wheres an oracle when u want it?

(self counseling, session # 8180125621010 or so)


I dont know if jenni actually reads this on a regular basis but i saw her and tim and scott tonight and it was a huge breath of fresh air, sadly only partially because it was them, (i've been so self centered lately in my thinking, its seriously weird to me) but anyway i had to leave them and although that turned out to be a good thing for reasons of personal friendships and such i really really with a good deal of my being wanted to sit down with them and hear about their lives. i barely even said hi and completely acted a fool and probably wasnt even listening to a word scott said, (which i felt bad about) but just being in their presence gave me a nice wake up to the outside world which was really just well it was like life again. and it makes me so sorry to say that especially considering the two girls i was with have made my life incredibly joyful for the past few months, but i guess i needed a view over the walls i have created.


also to illy and aimee who dont make it a habit of reading if u are offended please come talk to me about it and allow me to reassure u it had nothing to do with you, just u know its a huge part of me to see more of life and we were even talking about it tonight, with gabs and I and everyone getting bored and that whole convo about drinking and everything


have u noticed im just babbling? (classic apology fom mike coming up soon no doubt)

anyway, the point was its nice to get those quick glances from people u havent seen in a long time but always liked even if it goes completely weird and awkward its still good to leave u wondering what else does life hold? who can i bump into next and when will i see them again and blah blah blah

im sorry wuit listening to me im being pathetic and rambling like a rambling elephant or something

"you are always saying something you swear you'd never say again" thats by guster and it just happened to coincide, the second jostled point i wanted to make

is that its really hard to drop your pride sometimes, even if u have already said the same thing before, in some instances u swerve curve hint and mumble around it but still they persist and then finally u catch urself acting a fool and u still cant do it, so basically to my loves when im not making sense give me a bit of time but stay persistent and eventually i will tell u that i really just did want a little more attention and couldnt or wouldnt allow myself to admit it.

cuz "im the center of attention in the walls inside my head, and no one will ever know it if i keep my mouth shut tight tight tight." ~ guster says it best.



maybe i will babbly on to point three i been thinking of lately, and that is just what stage of enlightenment am i at really? i mean am i still on the first steps of a long journey spanning ages or am i to take the compliments of those i have loved the most and in some cases shown the least to, and assume i am well on my way, or should i just listen to my heart on a good day and know that im feeling different but evolved and more consciious or am i to take that on a bad day and feel like a hurt child with no understanding of anything and what exactly do those mean. This shit with the self centeredness for no reason do i need to take time out? where is my spirit guide and do i really have to take some drugs to find it or just wait to let the toaist wave hit me and send me a new mentor, are my eyes open enough? am i ok? am i suitable representative of decency, as in enough to allow myself to tell others what to do? isnt that gross? shouldnt i only and i mean at the most be giving suggestions or showing possible alternatives rather then demands, (not that they really take them as law, and u know that.)

argghghhh u have written a lot of bulllshit straight off the head today mike are u proud?


are u allowed to feel pride?


___its so weird on a different but always relating subject, in order to get someone to listen to advice or give a proper opinion, u have to convince the person that u understand the situation, and i do this reletively easily but more often then not when someone tries to do the same for/to me i blow it off, (obviously a sign of too much pride) but also maybe a sign that im not being honest with people and which is it? or m i just not able to explain myself and situation, and is that becuase A: i dont trust them, B: think less of them C: dont wish to burden D: cant find anything relevant that they might be able to compare with E: just think of self as SO complicated
or F just really suck at communicating and its obviously all or at elast a mix are we done yet?


where the hell is nova?

shit


get in gear mike or go watch a movie. u blew off your best friend today u know that right?

"if thats all you will be, you'll be a waste of time"




conclusion

think, read, converse, work on everything.
there u said it now fuck off

i did something i havent done in a long time yesterday, actively ignored someone, like straight up, they were talking to me and i wasn't listening on purpose, and i tried to pass it off as "oh they are drunk they wont notice and wont care, it doesnt matter they will get over it, but with each sentence the person uttered i knew it hurt more and more and i did it anyway.

thats not the only thing im not feeling good about today but i dont really know what the shit is so until further notice consider me off duty.

"dude is clearly not happy" (Thats from a sketch not me)

this may be a little late but for whomever looked up my site by name i feel real honored so three cheers to you yo


um i had a dream about this girl and then saw her today and it was good cuz nothing happened which means i dont ever have to worry really anymore, and life can go on.


and gabs says im way too paranoid lately but when was i not? i mean really

hmm im sorry for whoever is actually coming to this site, go to Ryan's he may not post a lot but at least hes talented and entertaining when he does post. i think saw like everyone i know today. Like almost just about

"North Carolina come on and raise up take your shirt off spin it around your head just like a helicopter!"

I need to get out meet some new cats, not that im bored with the ones i got, they make me happy they make me feel good, but i need to run free for a day and three nights a flight from reality. I need hallucinogens and they need me for all the wrong reasons just to mix it up


"can you put the past away?"

I had a nice talk with becky tonight which u know its been a year or two, she seemed healthy which was good, cept her ego will tear things apart, even if u make it to the 5% who can make a difference (her theory) u still gotta take out at least a percent who let their own ego keep them from being constructive however shes on a path.

I pass judgment like it was my job. I need to be knocked down a few need some drama to make me feel vulnerable stupid, need some friends who will ditch out on their own accord and i can blame myself. need a full beard and a clean shave whenever i feel the need to be dolled up. need to get dolled up more often. Need to feel attractive candle light dinners need to be more for then just myself. Need a partner, need a crime really. shake it up wake up from dreams depressed like it used to be. ooh maybe i can make my own drama. Be a (______) insert anyone here be a person. Need to be human. get a clearer vision of how things work from the inside. Need to be friends with sarah (ryan's lady) and realize that certain friendships wouldn't be healthy for me so i should stop thinking about them. as in former caretakers. a screwed up breed. stop falling for bullshit. deal with loss, deal with the constant state of self made yellow tape that holds everyone back. "i woke u up and i slit the throat of your confidence. " i like that line.


Oh I did see the first (ocd) death vision i have had in a long time, and that was sort of nice actually, cuz its like u get used to it and then they disappear, and then what are u supposed to do walls made to protect and no enemies at the gates or whatever.

Just this dude hanging by like a coat hanger in Scott N's hallway. strange that i find that comforting keep grips on my insanity. but its summer and i am to be healthy usually.


stop babbling and say something we might actually care about (thats your line)

aight i see how it is, um gabs is leaving us again and i understand, but its sad to see a friend sort of grow out of the place yall had. especially when u still love em. still let her be happy. let her get her kicks. shoo i obviously already said i wanna do the same in a sense.

um u all agree i need something to do with my life right?
good cuz honestly im just wading.

"i got mad at the cheat for screwing up the jumbles caper, I hope i dont see his name in the paper, in the obituary, cuz that would mean he's dead, the cheat is not dead, im so glad the cheat is not dead."

it had to be done

dude so aimee told me to actually post on that camping trip since i said i might, but really i'd rather comment on how my hair still smells like smoke 5 days later is that not fucked? do i have shitty shampoo or what maybe i should go with real poo.




i aint done nothin
so i taint go nothing to post bout. Know what i mean? yeah u know what i mean.

HMM i wrote a poem in my head about night time as i went to sleep at 1:20 from boredom that was stupid. and i forgot the poem. razimonkey
work in an hour.


what a cream filled pastry.

crazy like parfume on a goatolde english has updated their site. just about all of it is real good, but some are obviously more funny then others, i recommend the rap video just cuz its sweet.


often i dont have anything to say, but i know i will be mad at myself later if i dont post something new by the next time i check my site, so i post little updates like this. Plus their bandwidth really is shite and taken up quick so i figured i'd give the 4 of u ahead start.

ps, camping was interesting maybe i will post more about it later.

curtesy of kristen

call and come over, that is i mean if im home ur invited but wait till i get back

sorry to give u so much to read,
in need of a few things

for all those who came here a searching for stuff related to Titilayo Bediako, (i hope this isnt too late) but this is from nova, if u wish to help follow her suggestions.

nova writes
"Concerned friends of mine,

I have been in contact with Titi Bediako about the current situation with her
son. I asked her if she thought we should be writing to the newspapers of
Minnesota to pressure them to continue with the story and to take it more
seriously (I saw only one tiny article in the Metro/State section of the Star
Tribune last week). This was Titi's response to the suggestion:

attention. They will play on the angle that White people are also concerned
about this issue. One day, we won't have to play such games.>>

I plan to write to the Star Tribune and Pioneer Press, and any other paper
that I can think of, not necessarily as an Op/Ed piece, but to let them know
that I want this story taken seriously and covered well, not hidden in the
Metro section. And I plan to express the depth of the impact of this situation
on Minnesota, on all of our communities. If you would like to write a short
letter, adding your own flare, saying something along the same lines, it would
be much appreciated.

Writing to the Star Tribune:

(Options include a Letter to the Editor, or putting in the first line
"Submitting story idea", then direct it to section of your choice,
Metro/State, Opinion/Editorials, etc.. I think both would work)

Star Tribune
425 Portland Ave.
Minneapolis MN 55488

***

Writing to the Pioneer Press:

(Direct it to a department, i.e.. News, Minneapolis News, Editorials, etc..)
Letter to the Editor
Pioneer Press
345 Cedar Street
St. Paul, MN 55101


Please help us get the word out that we will not allow this investigation to
die out, that police brutality rooted in racism must be publicly scrutinized
and stopped. Your letter will make a difference.

Thanks. Email me with any questions or comments. Please pass this along to
anyone who you think may be interested.

~Nova Luna"

jenny sent this to me a long time ago i been meanign to post it, (i dont remember doing it so im doing it now, if i did, make me aware and i shall unpost)

"Culture Change Letter #21
The Machine versus Food-Not-Lawns
by Jan Lundberg
Sustainable Energy Institute http://www.culturechange.org
Welcome to the machine: Everytown, USA. When we walk down the streets of our cities, the right angles and blocks that we navigate are part of our mechanical domestication. Control over each human and over nature is what dominant society intends every second, even over centuries. This is just as a machine is supposed to do: control a process as long as it can function. Machine parts and products are preformulated objects of uniformity, and so are our towns--despite the unique restaurant or cute house.
The surfaces of the towns and cities are of industrial material; even lawns are biological pavement soaked with Chevron "lawn care" designed to kill those pesky (but edible and beautiful) dandelions. Most pavement and roofing material is asphalt from the dregs of oil refining--a machine product.
The Earth, meanwhile, is something to be sucked dry, as the oil and water are exploited for profit and population growth. The rain is not to be soaked into the soil, but run off elsewhere, washing "away" the poison dusts and fluids, rendering the nearest bodies of water unfit (aside from the sewage) for providing shellfish, for example, as sustenance.
Alvin Toffler pointed out in The Third Wave that our clocks and watches that became universal in recent history were part of our mechanization. (Off went my watch from my wrist permanently.) "Time Pollution" was an unusual article in the Auto-Free Times, several years ago, on the distortion of time-keeping that warps our social existence.
Human beings are not machines, but you wouldn't know it by the flow of commuters doing the same thing day in day out, year after year, as they stifle their spirits and bring on their early demise with cancer and heart disease. Instead of a tree or a rock to touch as we may make our way on a trail, we hold a steel rail that was manufactured by machines. As the worker or shopper holds that rail, performing the duty of getting from point A to B, the hand and rail become united and integrated as parts of the city machine.
We don't have to live like this. Some live pleasantly in opposition as they create an alternative, while others confront the system in various ways, usually in painful and perhaps vain fashion. It is now our role in history to put history to bed. History is the record of domination and manipulation, and the dominant civilization has been holding it up for almost 10,000 years as the culmination of the "top" life form's work--as if living were not sufficient, and becoming the scourge of the universe was the only worthwhile way of the culture. Our generation seems fated to get humanity back on a path of truth and justice, as just another creature among countless others. Humility can thus triumph over pride and power.
Maybe we don't have to throw the baby out with the bathwater, by stopping writing and printing, but the question must always be: what is sustainable? Do we have to assure the possibility of another Shakespeare-level writer for the masses, using technologies to disseminate "the finest" art and propaganda? Or will we give it up for the way of the Iroquois Nation which eschewed technology and growth, for the sake of the welfare of always seven generations hence?
The purpose of the city machine, or any machine, is to do a great amount of work with exosomatic--usually fossil fuel--energy, using less human or animal energy. The purpose of the energy-application is to create surpluses. The surpluses have been throughout history for the purpose of expansion of the territory or empire, and for the expansion of the personal fortunes of society's dominators.
A home environment, and more so the typical work environment, consists of artificial objects and surfaces that circulate microscopic molecules, unseen, that we breathe and swallow. Most of these are some petroleum compound, and you don't want to smell the factories making these things. What, am I against jobs? Today's cancer victims and their families would have to question the false security that the Pollution Economy, alias the Growth Economy, has wrought. Cancer and heart attacks used to be rare, before industrial, urban living became the norm.
We don't have to pick on the USA for a good glimpse of industrial living that has turned people into machines. The foremost progenitor of machinelike social institutions is (to read remainder of article, see
http://www.culturechange.org/e-letter-21cont.html#cont) "

humid lack of senses purpose or entertainment seeking

dreaming of rockstarness

wish for random wake up call, who needs sleep when life is as such

I dont really have anything to say lately, lots of drama but im too involved to talk, I keep getting in these sober somber moods, I should right a poem or song about that, but instead I just kind of sit and stare at stuff in a somewhat gloomy anticipation of whatever will come.

but that's cool.

yeah so I did go to Morris the other day and registered and shit and that's cool. Nice to spend sometime with Kristen and Danny and listen to good music, on a nice day, but I think I was worried I was being overly talkative as if to say "im not comfortable and im breaking the silence for that." So I didn't talk much later.

Aimee is back from Montana and she had a good time, im rather excited to see her.

All these girls who I love, and cant do anything about it, and then at the end of the night im glad nothing did happen cuz I should be satisfied with what I have cuz its tremendous and beautiful.

I have definitely become more preachy again. bleed that out of me. people kept asking no more making them dependent, its unhealthy and abusive. (which brings them closer)

its really nice to know that i can still drop any sort of stupidity like horndoggedness when its in need of beng dropped.

as in ladies, if im falling all over u in love in a that sort of way, tell me something serious and all my energy will be refocused to a way that might be more comfortable to deal with.

not that i flirt all the time or anything, but when i do, if its unwanted, press the button (ask or tell me something) and its a whole new game.

romeo and juliet the new version, honestly one of the best movies ever

One day the young innocent, extremely polite, somewhat ignorant in a good way, beautiful kid who somehow respected my opinion and considered me a friend though we had never hung out brought a balloon to the bus stop. and asked me if i thought the girl would like it. I tried to help, and hoped with every molecule i considered mine that it would be enough. That she would love him and he her. But walking home that day he had his head down.

shit i had this post that compared christ and buddha and radiohead and that vicworld's death thing as well as my earlier statements on communication. and now its fucked. would have been decent but the damn thing died.
oh well another day

sweet

it'd be nice to meet someone who knew me. like for real yo, i mean im sure i wouldnt accept the fact that they really knew me but thats ok, as long as they gave me some advice that i could secretly look into.
im not in anyway saying that im so complex no one can understand me, err like i alone, i figure we are all so complex. just kinda wish i could meet someone smarter then us i guess. something like that, oh well back to the drawing board

oh sorry for not having anything profound or beautiful lately, yall will just have to twiddle your thumbs some more or something.

michael a is back in town, lots of cats to see man. im really not feeling this registration thing on thursday.
tim i dont know if u been reading lately but eh, im done with ur book, maybe hand it off to kristen tomorrow or the next day.

hmm, radiohead is good. heard some at a coffeehouse, brought all my cds in here to listen to. good times

a thing i dislike very much, and i know i have talked about this before, but its like u can say "the words are the worlds i sailed upon" (a phish quote) u can say that all you want but its never enough, i mean the words arent. They are never enough to exress anything real, never a true feeling or thought. Never how much a person means to you, or the beauty of a thing, or even worse the essence of something. Its just bullshit, true enlightenment is just direct communication with the world. so why arent the fucken scientists and everyone else working on that. lets get enlightened. lets be lets quit spending moments trying and just do it. no more bullshit no?

fuck this noise. damnit it still doesnt work. fuck oh well, more babble expect it. and i think im doin better so illy is a goddess.

and after that crazy evil dream i had about highschool, i had another one the next night almost exactly the same only everything was much more calm and i think it ad everything to do with the fact tim and kristen came over and gave me some suggestions for classes to take so thank yall you too are elevated to new heights. and why is height spelled with an e seriously its not even a good language.

i need a picture, im actually ot pissed at all right now im pretty damn good, except i have energy and energy needs expression and lack of expression leads to frustration so sometimes im frustrated.

good luck to all the graduates and the fucken kids who are taking a summer break from highschool after tomorrow. cuz college maybe be "harder" but college woul be incredible shit if ya hadnt gone though the hell of highschool and the somehow worse jr high.

so yall are doin sweet.

peace and love,
"i just dont know what to do with myself!!" ~ whitestripes doing some burt bacharach

shoo they wouldnt let me post this morning so done commented like a motha

then i had some dreams and missed illy's party. feelin shitty for that.
i had a nightmare about highschool, only it wasnt very highschool like, much more volatile, and in another dream i married allison w as a joke but everyone thought we were serious.

life be strange.

well my mom is married, the family is now 6 men 1 woman, steve is drunk, james is with nova i think, and uh i got a lot of people home safely.

sorry to anyone i ditched out on at the party just, the sobs man has responsibilities including making up for drunken friends selling "sober cabs" cups to let them drink to the point where they puke and need me to drive them home and walk the mile and a half back to the party, but thats coo.
(i like how just about no one at the party reads this)

"and the feeling coming from my bones, says find a home."

my mother is getting married today, i have yet to figure out what that means, other then that great number of cats living in my house now, and the fact that grandma mae an extra trip into town from cali. As for that quote obviously from a sweet song, so no need to even justify, howeva i think my mom has had that feeling for a long time and maybe now it will actualy be.

too much dependency, but its the way we be.
also for future notice, i think you're keen. (winks)

highschool has gotten out of hand. Steve was showing me the year book, in the back where they have the student index or whatever, the staff snuck in "Ivan, A. on page 69" as in ivan a 69, page 420 has Bus, Canni. OUR staff never would have had the "whatevas" to sneak that in. They got away with fake day 1 t shirts on day 69, and all of them are individualized with fancy drug and sex references and nick names. And they wear the shit in school. Either we werent ballsy enough, or the administration is shite now, cuz u know it aint cuz we were more mature.

is it just me, or did charles start a blog?

those are two links to the same thing.

but then he stopped, i dont get it, i mean thats like gettin us hooked and then not bringing us in for the catch and release (mutilating a million fish a year) fun times. "its doesnt hurt them" right (sarcasm)

anyway. i been watching dvds and reading this book tim let me borrow about this cattle rancher guy who became vegan after seeing all the damage feedlots and the basic human carnivore phase has brought to the earth. Im actually quite enjoying it, i mean in the sense that there is lots of info and the human side of getting to hear this dudes life story, yet still i had chicken at dinner. what a trash can i am.

and now to end it some words from a mixed veggies (from wet hot american summer)
"look gene, ive never told anyone this before, but i can suck my own dick, and i do it, a lot. There I said it, I was honest and you know what Gene being honest makes you feel better."

from nova luna

"Hey my loved ones,

I am forwarding this because how tragic and close to home this is. I received
this article from my former 6th grade teacher, who I will be interning with
this summer at the We Win Institute. Titilayo Bediako is one of the most
amazing influences on my life, taught me so much about who I am and who I want
to become. She is an amazing teacher and mother. This is devistating to our
city, our country.

Hope all is well.

mucho amor,

Nova Luna
>===== Original Message From TBediako@aol.com =====
Dear Friends:

I have enclosed a copy of an article that I have written about the beating
that my son took from the Minneapolis police. I would appreciate it if you
could get the article to as many people as possible. If this kind of violence
against our
children and community is going to stop, we must make it stop.

I intentionally left my son's name out of the article for those who would do
him harm.

I put a short bio on myself so the newspaper would know something about me.

Thank you for your support

Sincerly,

Titilayo

______________
Titilayo Bediako

Titilayo Bediako is a teacher extraordinaire.
When she came to the Minneapolis Public Schools in 1991 she brought the African American holiday of Kwanzaa with her. Amongst her credits include runner up for Teacher of the year, Outstanding Black Teacher, awarded by the Minneapolis Black Principals’ Association. She was awarded The Council of the Great City Schools National Urban Education Teacher Recognition Aware by the Council of the Great City Schools; Ms. Bediako was awarded the Martin Luther King award. She also was awarded the Minneapolis Award and she is the 2002 recipient of the National Trensholm Award from the National Education Association (NEA) which is awarded to only two educators in the United States. This fall she recognized by the Minneapolis Public School Board and given a certificate of Excellence for her work with children. Titilayo Bediako is the founder and executive director of WE WIN Institute, Inc.


Every Mother’s Nightmare
By Titilayo Bediako

Every mother who has a Black son, worst nightmare is that her child will have an altercation with the police. This terrifying experience happened for my son on Friday, May 30th on the northside of Minneapolis.

My son is a fourteen year old who takes great pride in the way he dresses. On Friday, he wore white shorts, a blue shirt and blue dew rag, covered by a white visor, and blue tennis shoes. He is graduating from eighth grade and has passed the Minnesota Basic Standards Test and Math and Reading. He does not do drugs and is not in a gang. He has aspirations to be an airline pilot; he loves sports, math and playing chess.

As my son and his friend were leaving the corner store on Penn and Golden Valley Road, they were greeted at the door by a police officer on a bicycle. Two other Black male youth were walking outside the store behind my son and his friend. The officer told all four boys to put their hands up against the wall.

Since my son was ten years old, I have had to unfortunately teach him that he does not have the same rights as other citizens because he is a Black male. I have told him if the police ever stop him, to say as little as possible, do what they tell him to and to never ever talk back to them. There are too many horror stories where Black male youth have come up dead, missing, or extremely hurt by one wrong word to the police.

As the officer tells my son and the other boys to hold up the wall with their hands, the white male police officer comes up to my son and commands him to pull out his wallet. As he reaches for his pocket to find his wallet, the officer punches him in the face, grabs both of his arms with one hand and grabs him by the neck with his other hand and begins to chock my son. Quickly and fiercely, the officer throws him to the ground. Then the officer begins to kick my son in the stomach and legs. He took his fist and punched him in his face several times. The police officer took out his handcuffs and cuffed him so tightly that scars were left on his wrists. The “protector of the community” grabs my son’s wallet out of his pocket and slaps him in the face with it.



The officer proceeds to make a bizarre statement to my son, “Why aren’t you following my instructions?” My son responds, “Sorry sir, I was getting my wallet out like you told me.” “No, I didn’t,” snorted the officer, “It makes me very angry when people don’t follow my instruction.” The police officer began going through my son’s pocket and then he takes off my son’s shoes, looking for drugs. He tells my fourteen year old, “I’ve seen you before, and I know you have drugs.” He phones in my son’s name to the central office to verify the police record that this Black boy must have because this officer “knew” him.

“Why are you here?” the officer demanded to know from my son. My son replied, “My friend and I were buying candy from the store.” “Where do you live?” the officer retorted, “South Minneapolis,” he quickly commented. In another bizarre twist the officer said,” Have you ever been on 38th and Chicago Avenue?” My son said, “Yes sir.” The officer continues to say, “This spot (Penn and Golden Valley Road) is just like being over there. People get in trouble over here all the time, just like over there. When you wear rags on your head it makes you a suspect.”

The officer’s phone begins to ring. He is told that my son does not have a police record. To add insult to injury, the officer says to my son, “Are you ever going to get in trouble like this again?” He says, “No sir.” The other officer standing next to the assaulting police comments, “He’s lying.” They take the handcuffs off my son and tell him he can go. They let my son know that they are doing him a favor by letting him go.

Imagine how terrified I am when my son calls and informs me that he has been beaten by the police. As I pick him up from his friend’s house on 16th and Penn, tears come to my eyes as I see how they have scared and bloodied his face. As we drive down Plymouth Avenue, we pass the police station. I stop and have my son come with me so that the officer in charge can see what their people have done to my son. When I tried to get in, the door was locked. It wasn’t until an elderly African American man came out of the building could we go into the police station. I asked to speak to the officer in charge. As my son explains to Sergeant Young, who was in charge, what happened to him, the sergeant looks at me and says, “Well it wasn’t one of my guys. Those guys on bikes are in another unit downstairs and they are closed for the night. You have three choices, 1) report to the supervisor downstairs tomorrow, 2) call internal affairs, or 3) call CRA.” I say in an upset tone, “I can’t make a report?” In a very nasty tone he said, “No.” Feeling very emotional, I say, “What use are you if I cannot report a crime when it happens?” The lead officer looks at me and says, “Get your ass out of my house!” I look at him and say, “The police station is your house?” He says, “You damn right, get out.”


This experience is reminiscent of slavery days, when the “master” beat and maimed African Americans for no other reason than they “looked” like they might be doing something wrong. So many mothers teach our son’s to be respectful, do their best, and stay out of trouble; my son gets beat up by the police for no other reason than the police have the power to do so. This incident did not happen at night, it happened at 6:00 p.m. The sun was shining and it was a bright day. How have the police come to feel so comfortable to beat up on our children without fear of reprisal?

My son comes from a long line of social activists. You can imagine how appalled his grandfather, Matthew Little was, who has worked for the human and civil rights of African Americans and all citizens for the last sixty years. My son’s grandfather has been in the forefront in creating the NAACP in Minneapolis, he helped organize the March on Washington in 1963, he took the leadership in the desegregation of the schools in Minneapolis, worked with city officials to assure that there was diversity and promotions for people of color in the police and fire departments. Matthew Little has received many accolades and honors for his work to assure that Minneapolis guarantees rights for all of its citizens. Yet through all his years of work and sacrifice, his grandson is profiled and beaten up just because he is an African American male.

Citizens in Minneapolis are bombarded with images on the news of African American youth, stealing, killing, doing drugs, joining gangs and creating havoc. We are given the impression that these youth represent most African American teenagers in our city. It is highlighted to the point that the police department has declared war against our children. What is even scarier is that we as citizens have given them the green light to do so. It is true that some of our youth do bad things, but that is true of all youth, not just African Americans.
The vast majority of African American youth are going to school, looking for summer jobs and activities that will keep them engaged this summer. Our children need our leadership and direction, not whippings from adults. If I were to beat on my son like the police did, I would be arrested and probably given prison time. A police officer can hurt my son, and it is alright because it was a Black boy that he beat.

We as citizens need to understand that what happens to one of our children, no matter what his or her race or culture is, is an assault on all of our children. Until the police learn how to talk to, treat and relate to our children and our community, the kinds of negativity that we abhor will continue and escalate. We need officers that come from our community’s and have genuine relationships with our citizens. Police officers need training on how to work with and talk to our people. We are no longer slaves. African Americans deserve respect just as all citizens do.


When the police station was erected on Plymouth Avenue, it was sold as a tool to better serve the African American community and that it would assist in keeping the northside safe. What happened? The police station is locked down, as if the officers are afraid of the citizens in the community that they are suppose to serve. When citizen are disrespected by the police, how can the police expect citizens to be respectful of them? The police on Plymouth Avenue need to unlock their doors, get out among the citizens, get to know them, and become part of the community, not a separate entity that is in isolation from and does not work with the community. To make north Minneapolis strong and viable the police must work with the community to create common solutions for the northside.

Citizens of Minneapolis must let the police know that beating our children will not be tolerated. An assault on our children is an assault on our entire community. Force must not be permitted by the police unless it is absolutely necessary. It is not the job of the police to determine the punishment of any of its citizens; that is the job of the courts. If the police break the law, they must be prosecuted and treated like any other criminal.

My son’s physical scars will heal. The worst scars that he has are psychological. With each punch to my son’s face, the police officer on the bike taught my son that the police are not his friend. When the officer kicked my son in the stomach he taught my son that the police are part of the “thugs” on the street. And with the officer making assumptions about my son based on his dress, he sent the message that if you are a Black male, that the police are against you and that they will attack. This must change. It will only change when we as citizens demand that it change. If our tax dollars continue to support the police, the police must support and protect all of its citizens.

"taj, i learned long ago that worrying is like a rocking chair, gives you something to do, but it doesnt get you anywhere." ~van Wilder

somehow the cd in my player keeps switching between ok computer and downward is heavenward by hum, i dont know how this happens, and i dont so much mind it, its just that u turn on the cd player expecting to hear one, and the other is on, and u say to yourself "what the fuck?" cuz no one else in ur family would listen to either. So it must've been you, but u have no idea when, and thats just loco.

"The word that i heard was so absurd
I can't believe it slipped from my lips

The tongue from which it was sung was so dumb
I wish to pull it from my skull

What the fuck was I thinking" ~311

thats in regards to a situation today, and this is too, but also to the other people i been talking to lately. Um seriously i have been using this "we" thing when ever i want to tell someone something. And its seriously bullshit man, like yall know i talk to cats about just about everything, and i do take peoples suggestions and ideas to back up my own, but whenever im not feeling vert confident i will resort to this "we think this_____ "or we feel that_____" and thats shit, its just me being too stupid to be honest with what im thinking or feeling and i hope yall will call me on that shit (like a few of you have been) cuz thats good, so to jv hw ik sorry and thanks (not that any of em read this, but i will tell em personally) and to the rest of yall im sorry kick my ass net time u see me.

i dont tend to lead people on in conversations neraly as much as i used to. A few years ago when i wanted to make a point to someone, i'd often just keep asking them questions to see if they would come to the same sort of conclusions. I wonder when that changed. Now i tend to just snap or shut up. My patience must have gone down mucho.