The mountain (inspired by Bernice Johnson Reagon. and everyone I have met, but especially Becky Illy and Aimee for all of our concerns)

Sometimes, forgetting
that the mountain is me
I jump off
falling I find my freedom
ignore pleas
and hands that reach for me
and when I hit
I hit hard
and roll down a few more steps

Sometimes, forgetting
that the mountain is you
I climb up
repressing feelings
losing my balance
I stumble some more
create my own fiction
fantasies
that I can climb alone

Sometimes, forgetting
that the mountain is us
I pass by lost people
ignore pleas for help
and blind my self
with shades
to create haze
around our inadequacies
in this way I say I am an individual

Sometimes, forgetting
that the mountain is our history
I confess
but do not consider
myself a part of the reoccurring
culture that inhibits
others to feel grounded
in the knowledge
that they are a valued part and surrounded
by our mountain

I woke up with this in my head(the spacing will probably be all mixed up)


ADDICTION


Business shirts sleeves rolled back
gestures normally not so revealing

our gaze falling centered on....
those old hippopotamus arms...
Those old hypo-potomus fillings
those old hypodermic seasons
from old hypodermic needles
treason that triggers
the triggers that treason
treason that triggers
the scraping off of memories
new daggers cutting throat as the void is filled with desire
unconscious reaching for that smoke
longing isn’t the word for contemplation of a reason
security, vision, clarity
“it’s me” he says Pleading for understanding and we try to understand why?
Why?
Why

revision isn’t an option
selling soul for new derision every time
to come adjacent to the higher calling
sampling the atmosphere
fear is not the case
stop signs don’t project the limits
when god is in your face

in your face with smiles that hang about
sincere for every moment
a friend at every moment
a purpose of every moment
just a moment
before your ripped and torn from unity
from chasing feelings kept inside
follow lack impunity
screaming sometimes
prison sometimes

new jobs to fill the time
the void,
the boredom of not having a mission
uninspired
the depression of not having a vision
no hope
the anxiety of not knowing your welcome
its just fear
the instance of knowing your not!
your not.....

too much to take
he didnt sign up for that
a few months to kill till he can function
a few months to tread till he can stand
a few months to feel this compunction
a few months till serenity
reaches out for his hand

so i have three jobs so far this summer with about 28 hours total, adding up to maybe $300
so im open except on tuesdays if anyone has any thoughts

tim phillip's (i forgot all the words to this but maybe tim will comment and tell me)

"flag burning"

one more, for the ones who
dying ones who
lost their lives

one more for the ones who
starving ones who
suffered life

"too bad" we think, but now
we choose if they get by

one more, for the ones who
dying ones who
lost their lives

one more for the ones who
starving ones who
suffered life

"too bad" we think, but now
we choose if they get by

one more for the ones who
(guilty) ones who
do not share

one more for the ones who
wealthy ones who
must not care

update, maybe an hour later, the acid reflux refluxed, it hurts my throat...

apparently according to studies the drug i take for acid reflux can increase blood alchol levels by as much as 38 percent in social (non binge)drinkers. i dint take any tonight but i wonder...

so i definitely talked too soon on that post yesterday, its funny cuz two mixed drinks from the bar and a warm up drink and im fine, a taste or two or the silver wolf (cheap plastic handle vod) and im feeling it. my stomach isnt made for alcohol, considering the acid reflux, they woke me up writing something about "balls" on my hand (i was asleep head on crossed arms at the table) and i decided "man i should go to sleep, but before i go to sleep, i should go to the bathroom, cuz i have a weak bladder" and when i got there i spent a minute looking down and maintaing my balance, and then i decided it might be best to sit down on the floor just in case, and then saliva filled my mouth and i kept thinking about the taste of cheap vod mixed with coke and tahitian treat and then i knew it was too late... but i feel a bit better now, i seem to be typing fine, just worried this water is gonna make it worse. hopefully now that i have officially been drunk, i dont have to be all excited about the possibility anymore. my stomach is just weak as shit.


also jazz fest, and the common cup super sweet.

does rantadine mix badly with alcohol?

an email from james
"Last night was my friend Aaron's birthday (as well as Susie and Bert's birthday). I joined some of my coworkers at the Town Hall Brewery in MInneapolis to celebrate. It was there that I had a breathtaking brush with fame.

Aaron brought over two of his friends. At first I was unimpressed, then he dropped the bombshell. These two amazing women were part of the team that designed and produced Oregon Trail and Numbermunchers! They were there, deciding who got dysentery and whether or not the boat crashed. They helped create those cute little guys that hopped from 14 to 21 to 28 and other multiples of 7, they were there!

We asked them many questions, and learned that intense research had gone into the projects. They had studied what kinds of animals went to what kinds of locations, and how much a hunter could carry, that is why even if you shot like 27 bears you could only carry 108 pounds or whatever. They looked at the odds of crashing your boat if you tried to fjord the river and they were in charge of poor timmy always drowning.

We traded stories for a few minutes, and then Kate and I asked for their autographs, they declined and looked embarressed. I am guessing that they get so many requests they have carpal tunnel, or are sick of their names appearing on items on ebay.

But despite the fact that I didn't get an signiture, I will forever treasure meeting two legends of my childhood, who helped me bridge the gap and become a man.

Just wanted to share that with yall.

jim"

sometimes i wish i could get drunk, which is funny cuz i spent so many years avoiding it still my tolerance seems pretty aight. maybe its all the "girly" drinks i drink. now that i drink once a month. maybe twice...

the whole night tonight i felt like a fuckin immature tag along and at first when i noticed i felt really embarassed but later i just sort of tried to enjoy it, made me realize i have been way too comfortable in life and i need more uncomfortablility... i also need to stop making stupid jokes, come backs and perverted comments yes thats the ticket

the tango maureen

Just listening to that song right now...

"pookie"

so i been trying to finish this paper for my indigenous peoples of the world paper since like spring break. i wrote 2 pages of bullet point notes and since then i have probably like doubled the amount. Its supposed to be 9-12 pages and i dont think that will be a problem but one of the reasons its taking so long is because im making two arguments and at times both make sense and at other time one or neither does. My basic claim is that because syria is controlling Lebanon right now and the lebanese people are protesting for their right to self govern that makes them as a whole indigenous. (as in peoples from a land who have the right to self rule and are being denied it, along with every other connotation)
the second argument is that the maronite christians of lebanon are the indigenous peoples of the area and deserve special treatment. how does this work?
i have lots of evidence for both, but if my teacher doesnt buy it then maybe i lose all credit or have to start over and having skimmed three books and reading probably 50 websites on the topic starting over seems rough. whats funny is there is so much info that says exactly what i want but all of it is from non credible sources so i cant use them. like wikipedia states blatantly that the maronites are indigenous yet its a fake encyclopedia... with real info.