i havenae been home in a while, im supposed to let my mom borrow my car thursday for like the day, i dunno how thts gonna work, petes been in town so i been on the west side, (park) his sister is getting married on friday and then he leaves on sunday. its been pretty fun. hmmm i came home to clean out and wash my car and since i got here my motivation to do that has been plummeting. i need to put air in my tires and figure out why im spending so much and how to stop that. consumer i am, and yeah i tend to supersize. lets see, anything else, nova luna is going to south africa on thursday to have an amazing experiance and good time. i feel like i been really hard on jmes and hes been trying to be really nice to me. and steve may or may not have finished cleaning up our room/moving in. alsostuff

"Walking in Space" from hair

Doors locked (doors locked)
Blinds pulled (blinds pulled)
Lights low (lights low)
Flames high (flames high)
My body (my body)
My body
My body (my body)
My body
My body
Is walking in space
My soul is in orbit
With God face to face
Floating, flipping
Flying, tripping
Tripping from Potsville to Starlight
Tripping from Starlight to Moonville
On a rocket to
The Fourth Dimension
Total self awareness
The intention
My mind is as clear as country air
I feel my flesh, all colors mesh
Red black
Blue brown
Yellow crimson
Green orange
Purple pink
Violet white
White white
White white
White white
All the clouds are cumuloft
Walking in space
Oh my God your skin is soft
I love your face
How dare they try to end this beauty?
How dare they try to end this beauty?
To keep us under foot
They bury us in soot
Pretending it's a chore
To ship us off to war
In this dive
We rediscover sensation
In this dive
We rediscover sensation
Walking in space
We find the purpose of peace
The beauty of life
You can no longer hide
Our eyes are open
Our eyes are open
Our eyes are open
Our eyes are open
Wide wide wide!

new links pleasure pause got a new wab page that i wasnt aware of, 7 days remain as well and i added another kid who's blog i read regularly like "ben"
also i fixed the light show link even though kristen didnt make it sound all that hopeful that they will play again
i have ot heard from mat joel or brendan.

How come no one ever commented on my kayak joke? that was comedy. ya could at least have made a point (like i forgot to) about "Eskimo" being a derogative term. (spelling?)

um im still fully aware that i havent commented on that last comment on the anthem thing, i was writing one and i had to restart my comp. i may write it again tonight, or possibly tomorrow. im amazed how people dont see the hypocrisy between praising a song because it mentions freedom (of speech) and making fun of or saying its un-patriotic to use it. but I suppose we have that everywhere.

"Back to the land of the police man
Where he does whatever he says he can
Including hating you because you're a Jew
Or beating black ass, that's nothing new
Trigger happy cops, they just like to brawl
They use guns, clubs, gas, but that's not all
They got puke, ridden prisons and sex sick jails
Fuck the poor, if you're rich you pay the bail
So support your police, support your local wars
That's the way to open economic doors
Why do we do it? 'Cause the president's a whore
We assume the position to sell the ammunition
What the fuck? It's the american tradition
Along with going fishin' apple pies in the kitchen
Isn't it bitchin' seeing dead men in ditches?"
~~ chili peppers from "green heaven"

hmmm i need to stop waking up at 6-9 in the morning that just not like me. stupid sun. anyway it allowed me to get some drawing and musica listening done. the real problem is now im awake and i have niothing to do and smart people dont wake up for another few hours.

download
jack johnson "gone"
2 skinny js "bbq"
311 anything
cirque do soleil "alegria" original and the remix


probably more these are all old but good

sorry to drag anyone into that last thing, kinda hard. very frustrating. gabs should be home that will be good. me and becky been talking a lot about learning things, err learning disabilities, learning behaviors, learning methods, theories, choices, histories. she is taking a class on child developement. i'll probably have to talke that class if not i should...

so that whole last thing happened from steves graduation, we are so old. everyone is, too old and not acting our ages.

so lemme go over the rest of the weekend for ya, lets see power outage mixed with thunderstorm and carbon monoxide filling up our building, meaning evacuation into thunderstorm by police escort, oh plus cold showers due to lack of water heater (power outage) this one girl going somewhat crazy due to her being a little crazy her complaing loudly to everyone. um light bulbs that pop out and break all over becky's room into her clothes so we cant tell what she can wear and what she cant. uh severe cramps (from the female perspective) uh tornado warnings when we try to go out, becky's horse is covered with mosquitos due to the humidity. uh bad movies that were entertaining (timeline, and dragonfly) uh stepfords wives was pretty interesting and funny, much social commentary in very odd way. uh i dunno this thing with mi hermano, more....

probably both of us spending too much money.

i havent told zach and pete i probably wont be going with them this next weekend.

I dont like the national anthem, i dont intend to stand for it anymore, and though i say this each time (i again chickened out today) i decided i might write something about it, and why i dont like it. furthermore i plan to do a piece of art discussing why i think its more patriotic to sit rather than stand.

"Complete version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" showing spelling and punctuation from Francis Scott Key's manuscript in the Maryland Historical Society collection.

O say can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight
O'er the ramparts we watch'd were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bomb bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there,
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream,
'Tis the star-spangled banner - O long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore,
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a Country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footstep's pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O thus be it ever when freemen shall stand
Between their lov'd home and the war's desolation!
Blest with vict'ry and peace may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the power that hath made and preserv'd us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto - "In God is our trust,"
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave. " taken from the website.

reason number one: the song/poem is abotu a war, not only do i not like war but i think most of the wars we have fought in this country arent worth praising including the current one.

Second: its not even about the revolution did ya know that? its about the war of 1812 and it wasnt made the national anthem till the 1930s so fuck it.

third: the banner or flag is a symbol and i dont think we should praise symbols, we should look to them and understand their purpose but like jurewitz use to say in world religions class "praising/worshipping a symbol is like looking at a statue that is pointing at something and never looking at what its pointing at." (hopefully that was close enough) and that is us being stupid

fourth: i do think we should love freedom, but thats not what we are doing, and being mad at someone who uses their freedom to not follow blindly, but rather question at what cost we keep our freedom (if even that) is ridiculous and hypocritical.

lastly: the first verse or "our anthem" end with the lines
"O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?"
and i ask does it? has it ever? and is it right to keep pretending that this is the land of the free and the home of the brave? my answer is no, that doesnt help, its turning a blind eye to the injustice, its praising the oposite of the ideals we boldly state we stand for. so fuck standing.. maybe next time i will have the guts to be a real patriot.

i need to leave my house why does everyone have something to do but I? why do the things i have to do suck like getting bricks? who gets bricks? fuck bricks fuck them and their stupid brickasses.

nadadadadadaa my grama comes today yippee I mean oh joy
me and my grama arent always on the same page, sometimes we are awake at the same time sometimes she buys me things sometimes i try to be nice to her, but more out of respect for what could have been or what could be with my grama not out of a special connection we share.

wheres your head at? its oo hot, my brain cant function and it makes me sleepy like
im probably gonna wake up dead tomorrow and they will find out i had a fever all night and that it was a million plus degrees inside my head and my blood suffocated me while it was boiling hence yall have fun peace and love

"it's on the roof of my mouth
i'm gonna bark the words
on the roof of my mouth
kicking in these windows"

thas an at the drive in quote i dont have much to say but everyone is getting all sharp on my ass everytime i dont post nothin and im getting all sharp on some other kids asses for being lazy as well. the problem is i sleep all day and do shite all night, might have a job soon at a pizza place will update ya on that. gabs comes home in a week. Illy is gone in chicago aimee if searching for a jizzzob becky is working her behind off at morris coming home in a couple weeks and pete gets in town on 17th

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank. This proves once and for all that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

I got an A in this class even though i didnt do half the work

Raising Awareness: A Male Perspective
In the course of this women studies class several things have become quite clear, one of them being that women, in their struggle to overcome the circumstances that have oppressed them, have had to educate themselves about the situation they are in. For some this has meant years studying law and politics in order to get suffrage, for others this has meant the use and legal distribution of birth control and the legalization of abortion as a means to keep women from being “held down” by children and family responsibilities that have been traditionally assigned to women. These struggles and more have led to an increase in society’s understanding of several “women’s” issues, but is this limited understanding enough? In my last paper I described double binds the dominant power places on women to keep them from taking their rightful power, and concluded by saying that in some way these women and other subordinate classes would need to unite against the dominant power in order to overcome the oppression. I also briefly mentioned how this task would be made much easier if the dominant power were made to see the oppression and then hopefully act against it. In this way the divide and conquer scheme used against women would be turned on the dominant power and men would be struggling against men, breaking what may be perceived as a united male front. In the same way education was used to help women see the situation affecting them, I believe education will be the key tool allowing men to see the oppression they cause.
I decided to write about furthering men’s understanding of women studies through education and analysis even though it does not specifically relate to women, because I am a male feminist, and in my quest to understand feminism I have had to confront my own beliefs and the learned behaviors I have been socialized with. This experience has left me more passionate than ever, but has also left me wondering what I can do in a setting where feminists consistently call on women to pull themselves up. Where do I, a male feminist, fit in? How do we as men help when helping could mean bringing about another set of oppressive circumstances? I take my cues about educating men from other male feminists. Michael Kimmel, Allan Johnson, R.W. Connell and many more educate from the male perspective seemingly to bring about a smoother transition, an understanding and supportive back up role, stepping back to allow women their natural choice. This may come at what some may feel to be a cost to men, the cost being their traditional privileged ignorance and the power they obtain from it. These privileges however, when looked at from a feminist stand point, seem more detrimental for both sexes rather than helpful. To see this we must first discuss the means by which this position of male superiority is passed on. Then, in order to further understand its effects, we must take an in depth look at how pervasive it is in our society and only then can we discuss the means by which we can hopefully overcome it.
Male superiority through patriarchy has been ingrained in our society through the process of socialization. Patriarchy at this point seems more than just learned, but maybe by breaking down some history and common misconceptions this veil can be lifted to reveal that it is socialization through all major institutions in our society that passes on the belief of patriarchy being “right.” Allan Johnson in “The Mystery of How We Got Here” describes the rise of patriarchy by means of men needing to control their surroundings. He describes the concept of control giving rise to patriarchy. The concept of control may come from the dawn of agriculture and the beginning of surplus food, and thus wealth, or as other authors point out, control may have existed before this in the form of violence against women in the cave-“man” stages or through the development of herding which would see animal, and later human, offspring as wealth to be controlled rather than praised. Still, going with the concept of control, one can see how hoarding wealth could bring about a need for strength, independence and violence in bringing about an authoritative position. Men acknowledging this might see how assigning women traits that would not conflict with this would be gaining an advantage over them. Women had at this point already been honored for fertility, motherhood, the bringing of life. In this they would be quite vulnerable to also being assigned the nurturing, care taker role to bring up that life, which would leave them far from the sphere of politics, power and wealth, a position that seems to persist today. If we continue with this model and assume that overtime both sexes learn to see it as natural through socialization, we can see how patriarchy could continue to thrive. It is with this that Aristotle, Aquinas, and many men throughout history rule women inferior. By restricting them from public life, women take a back seat in that which society deems important. How can women be important in a society in which they are not participants?
One can still find the quite prominent remnants of this restrictive patriarchal system in today’s society. As we have seen from class discussions women are still in many cases expected to get married young, be dependent on their husbands, and give up their lives for their families, where as men still stand tall in the public sphere. A clear example from the media of women being given a back seat on public issues is the attention paid to Hollywood actresses. They are shown in the public light but the focus remains on their looks and dating habits, and though this is often times the same for men, focus is often shifted towards their careers, thoughts and expectations towards projects they are working on. To Brad Pitt the question will be asked “What impact does the violence of films like Fight Club and Snatch have on your audience?” His wife Jennifer Aniston will be asked, “What are you wearing?” and “When can we expect children?” This system is taught to our young. Little boys play with trucks, robots, action figures, and toys to help them develop their imagination on a world level, if not a universal level with alien and spacecraft toys. Girls, however, are taught to play with Barbie and Ken, a couple at their dream house with make-up, fake baby dolls, and little baking kits to supplement. These same characteristics are taught and re-taught, reinforced as we grow, so that by the time the young boys become men they are thinking about making it big in business, while the women are thinking about making a big family. This is an over simplified version of a classic story we have heard over and over, through fairytales, books, movies, TV, and by our parents, friends, teachers, religious institutions and more. What seems the most interesting is that women seem fully aware of their position, while men are not. This is demonstrated beautifully by Dale Spender in her “Disappearing Tricks”. The girls notice immediately that they are not included in the “Everyone wants to grow up to be a Football hero,” still, they played along as they had been accustomed to doing in life, where as the boys remained unaware that they alone were being discussed. When the game was switched, the boys became upset and frustrated that they were no longer included. This could be considered an example of the male privilege men have grown accustomed to, which without analyzing and dispersing, remains a blockade to men being able to support women.
Once we understand that we are socialized into patriarchy it is important to try to understand to what extent. Also, we must remember that though this system affects “both” sexes, the effects are oftentimes overlooked by men who are socialized into believing that the system is fair and natural, especially considering that what they experience is not considered to be a disadvantage. To a greater extent, because of what chapter four points out as the “ideal” traits a man should have (175), men become even more self concerned, independent, and strong willed against seeing the effects or allowing for change. This male privilege leaves society in a position of male dominance in most if not all areas.
Socialized patriarchy may be responsible for the way in which we have learned or rather learned to ignore these things, but through educating ourselves we realize that there are problems. In analyzing the foundations of our social institutions for the masculine bias that we have been discussing we can see that male privilege has indeed deeply affected our society. As we have already discussed in the history of philosophy theories often depicted women as being second class but women were allowed little to no role in the creation of these concepts and were allowed no voice to oppose them. So men, who spent a great deal of time analyzing the validity of arguments, “logically” discussed the position of women in their society without so much as even consulting women. This in itself seems a mistake large enough to make their arguments invalid, but the repercussions of their actions can hardly be measured in the extent to which they affected society. In the same way, learned men who practiced medicine had only themselves to research and thus medical treatment for women is substandard. This remains the case as Andrea Stout sadly had to find out through dealing with doctors with her reproductive health. Her doctor did not treat her symptoms at first because he played it off as a “women’s issue,” either because he was ignorant to the fact it may be serious or because he was ignorant as to how to treat it. Men control women’s reproductive health without consulting women or having women present when deciding what types of abortions are legal, debating which drugs are okay in regards to birth control, and limiting the knowledge and availability of the morning after pill. In religion men make the rules, play the role of advisors, councilors and even judges when it comes to organized faith. Women are abused for not wearing veils, a rule made by men to control “their” women, hiding them from other men, and keeping them from positions of prominence, and some would say even from their humanity. Law makers kept the right to vote from women, and still keep them in positions of inferiority by allowing for wage discrimination and by allowing them to be subjected to violence such as domestic abuse and “honor killings.” Yet although all of these things are documented, from the male perspective, the prejudice of these actions is unknown and unfamiliar. Even males who have felt discrimination continue to discriminate, such as is the case of male immigrants who practice “machismo” violently when they bring this concept of “chivalry” to the United States. When philosophy, medicine, religion, and law rule a class inferior it is easy to see why women would be upset, but shouldn’t we all be? What, if not a deeply imbedded ignorance to the prejudice against women in men, could keep us from being upset? Why is it that men make laws to keep “their” women from being abused by others outside the home, only to abuse them inside? I maintain that it must be ignorance, not just on a personal level, but rather on the societal level. Men are not allowed, shown, taught or forced to believe that by maintaining this status quo they are hurting their loved ones as well as themselves.
When we start to realize how pervasive this prejudice against women is in our society we can start to look for prejudices in our own lives, so that each time we are introduced to new forms of patriarchy we can dismantle their negative qualities. I recently saw a movie called Big Fish which is a story about a man who tries to figure out who his father is by analyzing his father’s tall tales. I had not yet heard a bad review of the movie and everyone on my floor that had seen it, male and female alike, had suggested I watch it. The movie began with a sort of montage of the father character telling his son a story about catching a fish, the scenes showed the son growing up while his father continued telling him the story. The story ended at his son’s wedding where the father finished the story by saying how he had caught the giant fish by baiting his hook with his gold wedding ring and how at that same time while he was fishing, his wife had been giving birth to his son. He concluded by saying that the fish was like his wife, and that the only way to catch a big fish like that is to give her a ring, or by proposing marriage. This “capturing of a woman” coupled with the fact that the father was out having an adventure while the mother gave birth seemed to perpetuate the old patriarchal claims and had me frustrated but what made it worse was that in the movie, the father figure was continually praised for telling this story. The movie continues from the perspective of the father who describes his fairytale life in which he meets an old witch, falls in love with a beautiful girl he has never talked to, wins her over with romance and chivalry, and allows several other women to fall for him. At one point during the story he tells of how when he was eighteen he met a small girl of eight years. They discussed how at forty-eight and thirty-eight it did not seem like a very big gap between them and later in the movie you find out that the girl basically waited for him. Without his love she cannot live and becomes an old witch continuing the cycle as if it all depended on him, the hero. Throughout the movie all the female characters are loving and supportive, they swoon at romance and heroics but never reach out to be a hero themselves. They are enveloped in light, as if they are innocent, pure, and need to be protected. Both the male and female characters play the ideal, because the movie is a fairytale story about fairytales. This movie won over the audience, I too even felt teary eyed when the father died and his son became like him, but an analysis of what this movie shows and how it affects the audience is rather disappointing. Not only do both male characters give no credit to the human characteristics of their wives, but also the audience is captivated by the story. Male privilege can be seen not only in the movie but also in response to the movie. When I ask women about the symbolism of the ring they instantly understand what I am asking about and often times feel a sense of shame for “falling for it,” which shows a double bind against women. From the male perspective it is just a movie about a hero. There is no dialogue about the women’s roles, and rarely do they even notice the women character’s positions in the movie. This seems similar to our class discussion in which our understanding of women artists, writers, and musicians seem to be that they are back up characters and almost never credited for their work. Cat may be able to list off the Lilith Fair roster but a response from a male is “You’re asking the wrong person.” He lists off two pop stars and an actress who has not written a song in her life. This ignorance is deeply imbedded in men but it takes very little to try and pry it out.
Examples of male privilege can be found in more then just the media. Recently, a group of male friends and I were playing “guards” during a game of capture the flag. Not only were the women seen as being irrelevant players, but their positions in the all campus strategy game showed a difference as well. All the women players stayed on the mall for the most part, which happened to be the middle ground. Rarely did girls make a run from the middle ground, which was well lit, to the darker areas of campus where the flags were hidden, and when they did, they did so only in groups. Meanwhile three of us were in a darker area of campus across the street from one of the blue emergency lights, coming and going as we pleased. We stopped from boredom at one point and started discussing the function of the blue lights on our campus. We came to the conclusion that there are too few of them to make a difference so they must be there simply for looks, to make female students and their parents feel comfortable. I then brought up the fact that sometimes my girl friend went out alone at night on campus and had told me several times she felt unsafe. This perceived threat had not occurred to me before she had told me and at first the extra worry seemed a nuisance from my ignorant perspective, but when looking at it from her perspective I started to realize the extent of the problems that cause her that fear. In our society men do not usually need to worry about their safety, just as they do not need to worry about philosophy, medicine, religion or laws, and so they do not until it is brought up. When I discussed her fear with the other guys we all started realizing the differences between these gendered roles. We discussed how we were not only the ignorant bystanders, but also that in our lives we had contributed to this fear and thus the need for emergency blue lights, by allowing violence to continue without realizing or acknowledging it. It is through this same ignorance that the prejudice continues. Not only does it affect our media, leaders, and laws, but its effects hurt us, our lives and the lives of those we love. We allow this to continue by not educating ourselves and by not taking responsibility for it.
In my last paper I discussed unity being the solution to the problems, and I am continuing that statement by elaborating on some of the means by which ignorance keeps us from uniting. It seems necessary to break down that ignorance by analyzing the means by which it is communicated to us. I believe that, for men especially, it is necessary to discover the other half of humanity by challenging old belief systems, and by holding themselves accountable for their continuation in ignorance. One of the ways I sincerely feel might help is through group discussions on the roles of each sex in society and how they relate. I think that these discussions should be started at a young age and driven by the challenge of helping both sexes see the confinement put on them by the society they live in and helping to expand, challenge, and overcome these barriers. This is a similar concept to the way in which women began the feminist movement. Consciousness raising sessions led to dramatic changes for the awareness of women and I feel that they could do the same for men. This attitude alone towards change would bring about support for the feminist ideals, however, like any social movement, time and persistence is necessary.

im my egotistical imagination i like to think that since i havent posted or called anyone most people are wondering and worried about me, figuring i have fallen off the face of the earth and such. its pretty true in a sense, i mean i suck at staying in contact with people, and st paul is a world away from the action many of you are out facing. not only that but i been painting and reading and watching the entire first season of 6 feet under and hbo show my family likes. i been reorganizing my messy room, trying to make things fit, checking out old stories poems and art and placing some of it on my walls.

trying very hard to not get a job all the while claiming im looking. or so it seems, meaning i am looking but very slowly. like today i checked a coffee shop, and got an aplication at shinders, but i now realize i pretty much only have 2.5 months and not 4. that is if i want a weekor two off and now even my irresponible friends are getting on track, the same people i was frustrated with for doing nothing now have 1-3 jobs more than me. and i have been networking, talking to my dad his school system all over, summer programs working with kids all fill up well before the summer. and i thought i got out of school early. Tim and kristen seem to be having a blast in europe and i havent heard from gabs but she gets back soon anyway. and now were planning for the fourth maybe camping? and i mistakenly told aimee that gabs wouldnt be back but she will be

so im a bum and i was thinkingis that ok? i mean i always said that was fine with me. one of the poems i recently reread had the lines "speaking of power how much comes in the dollar? if my time aint worth cash who's chain is attached to my collar?" and i was thinking today none of us really want freedom, we all attach that chain ourselves and determine the length we are willing to live with. The only ones with freedom are the homeless and we generally shun them, and treat them like we cant stand them rather than stand in line to fill their shoes.