persona was created by a man who was abusing her. Turner, who eventually broke away from her abusive husband is left wondering what role to play, and decides to try and take the same stage persona she once had declaring it hers. hooks insists this is just giving into the society and that Turner by accepting the role given to her, is perpetuating the control men have over women’s bodies. All of these disagreements in themselves show the influence of false consciousness, as the opposing views leave them criticizing each other rather than the dominant power that put them into the situation. In class we discuss the same topic, is selling sex appeal taking the feminist stance, or is winning without the use of this traditionally exploited piece of humanity the feminist way? This question comes up in another field of study for feminists, that of the job market.
Throughout history women have had a significant role in the labor of societies, however due to the patriarchy of these societies they are rarely given credit. It was not until very recently that a notion of women staying home entirely for the sake of taking care of children became popular, and then, only for the middle and upper classes. This way of life did however have a profound impact on the way of life in the United States to the extent that even now, though it is nearly impossible for a family to live on a single income, it is still prevalent as a possible “ideal” situation for a portion of US citizens. The problem is that this portion, though not making up the majority, does seem to have a good deal of impact on the rest of society. So though it is very hard for women to support their families without working there is still blame placed on parents and more specifically women because they are not there to play the role of care taker for their children. This double bind leaves women with a dilemma, they are supposed to work, and they are supposed to stay home. To make matters worse, the patriarchal society makes the jobs that women can have subordinate to the positions men can have. Padavic and Reskin call this the “glass ceiling effect,” women provide the labor while men make up the administration and thus the higher paying jobs. Women are not expected and rarely supported in moving up the corporate ladder, which means they are seldom found in the top administrative roles. This stratification in jobs coupled with the fact that there is still sexism within the workplace and within the payroll leaves women significantly worse off than their male peers. Recent studies show women make about seventy cents for every dollar a man makes. Bose and Bridges Whaley show that women also tend to be more accepted in careers that are deemed feminine or “pink collar” such as teacher or nurse, jobs that are extremely important but also extremely underappreciated. Once again these examples show that double binds placed on women keep them from confronting the dominant power. This sort of prejudice, though blatantly obvious when looking at numbers is rarely so clear in actual situations. Unlike in the past the prejudice of today is quite subtle as Diane Lopez pointed out, and makes the task for equality that much harder.
One way in which this prejudice seems extremely obvious is the way in which women are treated, and the violence against women in the world. Violence takes many different forms, from nasty jokes told on smoke breaks at work, to mass media coverage of a staged violent undressing of a pop star, to the mass rapes that occur during war and unrest. The violence against women seems to stem from the insecurity of men, and sometimes other women. Men’s insecurity may come from the fact that men are supposed to be playing the role of being superior, where as in reality they understand that they can not fulfill this role and so must try to maintain at least the facade through dominance. The essay on fraternities shows a side of this, where men go through trials to prove themselves superior to others, but end up doing things that only display their ignorance, intolerance and immaturity. Sometimes this is taken to the extreme and people get hurt, but one could argue that the whole concept of an organization who trains young people to become hyper masculine, obedient, and intolerant is a formula for violence. A similar insecurity is displayed through women who use violence against themselves such as is the case with many eating disorders and in those who cut themselves, which are displays of power seen more often as “feminine.” These acts are often also associated with the inability to cope with an unobtainable ideal. Another double bind concerning women in regards to violence is visible from reports of a woman who is victimized late at night, while by herself or while intoxicated. “She shouldn’t have been there, done that or had that to drink,” are common rebuttals to such news. This seems silly considering everyone in this country is supposed to be guaranteed the right to walk around, be by themselves, or have a drink. So somehow, because the victim is a woman all of a sudden she is to blame. The dominant powers must have their subordinates under control if they can keep the blame off themselves and put it on to the victim of a horrible crime. In order to change these double binds we must first understand how they were set in place.
In every society there is natural process of socialization, a term meaning the normal process of learning social patterns, roles and processes which is where the false consciousness begins. As we learned from Barrie Thorne and Michael Kimmel and Barbara Risman boys and girls are raised differently with different expectations for each. Boys are often taught to be tough, independent, unemotional, confident, competitive and driven to succeed. Men are supposed to grow up to be powerful and wealthy, regardless of the cost. Girls, or good girls as we are told by the results Simmons (Odd Girl Out) found straight from the mouths of young girls are to be “thin, pretty, blond, helpless, dependent, and stupid,” or basically subordinate to their male counterparts. It is with this foundation and the subsequent years of the media pounding reminders of this into people that men are able to exploit women through sexuality and body image, keep them from obtaining good jobs and treat them as less than human through violent acts.
When confronted with all these situations in which there seems to be no option it is hard to maintain faith in a movement. That is, until one looks at a greater picture. The answer to any double bind is simple; get those affected by them to stand up to them. The false consciousness is charade the dominant power hopes to keep the subordinates believing. By uniting those who are in favor of a new way, in which people are equal, there would be a new majority. Michael Moore a leftist political writer wrote in his last book that if the minorities, meaning those who are not white males, would stand up as one front they could win every political race no contest. That means they could have females in every head office in the nation. Now this may seem a little far fetched so here is another option, instead of fighting the white man, why not get him to join the cause by forcing him to see it from the position of the minority? The gender training that boys receive often allows them to ignore or be oblivious to the positions of others, so in all issues the movement has to put it into their terms. Instead of just some woman out there being victimized make it clear that it could be their sister. Instead of allowing rich white men to maintain large fortunes while others suffer, increase taxes on them so that they feel they are suffering too. These are small things but necessary nonetheless for without the dominant power backing the movement, true equality will never exist. Through the unification of subordinates, or the inclusion of the dominate powers in the struggle against the false consciousness, or both, the binding system can be dissolved.






Andersen, Margaret L. and Howard F. Taylor. Sociology: The Essentials. 2003.